Bell Cheeses at work

[Easy 10]

Back in the day, I'm sure there was an Overhang, Underhand thread for which I will search and your good self was the thread starter. It might be THAT long ago it's not even on this version of NSC.

Apologies in advance if I've doubted your character all those years and you are indeed part of the OVERHANG club. It's the only club to be in.

Sounds like my kind of thread to be fair. But I've always been an OVERHANGER, and always will be. Anything else is just offensive.

 

[Whitechapel]

Our boss flew to America for work yesterday and somebody in the office spent the entire day giving updates on the flight.

“Oooh, he’s 3 hours from JFK currently”
“Oh his plane still hasn’t got to a gate, it’s late now”
“Still not at a gate”

Today we’re getting weather updates.


Who. F*cking. Cares?

This same busybody had to leave work early yesterday because he was worried his elderly neighbour might be dead/dying and there was nobody else he could call to check.

To be fair to them, he was late to work today because he went to check on her this morning and she died whilst he was there. Very sad, not Bell Cheese worthy at all.

However, the reason that he was originally worried she was dead was because he was checking the live feed from the CCTV camera he helped installed at the back of her house and he noticed she hadn’t let her cat out or gone for a fag. Which, IMO is really f*cking weird.

 

[dazzer6666]

This same busybody had to leave work early yesterday because he was worried his elderly neighbour might be dead/dying and there was nobody else he could call to check.

To be fair to them, he was late to work today because he went to check on her this morning and she died whilst he was there. Very sad, not Bell Cheese worthy at all.

However, the reason that he was originally worried she was dead was because he was checking the live feed from the CCTV camera he helped installed at the back of her house and he noticed she hadn’t let her cat out or gone for a fag. Which, IMO is really f*cking weird.

Beats doing any actual work I guess ?

 

[Sirnormangall]

Beats doing any actual work I guess ?

Perhaps CEO of a water company?

 

[zefarelly]

We have a guy in our office, early 60's, mysoginist, casual racist, from NI ( not his fault, but definitely a factor ) definitely on the spectrum He's extremely hard work, a weapons grade bell cheese, and all round cockwomble . . . . Anyway . . .he got sent to site yesterday . . .all morning grumping in his own special way, whilst 'preparing' . . . Left at lunch time.

I was thinking a nice quiet end to the week ( he grunts and moans at a desk adjascent to mine)

An hour after he left, our manager came out and said he'd just got a call from site cancelling pre planned events until Monday.

it took us at least 15 minutes to stop laughing . . . by The time he'd managed to contact said employee he was at Stanstead services . . . Apparently he got home before 8pm.

Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

 

[Barham's tash]

Two nominees from me after a sustained hiatus (hiatus caused due to me not reporting to a total bell cheese for the last 18 months);

I report to the CAO who sadly has been signed off work for about 8 months due to stress. Her ad interim replacement is one of those career cock wombles who meandered through their financial services career in positions not quite as senior as he makes them out then takes them hyper seriously. If you've ever worked in FS you will immediatly relate and have a large number of similar nominees.

Anyway as he was appointed my reporting line was switched directly into our COO (More on him later). The CAO replacement holds Senior manager meetings weekly and despite my switch in reporting line wants me to still attend - there is crossover in our worlds and I was the CAO 2nd in command - he basically wants me around because he's above his level of competence and having me there saves his blushes. BUT hes a nominee here because repeatedly during these meetings - normally on Teams - he takes another call on his mobile that is usualy something totally irrelevant. This weeks being his dentist. He'll go on mute but not turn his camera off. On ending the second call he'll announce "sorry, that was the dentist just calling to confirm my 2pm with them tomorrow" using a voice akin to the White House Situation Room as if he's a joint chief of staff having just received a call from the Kremlin and averted nuclear armageddon in that ten second interlude.

Second nominee is my COO. He's up for a land grab as we integrate (got taken over) by a larger a competitor and he's angling for the big job in the larger firm. He IS Swiss Tony. Worked for the last 10 years in Hong Kong where apparently it's ok to swan around in the office in Crew Clothing shirts, chinos and brown brogues (yes Brown in Town so automatically making him a BC) talking loudly to anyone that doesn't want to know about his sailing adventures that weekend or his round of golf with the boys from the club. Often seen in conversation in his glass box office with his one ear wireless headset swinging an imaginary club.

My weekly 1:1s are basically like a cross between a Fast Show sketch and something out of Lovejoy but interspersed with some buzzwords about synergy and effectiveness.

 

[dazzer6666]

Two nominees from me after a sustained hiatus (hiatus caused due to me not reporting to a total bell cheese for the last 18 months);

I report to the CAO who sadly has been signed off work for about 8 months due to stress. Her ad interim replacement is one of those career cock wombles who meandered through their financial services career in positions not quite as senior as he makes them out then takes them hyper seriously. If you've ever worked in FS you will immediatly relate and have a large number of similar nominees.

Anyway as he was appointed my reporting line was switched directly into our COO (More on him later). The CAO replacement holds Senior manager meetings weekly and despite my switch in reporting line wants me to still attend - there is crossover in our worlds and I was the CAO 2nd in command - he basically wants me around because he's above his level of competence and having me there saves his blushes. BUT hes a nominee here because repeatedly during these meetings - normally on Teams - he takes another call on his mobile that is usualy something totally irrelevant. This weeks being his dentist. He'll go on mute but not turn his camera off. On ending the second call he'll announce "sorry, that was the dentist just calling to confirm my 2pm with them tomorrow" using a voice akin to the White House Situation Room as if he's a joint chief of staff having just received a call from the Kremlin and averted nuclear armageddon in that ten second interlude.

Second nominee is my COO. He's up for a land grab as we integrate (got taken over) by a larger a competitor and he's angling for the big job in the larger firm. He IS Swiss Tony. Worked for the last 10 years in Hong Kong where apparently it's ok to swan around in the office in Crew Clothing shirts, chinos and brown brogues (yes Brown in Town so automatically making him a BC) talking loudly to anyone that doesn't want to know about his sailing adventures that weekend or his round of golf with the boys from the club. Often seen in conversation in his glass box office with his one ear wireless headset swinging an imaginary club.

My weekly 1:1s are basically like a cross between a Fast Show sketch and something out of Lovejoy but interspersed with some buzzwords about synergy and effectiveness.

I would like to say I miss all this (sounds like a microcosm of my last bank), but then remember I’m going fishing today and don’t have to deal with ANYONE except the mate I’m going with and the guy in the shop selling the day tickets

 

[Baldseagull]

Two nominees from me after a sustained hiatus (hiatus caused due to me not reporting to a total bell cheese for the last 18 months);

I report to the CAO who sadly has been signed off work for about 8 months due to stress. Her ad interim replacement is one of those career cock wombles who meandered through their financial services career in positions not quite as senior as he makes them out then takes them hyper seriously. If you've ever worked in FS you will immediatly relate and have a large number of similar nominees.

Anyway as he was appointed my reporting line was switched directly into our COO (More on him later). The CAO replacement holds Senior manager meetings weekly and despite my switch in reporting line wants me to still attend - there is crossover in our worlds and I was the CAO 2nd in command - he basically wants me around because he's above his level of competence and having me there saves his blushes. BUT hes a nominee here because repeatedly during these meetings - normally on Teams - he takes another call on his mobile that is usualy something totally irrelevant. This weeks being his dentist. He'll go on mute but not turn his camera off. On ending the second call he'll announce "sorry, that was the dentist just calling to confirm my 2pm with them tomorrow" using a voice akin to the White House Situation Room as if he's a joint chief of staff having just received a call from the Kremlin and averted nuclear armageddon in that ten second interlude.

Second nominee is my COO. He's up for a land grab as we integrate (got taken over) by a larger a competitor and he's angling for the big job in the larger firm. He IS Swiss Tony. Worked for the last 10 years in Hong Kong where apparently it's ok to swan around in the office in Crew Clothing shirts, chinos and brown brogues (yes Brown in Town so automatically making him a BC) talking loudly to anyone that doesn't want to know about his sailing adventures that weekend or his round of golf with the boys from the club. Often seen in conversation in his glass box office with his one ear wireless headset swinging an imaginary club.

My weekly 1:1s are basically like a cross between a Fast Show sketch and something out of Lovejoy but interspersed with some buzzwords about synergy and effectiveness.

Sailing a boat, Paul, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First, you put on your protective jacket, cautiously you board her, then run her sails up your pole and your away.

 

[Couldn't Be Hyypia]

I've avoided this thread for 10 years because (a) bell was spelt incorrectly and (b) who gives a shit about people's packed lunches.

I should have trusted NSC. What an enjoyable thread. It's a bit like discovering It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia recently, loving it and realising there are 15 seasons to enjoy.

 

[The Clamp]

Two nominees from me after a sustained hiatus (hiatus caused due to me not reporting to a total bell cheese for the last 18 months);

I report to the CAO who sadly has been signed off work for about 8 months due to stress. Her ad interim replacement is one of those career cock wombles who meandered through their financial services career in positions not quite as senior as he makes them out then takes them hyper seriously. If you've ever worked in FS you will immediatly relate and have a large number of similar nominees.

Anyway as he was appointed my reporting line was switched directly into our COO (More on him later). The CAO replacement holds Senior manager meetings weekly and despite my switch in reporting line wants me to still attend - there is crossover in our worlds and I was the CAO 2nd in command - he basically wants me around because he's above his level of competence and having me there saves his blushes. BUT hes a nominee here because repeatedly during these meetings - normally on Teams - he takes another call on his mobile that is usualy something totally irrelevant. This weeks being his dentist. He'll go on mute but not turn his camera off. On ending the second call he'll announce "sorry, that was the dentist just calling to confirm my 2pm with them tomorrow" using a voice akin to the White House Situation Room as if he's a joint chief of staff having just received a call from the Kremlin and averted nuclear armageddon in that ten second interlude.

Second nominee is my COO. He's up for a land grab as we integrate (got taken over) by a larger a competitor and he's angling for the big job in the larger firm. He IS Swiss Tony. Worked for the last 10 years in Hong Kong where apparently it's ok to swan around in the office in Crew Clothing shirts, chinos and brown brogues (yes Brown in Town so automatically making him a BC) talking loudly to anyone that doesn't want to know about his sailing adventures that weekend or his round of golf with the boys from the club. Often seen in conversation in his glass box office with his one ear wireless headset swinging an imaginary club.

My weekly 1:1s are basically like a cross between a Fast Show sketch and something out of Lovejoy but interspersed with some buzzwords about synergy and effectiveness.

Joyous to read, especially dentist guy. Hellish to live through though, I should imagine.

 

[PILTDOWN MAN]

This same busybody had to leave work early yesterday because he was worried his elderly neighbour might be dead/dying and there was nobody else he could call to check.

To be fair to them, he was late to work today because he went to check on her this morning and she died whilst he was there. Very sad, not Bell Cheese worthy at all.

However, the reason that he was originally worried she was dead was because he was checking the live feed from the CCTV camera he helped installed at the back of her house and he noticed she hadn’t let her cat out or gone for a fag. Which, IMO is really f*cking weird.

Start calling him Beetle.

As in Deathwatch Beetle

 

[schmunk]

yes Brown in Town so automatically making him a BC

I'd argue that those who insist on No Brown In Town are the Bellcheeses. It's not the 1940s. Imagine being peer-pressured to wear what is essentially school uniform to work every day.

 

[Barham's tash]

Start calling him Beetle.

As in Deathwatch Beetle

This is subtle and brilliant. Everyone else will know the true meaning they will think it's because they are super productive and great - beetling around etc.

 

[happypig]

Often seen in conversation in his glass box office with his one ear wireless headset swinging an imaginary club.

I immediately thought of James Ward Prowse and his hugely enjoyable goal celebrations.

 

[METALMICKY]

Sailing a boat, Paul, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First, you put on your protective jacket, cautiously you board her, then run her sails up your pole and your away.

You missed out life jackets, flares, fine wines and Belgian chocolates!

 

[Barham's tash]

I immediately thought of James Ward Prowse and his hugely enjoyable goal celebrations.

Nothing quite so dynamic. Think more slow considered 5 wood off the fairway then scan the horizon for where its gone and you get a better idea of the knobbery of it all.

 

[Baldseagull]

This is subtle and brilliant. Everyone else will know the true meaning they will think it's because they are super productive and great - beetling around etc.

I love a misunderstood nickname, the owner of the nickname wearing it with pride, when everyone else knows it's a slur.
There was that Leeds fan that posted here for a while "Killer Whale", said he was given the moniker by Swedes the Swedish branch if his company, because he ruthlessly cut staff.
Swansman, aka Han Solo, a Swede, informed him that its a common name given to fat blokes in Sweden.

 

[BrightonCottager]

Edited

 

[Sirnormangall]

My weekly 1:1s are basically like a cross between a Fast Show sketch and something out of Lovejoy but interspersed with some buzzwords about synergy and effectiveness.

Sounds hilarious. Is there any chance you could stream your next 1:1 to NSC?

 

[Bodian]

Sailing a boat, Paul, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First, you put on your protective jacket, cautiously you board her, then run her sails up your pole and your away.

You missed out life jackets, flares, fine wines and Belgian chocolates!

but also things like capsizing, bilge water, etc.....