Bell Cheeses at work

[dazzer6666]

You will have absolutely pissed on your own hands. You might not feel or see it but you will have tiny particles of piss all over your mitts. Plus whatever else is in the urinal or toilet bowl. Other people’s piss and shit particles, for example.

Peanut?

…….and then you’re probably going off to buy a pie or a hotdog

 

[timbha]

Back to Bell Cheeses at Work please

 

[Easy 10]

I have the same aversion, but fortunately there are three traps in my nearest office toilets.

However, there are a couple of complete and utter COCKWOMBLES who use the middle trap even when all three are vacant. I mean, come on, what sort of idiot does that

The type of COCKWOMBLE who arbitrarily uses the middle one of 3 urinals. They've either got there first and you have to go and stand next to them, or you're already standing at one of the end ones and they come in stand at the middle one right next to you. I've had it BOTH ways in the toilet.

Wait, that sounds wrong..

 

[Iggle Piggle]

You sure he wasn't just knocking one out?

I have had the misfortune - I'm sure its buried in this thread somewhere - about exactly that in the same set of bogs. Quite what stimulation anyone finds to knock one out over at our place of work is a mystery to me. It's full of middle aged blokes and the best looking woman has a beard. You can't even get excited about the tech, most of it belongs in a museum.

 

[dazzer6666]

The type of COCKWOMBLE who arbitrarily uses the middle one of 3 urinals. They've either got there first and you have to go and stand next to them, or you're already standing at one of the end ones and they come in stand at the middle one right next to you. I've had it BOTH ways in the toilet.

Wait, that sounds wrong..

 

[marlowe]

As discussed elsewhere, unless you have actually pissed on your own hands, does one imagine there is anything cleaner, in a public lav, than one's own John Thomas?

You're making the mistake of basing your assumptions on your own exacting and reassuring standards of personal hygiene.

I'm sure there are those for whom the presence of actual bell cheesery is regarded as perfectly normal.

 

[Badger]

It's been a while since I posted about a top drawer work bell cheese (people bringing dogs to work is no longer an issue) but there's one particular guy who has shot on to my BC radar over the past 12 months.

I went for beers with my boss and another guy I've worked with since I joined the company in 2016, last night. They are both top guys, I don't think I've ever had a boss I've got on with so well. Once we'd got on to our second beer we moved on from chatting about our summer holidays to discussing work. It was basically 2 hours of all three of us discussing our experiences with this absolute clown of a manager on the product team.

My company got bought just over a year ago, and this guy came from the parent company to help us on our new project. He is the same level as my boss and they both report to the same manager, but you wouldn't know it given the way he acts. He seems to think he is the big cheese and owns every decision in the project, throwing his weight around wherever he can.

It's a software project and his role should really be to help come up with the requirements and provide the technical teams (e.g. my team) with a high level overview of how everything should work. Then the technical teams decide on the implementation details, along with software architects. This guy sticks his nose into absolutely everything though. We use MS Teams and he turns up on every single channel where technical teams are making decisions, trying to dictate the exact implementation details without actually having the understanding of the technologies we are using. He popped up this morning on a chat some of my team were having with another team, completely derailing the topic and wasting at least an hour of our time.

Then there are his technical leads meetings. We have these meetings where every team gives an update on what they are working on. It's supposed to be a fairly high-level thing, just to get an idea of what we're working on. This guy HAS TO ask a pointless question to every team, digging into details which are completely unneccessary to the purpose of the meeting, trying to dictate exactly how we implement things. If you try and pull him up on it he gets properly angry though. He's actively aggressive towards people and behaves more like an old-fashioned shouting school teacher than a professional work colleague. My boss even interrupted him once to ask if we can record the meeting to document this behaviour towards people. Complaints have been made about his bullying behaviour to HR, the result of which was him being a bit nicer for a couple of months before reverting to type.

Oh, and he's Scottish.

 

[Sirnormangall]

It's been a while since I posted about a top drawer work bell cheese (people bringing dogs to work is no longer an issue) but there's one particular guy who has shot on to my BC radar over the past 12 months.

I went for beers with my boss and another guy I've worked with since I joined the company in 2016, last night. They are both top guys, I don't think I've ever had a boss I've got on with so well. Once we'd got on to our second beer we moved on from chatting about our summer holidays to discussing work. It was basically 2 hours of all three of us discussing our experiences with this absolute clown of a manager on the product team.

My company got bought just over a year ago, and this guy came from the parent company to help us on our new project. He is the same level as my boss and they both report to the same manager, but you wouldn't know it given the way he acts. He seems to think he is the big cheese and owns every decision in the project, throwing his weight around wherever he can.

It's a software project and his role should really be to help come up with the requirements and provide the technical teams (e.g. my team) with a high level overview of how everything should work. Then the technical teams decide on the implementation details, along with software architects. This guy sticks his nose into absolutely everything though. We use MS Teams and he turns up on every single channel where technical teams are making decisions, trying to dictate the exact implementation details without actually having the understanding of the technologies we are using. He popped up this morning on a chat some of my team were having with another team, completely derailing the topic and wasting at least an hour of our time.

Then there are his technical leads meetings. We have these meetings where every team gives an update on what they are working on. It's supposed to be a fairly high-level thing, just to get an idea of what we're working on. This guy HAS TO ask a pointless question to every team, digging into details which are completely unneccessary to the purpose of the meeting, trying to dictate exactly how we implement things. If you try and pull him up on it he gets properly angry though. He's actively aggressive towards people and behaves more like an old-fashioned shouting school teacher than a professional work colleague. My boss even interrupted him once to ask if we can record the meeting to document this behaviour towards people. Complaints have been made about his bullying behaviour to HR, the result of which was him being a bit nicer for a couple of months before reverting to type.

Oh, and he's Scottish.

A good example of the difference between management and leadership. I so despise people like that. Hope he doesn’t drive good people away from your company and that you’ll all stand up to him. Definitely record the meetings.

 

[Barnet Seagull]

Window prick is in today. We are in an air-conditioned office. Stop opening the f***ing windows! As soon as he fucks off, I'm shutting them all. Prick.

 

[Muzzman]

Are we allowed to include 'end user' Bell Cheeses. You know, those 'customers' who think they're right when they're wrong, and then accuse you of shouting at them when all you're trying to do is to make it clear there's no negotiation, that they haven't done what you told them to do by a hard deadline date and then they get pissy about it?

"I'm recording this call and will send it to your manager"

My response..

"Well go on then, do you want my manager's name and email address?"

"No"

"Err.. alright then. Bye"

 

[Colonel Mustard]

Bloody hell, I’m so glad I’ve retired. One year in, and zero regrets.

Mind you, there’s this absolute bellend at the bowls club who…

 

[HeaviestTed]

I didn’t realise that this descended into general complaining about ****s. I’ve worked with loads.

First one that comes to mind was a startup and we had just had our first round of investment and had a new vp of engineering (I had been the first developer so was quite senior and actually made the decisions which he didn’t like but couldn’t really do anything about).

The ceo emailed a few of us asking if there was anything essential we need - I replied saying we should probably buy licenses for the software we were using but weren’t paying for.

The vp had been watering the office plants (about his most useful contribution) and came screaming at me how I must never write down anything like that while he was waving the watering can at me.

The software company we were using knew we weren’t paying and were fine as long as we did eventually start paying so it wasn’t even a particular secret.

 

[Badger]

It's been a while since I posted about a top drawer work bell cheese (people bringing dogs to work is no longer an issue) but there's one particular guy who has shot on to my BC radar over the past 12 months.

I went for beers with my boss and another guy I've worked with since I joined the company in 2016, last night. They are both top guys, I don't think I've ever had a boss I've got on with so well. Once we'd got on to our second beer we moved on from chatting about our summer holidays to discussing work. It was basically 2 hours of all three of us discussing our experiences with this absolute clown of a manager on the product team.

My company got bought just over a year ago, and this guy came from the parent company to help us on our new project. He is the same level as my boss and they both report to the same manager, but you wouldn't know it given the way he acts. He seems to think he is the big cheese and owns every decision in the project, throwing his weight around wherever he can.

It's a software project and his role should really be to help come up with the requirements and provide the technical teams (e.g. my team) with a high level overview of how everything should work. Then the technical teams decide on the implementation details, along with software architects. This guy sticks his nose into absolutely everything though. We use MS Teams and he turns up on every single channel where technical teams are making decisions, trying to dictate the exact implementation details without actually having the understanding of the technologies we are using. He popped up this morning on a chat some of my team were having with another team, completely derailing the topic and wasting at least an hour of our time.

Then there are his technical leads meetings. We have these meetings where every team gives an update on what they are working on. It's supposed to be a fairly high-level thing, just to get an idea of what we're working on. This guy HAS TO ask a pointless question to every team, digging into details which are completely unneccessary to the purpose of the meeting, trying to dictate exactly how we implement things. If you try and pull him up on it he gets properly angry though. He's actively aggressive towards people and behaves more like an old-fashioned shouting school teacher than a professional work colleague. My boss even interrupted him once to ask if we can record the meeting to document this behaviour towards people. Complaints have been made about his bullying behaviour to HR, the result of which was him being a bit nicer for a couple of months before reverting to type.

Oh, and he's Scottish.

Update on this - he got laid off when we had a round of redundancies a couple of weeks ago

 

[Fignon's Ponytail]

Our BC just celebrated his 4th anniversary of a 4 day week (officially 4 days in, one day "wfh" not doing anything)
Also just twigged that he actually works 1 1/4hrs less than the rest of us when he is in the office.

We all still hate him.

 

[Napper]

Our company still insist you isolate with Covid and "wfh" until negative test.

One of my team is on day 6 positive testing today.

It's the 3rd time this year this has happened.

A piss take within a pisstake

and there isn't anything that can really be done about it

 

[Fignon's Ponytail]

Our company still insist you isolate with Covid and "wfh" until negative test.

One of my team is on day 6 positive testing today.

It's the 3rd time this year this has happened.

A piss take within a pisstake

and there isn't anything that can really be done about it

Same here - isolate and wfh if you can. Yet NHS workers are expected to go in now if they have it, and are found work to do well away from patients.

 

[PeterOut]

Are we allowed to include 'end user' Bell Cheeses. You know, those 'customers' who think they're right when they're wrong, and then accuse you of shouting at them when all you're trying to do is to make it clear there's no negotiation, that they haven't done what you told them to do by a hard deadline date and then they get pissy about it?

"I'm recording this call and will send it to your manager"

My response..

"Well go on then, do you want my manager's name and email address?"

"No"

"Err.. alright then. Bye"

So you are enjoying working at the Amex in the customer services team that is dedicated to dealing with Europa League tickets?

 

[Frutos]

We have to go into the office twice a week - I'm in today, within 5 mins of being in and before I'd even got set up properly, our resident office nightmare was showing me a photo of what transpired to be her infant grandson, who is currently in hospital suffering from the herpes virus.

Of course I wish the kid no harm, but I did not need to see a picture of his infected face at 9am on a Friday!

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

Our company still insist you isolate with Covid and "wfh" until negative test.

One of my team is on day 6 positive testing today.

It's the 3rd time this year this has happened.

A piss take within a pisstake

and there isn't anything that can really be done about it

Out of interest, is he/she actually testing? My wife is a nurse and even she can’t get test kits.

 

[jcdenton08]

Out of interest, is he/she actually testing? My wife is a nurse and even she can’t get test kits.

If you mean the lateral flow tests, they’re a couple of quid each from any pharmacy. Slightly more in Boots