Bell Cheeses at work

[Curious Orange]

I have an Account Manager winding me up this morning.

Just an example of his work so far...

Email from me to him:

I have run the file again “as live” so I can generate the reports.

However, I need to know which client server they should be uploaded to.

Client test server: IP address xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx or the
Client live server: IP address xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx

Please can you find out which one?

Account Manager response:

Client has confirmed the IP addresses are correct.

"Live" or "Test"? Yep, that has me flummoxed too!

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

What highly stressed industry do you work in to have that many people playing the stress card? I fully understand people who genuinely suffer stress related illnesses but there are too many that simply just don't want to work and use it to take the piss.

In my experience, the people playing the stress card always know chapter and verse on how long they can play the stress card for. So they return to work just before the end of the period they get sick pay for, do a single shift, that allows them to set the stress-leave clock back to zero. At which point they're free to claim the maximum period all over again. Can take two or three years to finally get rid of them.

 

[jevs]

You lot have got it easy....ive got Foxes digging up my lawn, Seagulls and Herons eating the fish, Squirrels eating the Tulip bulbs and the Jays are making an absolute racket !!!!!

 

[SeagullofMalaysia]

You lot have got it easy....ive got Foxes digging up my lawn, Seagulls and Herons eating the fish, Squirrels eating the Tulip bulbs and the Jays are making an absolute racket !!!!!

That's why you need to keep honey badgers as pets

 

[Norman Potting]

I was just thinking, how long will it be before the "Leicester City Theory of Team Building" raises its ugly head during those interminable team building/bonding events that have taken so many precious minutes of our lives

 

[Guinness Boy]

I was just thinking, how long will it be before the "Leicester City Theory of Team Building" raises its ugly head during those interminable team building/bonding events that have taken so many precious minutes of our lives

Oh Jesus. Some happy-clappy recent graduate in a Ranieri mask speaking in a comedy Italian accent redolent of Captain Alberto Bertorelli in Allo Allo and asking a line of terrified secretaries and bored, cynical IT geeks "who is want to be Jamie Vardy?" before launching in to building a tent out of sticks again.

 

[Norman Potting]

Oh Jesus. Some happy-clappy recent graduate in a Ranieri mask speaking in a comedy Italian accent redolent of Captain Alberto Bertorelli in Allo Allo and asking a line of terrified secretaries and bored, cynical IT geeks "who is want to be Jamie Vardy?" before launching in to building a tent out of sticks again.

Nailed it, have you considered a career in training!

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

Oh Jesus. Some happy-clappy recent graduate in a Ranieri mask speaking in a comedy Italian accent redolent of Captain Alberto Bertorelli in Allo Allo and asking a line of terrified secretaries and bored, cynical IT geeks "who is want to be Jamie Vardy?" before launching in to building a tent out of sticks again.

'Remember, behind every Vardy in your team there needs to be a Drinkwater'

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

You lot have got it easy....ive got Foxes digging up my lawn, !!!!!

Those Leicester fans are getting very dull now. Can't they leave a chaps lawn in peace? They're everywhere with their little spades and moronic brummie accents. I would have preferred it if Tottenham won the league having heard your distressing tale.

 

[TheJasperCo]

Even here at uni, you can't escape these sorts of people.

People (typically self-righteous females) stabbing loudly at their keyboard. Even with earphones in, the "clack-clack-clack-clack-clack" sounds grate so much! And because some of them can touch-type, all I hear is a "clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack" and then a final massive, climatic "CLACK" as they strike their fingers down on the Enter key. Paragraph finished, self-satisfied grin on their face, sip of coffee, then the cycle repeats again. I often try to passive-aggressively "out-jab" my keys as I'm typing, but that's counter-productive because they're immune to the noise and I end up just adding to my own misery.

If only there were flat keyboards with touch-sensitive keys that you can use just by gently pressing them. I'm sure such things exist; why can't we introduce them into the mainstream?

 

[dazzer6666]

Even here at uni, you can't escape these sorts of people.

People (typically self-righteous females) stabbing loudly at their keyboard. Even with earphones in, the "clack-clack-clack-clack-clack" sounds grate so much! And because some of them can touch-type, all I hear is a "clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack" and then a final massive, climatic "CLACK" as they strike their fingers down on the Enter key. Paragraph finished, self-satisfied grin on their face, sip of coffee, then the cycle repeats again. I often try to passive-aggressively "out-jab" my keys as I'm typing, but that's counter-productive because they're immune to the noise and I end up just adding to my own misery.

If only there were flat keyboards with touch-sensitive keys that you can use just by gently pressing them. I'm sure such things exist; why can't we introduce them into the mainstream?

All of that. Often get one on the train in the morning. Try putting up with it at 6am.......

 

[ForestRowSeagull]

All of that. Often get one on the train in the morning. Try putting up with it at 6am.......

Nearly as bad as people who have the keypad noise on their mobile phones...

 

[Bodian]

Even here at uni, you can't escape these sorts of people.

People (typically self-righteous females) stabbing loudly at their keyboard. Even with earphones in, the "clack-clack-clack-clack-clack" sounds grate so much! And because some of them can touch-type, all I hear is a "clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack-clack" and then a final massive, climatic "CLACK" as they strike their fingers down on the Enter key. Paragraph finished, self-satisfied grin on their face, sip of coffee, then the cycle repeats again. I often try to passive-aggressively "out-jab" my keys as I'm typing, but that's counter-productive because they're immune to the noise and I end up just adding to my own misery.

If only there were flat keyboards with touch-sensitive keys that you can use just by gently pressing them. I'm sure such things exist; why can't we introduce them into the mainstream?

The guy who sits opposite me is like this, incredibly heavy handed - except he only uses a few fingers and isn't very fast. Which is actually even more annoying than a touch-typist in an odd sort of way. There's also a pause just before the final CLACK on the Enter key, just to build up the tension and to let us know he has finished that bit. It's not coffee he turns to though - but water out of a bottle which has a slightly too small neck for the amount he wants - which just means huge glugging and gulping noises.

 

[Kinky Gerbil]

Oh Jesus. Some happy-clappy recent graduate in a Ranieri mask speaking in a comedy Italian accent redolent of Captain Alberto Bertorelli in Allo Allo and asking a line of terrified secretaries and bored, cynical IT geeks "who is want to be Jamie Vardy?" before launching in to building a tent out of sticks again.

Call in the Thai hookers!

 

[Igzilla]

I was just thinking, how long will it be before the "Leicester City Theory of Team Building" raises its ugly head during those interminable team building/bonding events that have taken so many precious minutes of our lives

Please, for the love of all that's sacred, burn this idea before it gains any traction. I had to put up with this bollox a couple of years ago at work.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Faster-Olympic-winning-strategies-everyday-success-ebook/dp/B004VF7YHW?ie=UTF8&btkr=1&ref_=dp-kindle-redirect

As with all these things though, it's no longer mentioned as everyone in my company now realises that we're making and selling stuff, not rowing a bleedin' boat.

 

[Postman Pat]

OH GOD IT HAS HAPPENED.......

We have a dog in the office.....a Fricking Greyhound of all things..... FFS!

"Don't worry he won't be a problem he'll just sleep all day......." Yep that is why he is currently wandering around the office like a lost child and makes a bolt for the door when anyone goes to use the toilet.

 

[AmexRuislip]

OH GOD IT HAS HAPPENED.......

We have a dog in the office.....a Fricking Greyhound of all things..... FFS!

"Don't worry he won't be a problem he'll just sleep all day......." Yep that is why he is currently wandering around the office like a lost child and makes a bolt for the door when anyone goes to use the toilet.

Must be a pretty clever dog, how many bolts does that door have on it now?

 

[Norman Potting]

What did I tell you?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-36202574


In other news Nostro - Potting predicts 2 - 0 to the Albion today.

 

[MattBackHome]

Topical bellcheesery of a very specific nature.

The office is a hive of intense and loud post-match dissection of England's performance, fuelled by people who don't watch football, have never expressed an interest in football in the past and who are simply repeating the opinions of whoever they happened to be stood next to in the pub yesterday.

It's head down and earphones in time for me.

 

[dazzer6666]

Topical bellcheesery of a very specific nature.

The office is a hive of intense and loud post-match dissection of England's performance, fuelled by people who don't watch football, have never expressed an interest in football in the past and who are simply repeating the opinions of whoever they happened to be stood next to in the pub yesterday.

It's head down and earphones in time for me.

I HATE that. Everyone suddenly becomes an expert......