Bell Cheeses at work

[Kinky Gerbil]

Utter NONSENSE, if they don't have time to eat at home then they don't have to time to spend their first 15 minutes of work time making and eating their f**king cereal at work either. I bet they don't have to buy much milk on their weekly shop.

The guy next to me takes a slightly different approach, he buys a MASSIVE bacon baguette and a can of Monster energy drink every morning, stuffs his face and spends the rest of the day BURPING. Funnily enough he's from Crawley

Right, I'm off to spend 15 minutes of my working day taking a DUMP.

#AcceptableUseOfWorkTime

I know, I don't understand how waking up 5 minutes early is an unacceptable way to live.

 

[Kinky Gerbil]

anyone that keeps the volume turned up on the text message alert that whistles

or has a hilarious ring tone

 

[daveinprague]

Just had a cigarette with a new member in our team..a team that really does rely on 'team work'. After we finished our cigarette, they said to me...if we go to the coffeeshop now and get a coffee, we can have longer out of the office.....

Youre going to last a long time here mate.

 

[Ken Livingstone Seagull]

OK, I've held out long enough. This thread is MAGNIFICENT. First time poster, OK?

This may in fact overlap one of two other threads but my bell cheese is a JARGONISTA. Every bloody staff meeting, every "touch base" meeting, etc. is a veritiable fiesta of BEACONICITY. "Blue sky thinking", "30,000 foot level" (tho last week it was 50,000 feet, not sure what happened), issues with becoming "silo-ed", "drilling down" to a "granular" level, and producing "collateral" to satisfy funders...

Then more recently, the veritable HOLY GRAIL. We were invited to "mindwalk." I suspect this was in fact an invitation to Blue Sky Think at the 10,000 foot level but cannot be certain. Oh, and the "metrics" and "protocols". HEAD SPINNING stuff.

On the plus side, however, no dogs and no whales.

 

[Hillian1]

I don't really have a problem with the cereal eaters at work, I'm a smoker so have fag breaks instead.

Probably been covered before but we have a serial SNIFFER. Most days it doesn't bother me much but today it seems much louder and much more regular.

I've just timed them at roughly 15 seconds apart.

 

[Guinness Boy]

anyone that keeps the volume turned up on the text message alert that whistles

Yes, this, this, this!

I had a developer at an old client of mine who wanted EVERYONE to know he'd got a new Samsung phone with Android because it was so much cleverer. He ensured we all knew because he turned the whistle text alert up to maximum, even in meetings. He got hundreds of the buggers which he never used to answer because he was "too busy". I believe he's now the department manager.

 

[Badger]

OK, I've held out long enough. This thread is MAGNIFICENT. First time poster, OK?

This may in fact overlap one of two other threads but my bell cheese is a JARGONISTA. Every bloody staff meeting, every "touch base" meeting, etc. is a veritiable fiesta of BEACONICITY. "Blue sky thinking", "30,000 foot level" (tho last week it was 50,000 feet, not sure what happened), issues with becoming "silo-ed", "drilling down" to a "granular" level, and producing "collateral" to satisfy funders...

Then more recently, the veritable HOLY GRAIL. We were invited to "mindwalk." I suspect this was in fact an invitation to Blue Sky Think at the 10,000 foot level but cannot be certain. Oh, and the "metrics" and "protocols". HEAD SPINNING stuff.

On the plus side, however, no dogs and no whales.

Oh wow, there's some in there I haven't come across before, what's this "30,000 foot level" all about?

Lately my boss has decided to replace the word "look" with "eyeball", "can you just eyeball this form before we go live?" Another favourite is "kicking the tyres", which appears to refer to a half-arsed piece of software testing.

 

[Guinness Boy]

Oh wow, there's some in there I haven't come across before, what's this "30,000 foot level" all about?

Lately my boss has decided to replace the word "look" with "eyeball", "can you just eyeball this form before we go live?" Another favourite is "kicking the tyres", which appears to refer to a half-arsed piece of software testing.

This was also a catch phrase at the place where whistle text boy worked, used in exactly that context. I suspect there are people who make fortunes running training courses that explain the difference between this, "smoke testing" and "risk based testing".

 

[Ken Livingstone Seagull]

Oh wow, there's some in there I haven't come across before, what's this "30,000 foot level" all about?

30,000 foot level = overview

Collateral = Bumph

Granular = Detail.

I could go on but it's altogether too distressing to effect the mindwalking.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

OK, I've held out long enough. This thread is MAGNIFICENT. First time poster, OK?

This may in fact overlap one of two other threads but my bell cheese is a JARGONISTA. Every bloody staff meeting, every "touch base" meeting, etc. is a veritiable fiesta of BEACONICITY. "Blue sky thinking", "30,000 foot level" (tho last week it was 50,000 feet, not sure what happened), issues with becoming "silo-ed", "drilling down" to a "granular" level, and producing "collateral" to satisfy funders...

Then more recently, the veritable HOLY GRAIL. We were invited to "mindwalk." I suspect this was in fact an invitation to Blue Sky Think at the 10,000 foot level but cannot be certain. Oh, and the "metrics" and "protocols". HEAD SPINNING stuff.

On the plus side, however, no dogs and no whales.

Welcome aboard brother Ken. You are one of us now.

(I must say its kind of comforting to know that even lucky buggers whose existance is played out in HAWAII, still have to endure the tedious little nonsenses that the rest of us are subject to)

 

[Hiney]

OK, I've held out long enough. This thread is MAGNIFICENT. First time poster, OK?

This may in fact overlap one of two other threads but my bell cheese is a JARGONISTA. Every bloody staff meeting, every "touch base" meeting, etc. is a veritiable fiesta of BEACONICITY. "Blue sky thinking", "30,000 foot level" (tho last week it was 50,000 feet, not sure what happened), issues with becoming "silo-ed", "drilling down" to a "granular" level, and producing "collateral" to satisfy funders...

Then more recently, the veritable HOLY GRAIL. We were invited to "mindwalk." I suspect this was in fact an invitation to Blue Sky Think at the 10,000 foot level but cannot be certain. Oh, and the "metrics" and "protocols". HEAD SPINNING stuff.

On the plus side, however, no dogs and no whales.

Oh. My. Word.

That is MAGNIFICENT

I've been out of Office/Corporate Cluster****ery for about 16 years now, but one of the things that used to really get on my TITS, was the constant use of these RIDICULOUS phrases.

I did NOT want to 'build a Straw Man', I wanted to make a list of what we had to do. I didn't want to 'run it up the flagpole and see who salutes'. I hated 'blue sky thinking' The final STRAW came when various Managers started a huge corporate WANKFEST over 'Zeitgeist' and even started spunking huge chunks of BUDGET on STUPID posters, coasters, pens and other various TAT, emblazoned with assorted meaningless DRIVEL.

COCKS

The only Straw Man I did want to build would be a huge great EFFIGY that I could light and THROW all the pathetic insignificant TOSSPIECES to their death.

I'm having a good day today

 

[seagully]

anyone that keeps the volume turned up on the text message alert that whistles

As if by magic as I was reading this post, one LITERALLY went off a few desks behind me.

 

[Hillian1]

As if by magic as I was reading this post, one LITERALLY went off a few desks behind me.

I'm not sure if it's just because I'm reading this thread but all of a sudden I'm hearing one going off ALL the time.

Ting, Ting.

Sniff, Sniff,

Ting, Ting

Sniff, Sniff.

I'm off for a fag.

 

[ozzygull]

I

Probably been covered before but we have a serial SNIFFER. Most days it doesn't bother me much but today it seems much louder and much more regular.

I've just timed them at roughly 15 seconds apart.

I have one of those. really drives up the wall. I have to put earphones in so I don't here it, otherwise I would punch him on the nose to give him something to sniff about.

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

Welcome aboard brother Ken. You are one of us now.

(I must say its kind of comforting to know that even lucky buggers whose existance is played out in HAWAII, still have to endure the tedious little nonsenses that the rest of us are subject to)

This really is becoming something of a cult, which actually feels correct.

In times of whimsy I like to think about the office environment that would exist if those of us that have griped in this thread worked together. I suspect that it would be glorious.

 

[Uncle Buck]

Oh. My. Word.

That is MAGNIFICENT

I've been out of Office/Corporate Cluster****ery for about 16 years now, but one of the things that used to really get on my TITS, was the constant use of these RIDICULOUS phrases.

I did NOT want to 'build a Straw Man', I wanted to make a list of what we had to do. I didn't want to 'run it up the flagpole and see who salutes'. I hated 'blue sky thinking' The final STRAW came when various Managers started a huge corporate WANKFEST over 'Zeitgeist' and even started spunking huge chunks of BUDGET on STUPID posters, coasters, pens and other various TAT, emblazoned with assorted meaningless DRIVEL.

COCKS

The only Straw Man I did want to build would be a huge great EFFIGY that I could light and THROW all the pathetic insignificant TOSSPIECES to their death.

I'm having a good day today

Try writing an exam answer on whether your organisation adopted Blue Ocean or Red Ocean strategies.

On the basis I did not have a clue what either meant, the answer was the greatest work of fiction, since in the 1920's an Austrian sat down is his Bavarian prison cell and decided to put a few of his thoughts on the world to paper...

 

[Hillian1]

I have one of those. really drives up the wall. I have to put earphones in so I don't here it, otherwise I would punch him on the nose to give him something to sniff about.

We aren't allowed earphones.

 

[Badger]

Try writing an exam answer on whether your organisation adopted Blue Ocean or Red Ocean strategies.

On the basis I did not have a clue what either meant, the answer was the greatest work of fiction, since in the 1920's an Austrian sat down is his Bavarian prison cell and decided to put a few of his thoughts on the world to paper...

I just did a quick Google of "blue ocean and red ocean strategies" and came across this GEM of a website

https://www.blueoceanstrategy.com/tools/red-ocean-vs-blue-ocean-strategy/

It's a team leader's WET DREAM of bullsh*t, just look at all those graphs and diagrams to go with the NONSENSE.

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

I just did a quick Google of "blue ocean and red ocean strategies" and came across this GEM of a website

https://www.blueoceanstrategy.com/tools/red-ocean-vs-blue-ocean-strategy/

It's a team leader's WET DREAM of bullsh*t, just look at all those graphs and diagrams to go with the NONSENSE.

Graphs and BS all in one place? I know what I'll be reading next time I get stuck on a pointless call (law of averages, won't take long)!

 

[Uncle Buck]

I just did a quick Google of "blue ocean and red ocean strategies" and came across this GEM of a website

https://www.blueoceanstrategy.com/tools/red-ocean-vs-blue-ocean-strategy/

It's a team leader's WET DREAM of bullsh*t, just look at all those graphs and diagrams to go with the NONSENSE.

Pretty much the entire CIM module I just did was around this rubbish and in the whole it seemed to be buzz words. Chuck in a bit of TOWS and VRIN and waffle about Porters 7 P's and you have a full house.

Total and utter text book waffle.