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Bell Cheeses at work
- Thread starter Iggle Piggle
- Start date
Brighthelmstone
Well-known member
Thank you! that's the best laugh I've had in a long time!!!
Insel affe
HellBilly
Colleague at work, who can't be trusted to do much to be honest. works mainly in the showroom and goes to site to measure plots for me and i plan, tender, order and book installation dates with a large housebuilder (anyone who works on site knows how difficult that is).
The guy also still hand writes his quotes on a paper and gives them to either me or accounts lady to type up. It is like watching a monkey on a computer when he types, one finger at a time, drives me nuts....
Anyway yesterday I sent him to site to measure a plot and while there deliver some amtico boxes (4) to a fitter as they arrived late.
He gets to site and jumps out the work van and rushes into the plot, manages to measure the plot and on coming out... "Oi what you doing, with no hi vis, hard hat or boots" it just so happens health and safety were doing a site inspection, "have you been inducted" his reply "no"
He had earlier in the year but forgot, so he had to sit through an induction about health and safety for half an hour or so.
"right your good to go, be on your way with a warning"
Off he rushes to the house the fitter is at and starts taking in the 4 boxes of amtico with hi vis and boots, last box he trips and the momentum carries him about 6 feet (still holding the box) and smashes his head against the wall, dislocates three fingers and passes out.
All this was witnessed by the housebuilder site manager and health and safety inspectors doing a final round of the site.
They came over called him an ambulance etc and off they whizzed him, his van boot was still open and in the back were not one, or two but three hard hats, idiot was not wearing any of them.....
That is him off for a month at least, and more work for me, I have no sympathy, should I ?
For anyone worried, the last box of amtico was fine, the fitter gingerly slid the box from his dislocated fingers, and continued fitting.
The guy also still hand writes his quotes on a paper and gives them to either me or accounts lady to type up. It is like watching a monkey on a computer when he types, one finger at a time, drives me nuts....
Anyway yesterday I sent him to site to measure a plot and while there deliver some amtico boxes (4) to a fitter as they arrived late.
He gets to site and jumps out the work van and rushes into the plot, manages to measure the plot and on coming out... "Oi what you doing, with no hi vis, hard hat or boots" it just so happens health and safety were doing a site inspection, "have you been inducted" his reply "no"
He had earlier in the year but forgot, so he had to sit through an induction about health and safety for half an hour or so.
"right your good to go, be on your way with a warning"
Off he rushes to the house the fitter is at and starts taking in the 4 boxes of amtico with hi vis and boots, last box he trips and the momentum carries him about 6 feet (still holding the box) and smashes his head against the wall, dislocates three fingers and passes out.
All this was witnessed by the housebuilder site manager and health and safety inspectors doing a final round of the site.
They came over called him an ambulance etc and off they whizzed him, his van boot was still open and in the back were not one, or two but three hard hats, idiot was not wearing any of them.....
That is him off for a month at least, and more work for me, I have no sympathy, should I ?
For anyone worried, the last box of amtico was fine, the fitter gingerly slid the box from his dislocated fingers, and continued fitting.
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Do we still have Secret Santa, Work’s night outs and office parties (non political please)? There must be some stories looming
Hoping for some Zoom quiz stories or those ever so much fun Zoom cheese and wine parties (with those fun ties and impressive back drops that make your colleagues look like such interesting characters).
Hoping for some Zoom quiz stories or those ever so much fun Zoom cheese and wine parties (with those fun ties and impressive back drops that make your colleagues look like such interesting characters).
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Barham's tash
Well-known member
And mine, reminded me of this:
https://www.celebritynetworth.com/a...-embarrassing-private-jet-flight-of-all-time/
Also TONNES of work bell cheesery gold to be had in this realm of work.
I felt the pain. I think we’ve all experienced that feeling of panic at some time in one form or another, not perhaps in a private jet but whilst out running, on a coach (with an “out of order” sign on the big door), etc
I've been meaning to write this for months, but never get round to it.
I work with a winker.
Whenever I ask something of the fella in question he responds not only with a wink, but a full facial contortion that exudes TOTAL confidence.
I could never do such a thing.
I'd look like a twitching freak with something in his eye.
When he winks I'd follow him into battle, first over the ramparts - the man is in total control.
He makes James Bond look like Sue Pollard (one for the kidz).
Sure he's absolutely shite at his job and a complete liability with everything he touches, outside of his very niche role in the team.
But by Jimminy the bloke can't half wink.
I work with a winker.
Whenever I ask something of the fella in question he responds not only with a wink, but a full facial contortion that exudes TOTAL confidence.
I could never do such a thing.
I'd look like a twitching freak with something in his eye.
When he winks I'd follow him into battle, first over the ramparts - the man is in total control.
He makes James Bond look like Sue Pollard (one for the kidz).
Sure he's absolutely shite at his job and a complete liability with everything he touches, outside of his very niche role in the team.
But by Jimminy the bloke can't half wink.
Postman Pat
Well-known member
We have Holidaypalooza on Thursday, a Zoom based day of 'hilarity' crossing our India, UK and US teams including:
20 tasks in 20 minutes
Christmas themed Games challenge
Pub Trivia quiz
Escape room / team mystery
Meet two stars of Hamilton with a live performance
Improv....
Scavenger Hunt
Irish Magician who got 4 yesses on Ireland's got talent.
I'm booking the day off.
BBassic
I changed this.
- Jul 28, 2011
- 13,202
This is more of a general bell cheese moan considering I've been WFH since March last year but if I hear "you're on mute" one more time this year I'm going to throw such a tantrum.
I'm talking toddler throwing his toys out of the pram and then throwing the pram itself levels of stroppiness.
I'm talking toddler throwing his toys out of the pram and then throwing the pram itself levels of stroppiness.
We've got our "virtual office party" on Friday. It's going to have to go some to be worse than last year. If they've put together another song featuring managers in "hilarious" costumes I'm logging off immediately.
Brighthelmstone
Well-known member
I've been meaning to write this for months, but never get round to it.
I work with a winker.
Whenever I ask something of the fella in question he responds not only with a wink, but a full facial contortion that exudes TOTAL confidence.
I could never do such a thing.
I'd look like a twitching freak with something in his eye.
When he winks I'd follow him into battle, first over the ramparts - the man is in total control.
He makes James Bond look like Sue Pollard (one for the kidz).
Sure he's absolutely shite at his job and a complete liability with everything he touches, outside of his very niche role in the team.
But by Jimminy the bloke can't half wink.
I completely assumed you were using the i in winker instead of an a to get it through the filters. even more amusing if you read the whole thing that way!
I completely assumed you were using the i in winker instead of an a to get it through the filters. even more amusing if you read the whole thing that way!
Now I'm reminded of this Big Train sketch
Sirnormangall
Well-known member
- Sep 21, 2017
- 3,241
Just a normal Work Zoom meeting
B-right-on
Living the dream
Barham's tash
Well-known member
One thing most people sat up at 11 pm on a Sunday night don't often say is "I literally cannot wait to get to work tomorrow" but it's quite possible it could be the highlight of my week/month if all goes as I expect it to.
By way of some information I recently moved firms after 14 years at the same place. I work in Financial Services (yes another wanker I hear you all shout) and it really was about time I experienced another culture. Myself and another joined a relatively small team of 13 for a large multi national IB/Wealth Management organisation. He in a client facing role and I in a risk management/strategic operations function. He is within five years of my age, has a similar amount of industry experience albeit across 4 firms in total including this one to my 2 and was headhunted for this role by the MD running the team who worked with him at their former shop for 4 years (This point is key and everything that follows should be read with this as context).
It's fair to say that for us both it has been quite the learning experience. The new business is operationally clunky and risk averse. His role includes a large number of inefficient processes requiring lots of checks and balances, requests for hierarchical sign offs and the potential to f*%k up royally at least half a dozen times a day. He's made a number of seemingly rooky errors - hasn't lost clients any money but has left a wake of daily damage as far as the eye can see and whilst he's been picked up on the issues the majority of the times it's been in the form of fairly innocuous reminders from his boss by way of polite catch ups or reminder emails etc but on the face of it it's fair to say he's had a bumpy ride but nothing his experience shouldn't have foreseen or held him in good stead for.
Cue last Wednesday, one of his WFH days, when he uncharacteristically disappeared offline from about 11.30 am and failed to answer numerous phone calls/emails/texts enquiring if he was ok, where he was. Come 11pm that night he emailed a mutual colleague of ours explaining he had a chest infection, has been prescribed antibiotics and won't be in until Monday. Around an hour later he emailed the same to his boss. The man that hired him. Nothing unusual so far....
....until 7.15am the next morning when myself and the colleague he initially emailed confirming he was off sick were b'ccd into an email to HR copying the CEO that ran to 7 pages (he attached a word document for good measure) outlining how the culture was demoralising, toxic and pernicious all at the hands of his boss! The letter went on to outline four prior examples of incidents that would only ever be considered as gross misconduct by his boss (albeit all but one at formers employers where they were well known to one another) but bordering on the downright libelous in something that could only ever be described as an entire character assassination!
Choice extracts from the things I feel comfortable sharing at minimal risk include:
(talking about a director level member of staff who he supports) ..."Essentially he does not turn up in the office, he does not manage his relationships, he dodges work under the umbrella of WFH guidelines and I have barely seen him in the office over the last three months"
"All my clients at XXXXX firm loved me and they would ALWAYS call me instead of their RM and I ALWAYS delivered them top class service"
"XXXX is a regulated individual but behaves like a school child most of the time. Indeed he almost started a fight at XXXX, our old firm"
One can only speculate as to exactly what drove this poor person to these levels of bizarre behaviour but suffice to say I shall be going in to the office tomorrow with a spring in my step and a bag full of popcorn as unless I am very much mistaken he is expecting to be in the office tomorrow whilst letting his HR escalation play out. I'll keep you posted.
His could be a very short day....and ours a very entertaining one.
With this in mind what examples of work place insanity have you all come across over the years?!
By way of some information I recently moved firms after 14 years at the same place. I work in Financial Services (yes another wanker I hear you all shout) and it really was about time I experienced another culture. Myself and another joined a relatively small team of 13 for a large multi national IB/Wealth Management organisation. He in a client facing role and I in a risk management/strategic operations function. He is within five years of my age, has a similar amount of industry experience albeit across 4 firms in total including this one to my 2 and was headhunted for this role by the MD running the team who worked with him at their former shop for 4 years (This point is key and everything that follows should be read with this as context).
It's fair to say that for us both it has been quite the learning experience. The new business is operationally clunky and risk averse. His role includes a large number of inefficient processes requiring lots of checks and balances, requests for hierarchical sign offs and the potential to f*%k up royally at least half a dozen times a day. He's made a number of seemingly rooky errors - hasn't lost clients any money but has left a wake of daily damage as far as the eye can see and whilst he's been picked up on the issues the majority of the times it's been in the form of fairly innocuous reminders from his boss by way of polite catch ups or reminder emails etc but on the face of it it's fair to say he's had a bumpy ride but nothing his experience shouldn't have foreseen or held him in good stead for.
Cue last Wednesday, one of his WFH days, when he uncharacteristically disappeared offline from about 11.30 am and failed to answer numerous phone calls/emails/texts enquiring if he was ok, where he was. Come 11pm that night he emailed a mutual colleague of ours explaining he had a chest infection, has been prescribed antibiotics and won't be in until Monday. Around an hour later he emailed the same to his boss. The man that hired him. Nothing unusual so far....
....until 7.15am the next morning when myself and the colleague he initially emailed confirming he was off sick were b'ccd into an email to HR copying the CEO that ran to 7 pages (he attached a word document for good measure) outlining how the culture was demoralising, toxic and pernicious all at the hands of his boss! The letter went on to outline four prior examples of incidents that would only ever be considered as gross misconduct by his boss (albeit all but one at formers employers where they were well known to one another) but bordering on the downright libelous in something that could only ever be described as an entire character assassination!
Choice extracts from the things I feel comfortable sharing at minimal risk include:
(talking about a director level member of staff who he supports) ..."Essentially he does not turn up in the office, he does not manage his relationships, he dodges work under the umbrella of WFH guidelines and I have barely seen him in the office over the last three months"
"All my clients at XXXXX firm loved me and they would ALWAYS call me instead of their RM and I ALWAYS delivered them top class service"
"XXXX is a regulated individual but behaves like a school child most of the time. Indeed he almost started a fight at XXXX, our old firm"
One can only speculate as to exactly what drove this poor person to these levels of bizarre behaviour but suffice to say I shall be going in to the office tomorrow with a spring in my step and a bag full of popcorn as unless I am very much mistaken he is expecting to be in the office tomorrow whilst letting his HR escalation play out. I'll keep you posted.
His could be a very short day....and ours a very entertaining one.
With this in mind what examples of work place insanity have you all come across over the years?!
Sirnormangall
Well-known member
- Sep 21, 2017
- 3,241
Go on then, don’t keep us in suspense - what happened today?
Imagine the sheer joy I experienced this evening when an email landed in my inbox to tell me our annual 'away day' is going ahead next week, but without the usual piss up as it's during office hours and instead of being at a hotel in a different city it's going to be everyone in the company invading my office. Complete with a questionnaire which will determine 'what kind of animal I am' (already did this two years ago and it was as wanky as it sounds). Had Covid last week as well so can't even claim that to get out of it. ****.
Barham's tash
Well-known member
Genuinely expected the antagonist to turn up at work as if nothing happened but he actually got officially signed off for another week due to stress.
Bizarrely this action has opened up the door for his line manager to tell HR therefore kind of forcing their hand in acknowledging receipt of his bizarre letter - we’re still waiting on that to happen…
He’s meeting with HR tomorrow. Promise I’ll keep you posted. There’s nowt queer as folk as they say mind.
Over the past couple of weeks out company have asked people to come into the office at least twice a week as part of a plan to get people back in to the office.
Has anyone else come across the type that think they are a hero coming into the office twice a week and that they are doing the company a favour in doing so?
Has anyone else come across the type that think they are a hero coming into the office twice a week and that they are doing the company a favour in doing so?