MattBackHome
Well-known member
- Jul 7, 2003
- 11,873
I genuinely don't know where to start with that.
Humanity is really doomed isn't it.
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Bell Cheeses at work
- Thread starter Iggle Piggle
- Start date
I genuinely don't know where to start with that.
Humanity is really doomed isn't it.
Your office is overstaffed.
Christ on a BIKE. Astonishing.
BlockDpete
Well-known member
- Oct 8, 2005
- 1,144
Have to confess I have joined in the Christmas Jumper larks, even if to just liven up a dull work day.
Though it is a more restrained, tasteful "Val Doonican" number.
I will enjoy some w*nking later
Though it is a more restrained, tasteful "Val Doonican" number.
I will enjoy some w*nking later
Some CHAIR bellcheesery yesterday. Our office in Canary Wharf is one of those rented space jobbies and, as a result, is incredibly hot and a very, very tight squeeze. The desk I have been allocated is the worst one as I'm leaving and I'm not there very often anyway.
The IT admin guy sits diagonally behind it and then, to the other side of me is a door out to the corridor and hotdesks.
The IT admin guy is a bit portly.
On Monday he seemed to need to go out to the corridor EVERY FIVE MINUTES - something that involved him saying a loud "excuse me before making me squeeze my chair as far under the desk as it would go so he could chubbily tiptoe his way out.
On Thursday I was back in the office and noticed that the person who normally sits next to him on the other side wasn't in, so we came to a mutual agreement that I'd use that desk instead. Except, for some reason best known to him, seeing as the desk move was his suggestion, he instead spent the day getting up and walking directly behind my new chair, nearly sending me through my laptop screen.
Grrr.
The IT admin guy sits diagonally behind it and then, to the other side of me is a door out to the corridor and hotdesks.
The IT admin guy is a bit portly.
On Monday he seemed to need to go out to the corridor EVERY FIVE MINUTES - something that involved him saying a loud "excuse me before making me squeeze my chair as far under the desk as it would go so he could chubbily tiptoe his way out.
On Thursday I was back in the office and noticed that the person who normally sits next to him on the other side wasn't in, so we came to a mutual agreement that I'd use that desk instead. Except, for some reason best known to him, seeing as the desk move was his suggestion, he instead spent the day getting up and walking directly behind my new chair, nearly sending me through my laptop screen.
Grrr.
I tell you what, THIS has got MASSIVE future potential.
I literally cannot WAIT to hear of the HILARITY that ensues, when Bellcheese 1 brings their lunch to work in an expensive box they bought at auction for two Krone, and the box's former owner spots it in the fridge.
Its going to be ARMAGEDDON
Wrong-Direction
Well-known member
- Mar 10, 2013
- 13,635
A lunchbox auction, Christ working in an office is as boring as it sounds!
Sent from my SM-A310F using Tapatalk
Sent from my SM-A310F using Tapatalk
Taybha
Whalewhine
Whoever instigated this is likely to pick up "Bell Cheese of the Month" for December. Can you confirm the following criteria:
- Woman
- 40s
- Bit of a CHUBSTER
- Works full time but doesn't have enough work to fill her days
- LOVES a moaning email
- Thinks she's important
For the last two weeks, as we run up to Christmas, it seems that EVERY delivery in, of stationary, packaging, sales literature, cleaning products, whatever is accompanied by an edible GIFT. On the 'communal' desk in the centre of the office currently sits an almost empty BUCKET of Cadbury Heroes, two tins of chocolate biscuits and a couple of boxes of sweets / chocolates. Crisps is (quite literally) like a PIG in clover. I swear she is ordering extra stuff, just for the chocolates.
MattBackHome
Well-known member
- Jul 7, 2003
- 11,873
- 'In charge' of the Xmas decorations
- Utterly resistant to any sort of change, no matter how miniscule
etc
- Jan 19, 2010
- 1,369
-has fantastic hearing when other people are having conversations, so always joins in
-has appalling hearing when being given jobs to do, or simple instructions to follow
-watches every Simon Cowell-owned TV franchise programme
-CONSTANTLY talks about diets, exercise, fitbits and is a font of all knowledge on exercise programmes. Doesn't ever lose a single pound ('it's me glands innit')
-has no idea how to put paper in a printer
-is utterly IT illiterate, despite spending all day at a PC for last 20 years ('me machine is broken')
-despite lack of kids, will be the first to be dribbling and cooing over any BABY brought into the office
-will have put her initials in tippex on every piece of office kit she has like staplers etc. Any missing item will have her stomping to every desk on a 'stapler hunt'
-has her own chair, which will have an A4 sheet sellotaped to it saying 'do not use this chair, it has been specifically adjusted for Betty Chubster')
daveybgtt
New member
I think a coworker has asperger's or autism, and I'm not sure how to approach it.
He's a really smart guy but very reserved and quiet. Early on, I told him to come out of his shell and talk to people, and work would go a lot smoother. For context for what happened - we work on a production line for ketchup, and see glass and plastic bottles, boxes, and those little containers you get at restaurants.
So my coworker comes in to work one day and everything seems okay. Then he grabs 2 bottles of ketchup off the line, bangs em together so they break open, and starts pouring ketchup over his face. He then yells out
"If you wanna see Stone Cold [his actual name] drink another beer, gimme a hell yeah!"
Everybody just stared in horror, but he wasn't done. He started kicking the shit out of a bunch of boxes that were stored under the belt. Our supervisor came by at this point and pulled him away. He didn't get fired but I assume he was told to never do this again.
Then a few days later he shows up to work with a little blue tooth speaker. He starts playing Hulk Hogan's theme song (I am a real American...) and starts running around the place cupping his ear and pointing at people. He stopped when the bell sounded for the belt to start and never mentioned it again.
The last incident happened yesterday - we were on lunch break and I was eating a sandwich. He comes up to me and says "Is that pie you're eating there? What kind of pie. Is it poontang pie? THE ROCK SAYS IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS" and then walks off. He never said a word to me afterwards and I was too weirded out to approach him myself.
He's a really smart guy but very reserved and quiet. Early on, I told him to come out of his shell and talk to people, and work would go a lot smoother. For context for what happened - we work on a production line for ketchup, and see glass and plastic bottles, boxes, and those little containers you get at restaurants.
So my coworker comes in to work one day and everything seems okay. Then he grabs 2 bottles of ketchup off the line, bangs em together so they break open, and starts pouring ketchup over his face. He then yells out
"If you wanna see Stone Cold [his actual name] drink another beer, gimme a hell yeah!"
Everybody just stared in horror, but he wasn't done. He started kicking the shit out of a bunch of boxes that were stored under the belt. Our supervisor came by at this point and pulled him away. He didn't get fired but I assume he was told to never do this again.
Then a few days later he shows up to work with a little blue tooth speaker. He starts playing Hulk Hogan's theme song (I am a real American...) and starts running around the place cupping his ear and pointing at people. He stopped when the bell sounded for the belt to start and never mentioned it again.
The last incident happened yesterday - we were on lunch break and I was eating a sandwich. He comes up to me and says "Is that pie you're eating there? What kind of pie. Is it poontang pie? THE ROCK SAYS IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS" and then walks off. He never said a word to me afterwards and I was too weirded out to approach him myself.
Not sure that's Bellcheesery - more mental illness and needs help by the sound of it.
That or class A drugs
Glass lunchboxes? 
- Jan 19, 2010
- 1,369
Sounds like he's been on the sauce to me.
Cheshire Cat
The most curious thing..
Or the Peruvian marching powder