[Brighton] Being called ' Mate'. When is it ok?

[Nixonator]

If someone is a friend then its acceptable, otherwise never.
Call me whatever it does not matter, git, ****, would rather be insulted than someone pretending to being a friend. Its
nothing to do with the superiority clap trap posted above.Its too informal for someone you just met.

Most cringy is on the police programmes when the pull someone over they always refer the the person as mate.
"can you step out the car please mate" My response would be, do i know you? your not a mate of mine are you?

Why cant they just say "can you step out the car please" there is no reason to use the word mate.

Agree with the OP. I don't like it, ever since

A few years back on the Lewes to London train the ticket inspector comes round checking tickets. There are three of us sitting on the long seat in the carriage (I said it was a while ago) and the inspector said to the man on my left, a businessman in a suit, excuse me sir, can I see your ticket, he says to me, dressed in work clothes, can I see your ticket MATE, and then says to the scruffy young student on my right, tickets please.

I never usually complain but said....Haaang on a minute, why is he sir, me mate and him nothing. The inspector ignored my question and shuffled off. He had made a judgement that I and the sudent deserved less repect than man in suit. So if someone calls me mate and is calling everyone else mate I don't care, but if someone is calling me mate and other people sir, then it bothers me.

Feck me

And I thought the fistbumping would be the most cringeworthy thing today.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I rather like 'mate or pal, or even fella, but, I cannot stand being called ' young man'

I'm 58 years old.

I just got sent a copy of an orthopedic surgeon's letter sent to my GP, that refers to me as 'This young man'. Surgeon is in his early 30s. Coincidentally I tought him a few years ago when he was in med school. I'm 59.

I was quite flattered.

Mind you, if he ****s up my knee like the last butcher did, he'll be no mate of mine.

 

[Anger]

Never OK

 

[shingle]

Feck me

And I thought the fistbumping would be the most cringeworthy thing today.

why
so bizarre

 

[Nixonator]

why
so bizarre

Because it's an endearing term for friend and used in the vast majority of cases to show respect to one another, even as strangers. It's simply staggering that anyone, literally anyone, could or would be upset by it. Perhaps the ticket inspector thought the bloke in the suit might be a pretentious prick and not appreciate being referred in the same vein as the other rabble.

 

[Garage_Doors]

Because it's an endearing term for friend and used in the vast majority of cases to show respect to one another, even as strangers. It's simply staggering that anyone, literally anyone, could or would be upset by it. Perhaps the ticket inspector thought the bloke in the suit might be a pretentious prick and not appreciate being referred in the same vein as the other rabble.

That's the whole point the OP is making, Because it's an endearing term for a friend. When it used by someone who you don't know, particularly by someone you probably don't want to associate with and there using a phase that indicates your are friendly with them. There are many other ways to address people socially without using a term used for friendship. It s a false welcome.

Would you be happy if a parking warden said to you, i have had to give you a ticket mate. or a police office saying i am going to report you for the offence of speeding mate.

 

[Eric Potts]

That's the whole point the OP is making, Because it's an endearing term for a friend. When it used by someone who you don't know, particularly by someone you probably don't want to associate with and there using a phase that indicates your are friendly with them. There are many other ways to address people socially without using a term used for friendship. It s a false welcome.

Would you be happy if a parking warden said to you, i have had to give you a ticket mate. or a police office saying i am going to report you for the offence of speeding mate.

I would have thought the Police Officer would say something along the lines of : "You're nicked, matey"

 

[shingle]

I think it's more mate, mate.
Seen it on Police Interceptors and Police Camera Action.

 

[Garage_Doors]

I would have thought the Police Officer would say something along the lines of : "You're nicked, matey"

The last time it was, "put you trousers on son, your nicked mate !"

 

[ringmerseagulltoo]

You most likely don't like it because of a socially learned feeling of superiority you have over shopworkers, bar staff and waiters.

When someone calls another person 'mate' they are expressing a desire to form a bond with a fellow human being, in a very British way. It's usually a very positive social interaction, so it's a shame that you dislike it, or that you feel you are superior to them, purely on the basis that they are people working in these types of jobs.

If they were working in professions that you respected more, then you would surely not feel such contempt towards them calling you 'mate'.

I think you should reflect on this, and consider that we are all equal despite the professions that we have. Perhaps them calling you 'mate' is a compliment that you are worthy of their empathy.. and maybe consider calling them 'mate' back. It might make them feel good.

What an extraordinarily pompous reply.

"Mate" implies a degree of friendship and intimacy that is not formed instantly. Similarly, being called "Friend" by someone I have never met before makes me feel uncomfortable. It is nothing to do with superiority, it is much the same as premature invasion of personal space.

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

You most likely don't like it because of a socially learned feeling of superiority you have over shopworkers, bar staff and waiters.

When someone calls another person 'mate' they are expressing a desire to form a bond with a fellow human being, in a very British way. It's usually a very positive social interaction, so it's a shame that you dislike it, or that you feel you are superior to them, purely on the basis that they are people working in these types of jobs.

If they were working in professions that you respected more, then you would surely not feel such contempt towards them calling you 'mate'.

I think you should reflect on this, and consider that we are all equal despite the professions that we have. Perhaps them calling you 'mate' is a compliment that you are worthy of their empathy.. and maybe consider calling them 'mate' back. It might make them feel good.

I think that is an enormous assumption to make, and you're in danger of being fairly self righteous and patronising.

 

[oneillco]

Personally the only time I dont think its acceptable is when a parent calls their kid 'mate'. No he/she isnt your 'mate' they are your child and teach them some respect for parents and others. Cannot stand that. Starts there and then you get them treating teachers as mates and then the law and thats a downward spirial from there. Call a lot of people 'mate' I meet but never ever my kids. Love them to bits, but they arent my 'mate', their my kids and that is a lot more to me than a 'mate'.

Agreed that calling your child "mate" is very annoying, but so is the expression "love them to bits" - what does that even mean?

 

[BHAFC_Pandapops]

What you on about mate?

 

[BigGully]

One clipped acknowledgement that I am slightly more uneasy at is when if I might cheerily say, 'Hi ya' to someone I either do not know I might only slighlty know is the response by then to me of 'alright son' !!

He is trying to demean my undetermine position in the 'lad pecking order' and sometimes feel I want to punch them, to rectify that.

 

[rippleman]

I am fine with mate as long as its not from some sales shit or similar. I hate being called "Sir" more. Edit to add regionaly babe, luv, duck iare also fine.

I don't like being called "sir" although I usually call clients older than me "sir" until they tell me otherwise.

I have no objections to "mate" and use it myself. But I totally disagree about "love". Had a female M&S staff member call me "love" and when she did it for the third time I said "sorry. Do I know you?". Having established that we had never met before I had to remind here that "love" was totally inappropriate for somebody you do not know. To which she replied "OK. I won't call you "love" but I'm going to say it to everybody else". Reported to manager who said she had already been warned about the way she was addressing customers.

M&S FFS!

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

I spend my entire time calling people mate, mate!

 

[Arthritic Toe]

I don't like being called "sir" although I usually call clients older than me "sir" until they tell me otherwise.

I have no objections to "mate" and use it myself. But I totally disagree about "love". Had a female M&S staff member call me "love" and when she did it for the third time I said "sorry. Do I know you?". Having established that we had never met before I had to remind here that "love" was totally inappropriate for somebody you do not know. To which she replied "OK. I won't call you "love" but I'm going to say it to everybody else". Reported to manager who said she had already been warned about the way she was addressing customers.

M&S FFS!

Blimey - you are very easily offended. Reported to the manager for goodness sake...

 

[BBassic]

I hate being called BUDDY. Get it occasionally on the blower at work, and the next time it happens, world, I’ll hang up.

This feels appropriate

 

[Easy 10]

I don't like being called "sir" although I usually call clients older than me "sir" until they tell me otherwise.

I have no objections to "mate" and use it myself. But I totally disagree about "love". Had a female M&S staff member call me "love" and when she did it for the third time I said "sorry. Do I know you?". Having established that we had never met before I had to remind here that "love" was totally inappropriate for somebody you do not know. To which she replied "OK. I won't call you "love" but I'm going to say it to everybody else". Reported to manager who said she had already been warned about the way she was addressing customers.

M&S FFS!

You must be fun at parties.

 

[GJN1]

I hate being called BUDDY. Get it occasionally on the blower at work, and the next time it happens, world, I’ll hang up.

This. Especially from some beardo serving me a coffee.