Beat the limerick

[Barrel of Fun]

There was a young man called Larry,
who only shagged girls he could carry.
One day he mis-weighed,
even though he got laid,
He now has a home help named Barry.

 

[Baldseagull]

There once was a Vampire named Mabel,
Whose Periods were heavy and stable,
So every full moon,
With the help of a spoon,
She drink herself under the table.

 

[Grombleton]

There once was a man from Rhyl,
Who took an exploding pill,
He started to cough,
Both his legs dropped off
and his nuts were found in Brazil.

 

[Jack Straw]

There was a young man from Cape Cod,
who put his own mother in pod.
His name? It was Tucker,
the b****r, the f****r,
the bleeder, the b*****d, the sod!

 

[Huple]

The floods have been caused by the gays,
Because of their unnatural ways,
They married each other,
Two dads but no mother,
Well that's what that Silvester says.

 

[The Legend that IS Lawro]

There once was a man from Havana
Screwed a girl on a player piano
At the height of their fever
Her ass hit the lever
And Yes he has no banana...

 

[withdeanwombat]

There was a young man from Tangiers
Who ordered a couple of beers
"I'm afraid we've sold out
We've got plenty of stout"
No thanks I'll have half a lager.

 

[Vankleek Hill Seagull]

Roses are red
Bacon is also red
Poems are hard
Bacon

 

[The Andy Naylor Fan Club]

Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was nice and red
The reason for it being this
It had a pick axe in it's head.

 

[Diego Napier]

There was a young woman from Bude
Who danced on the stage in the nude
A man in the front
Shouted out "c*nt!"
Just like that, right out loud, f*ckin' rude

 

[British Bulldog]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I suffer with hay fever so don't expect me to buy any

 

[Hillian1]

Roses are Red,
Ivy is twisted,
Bend over love,
Your about to get fisted.

 

[LargeHadronZugzwang]

There was a young man from Brazil
who ate a dynamite pill
his bum backfired, his heart retired
and his cock shot over the hill

 

[The Tactician]

Roses are red,
Poppies are red,
The grass is all red-SHIT THE GARDENS ON FIRE

 

[Hyperion]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a Gun
GET IN THE F***ing Van

 

[fire&skill]

The man who was new at the zoo

Was put in charge of the gnu

The gnu knew he was new

And he knew the gnu knew

And he knew the gnu knew that he knew

 

[fire&skill]

There was a young lady from Ryde

Who ate some apples and died

The apples fermented inside the lamented

And made cider inside her insides

 

[fire&skill]

There was a young man from Newcastle

Who wrapped up a stool in a parcel

He sent it by post to a boat on the coast

To show 'em the size of his arse'ole

 

[Hyperion]

The man who was new at the zoo

Was put in charge of the gnu

The gnu knew he was new

And he knew the gnu knew

And he knew the gnu knew that he knew

Very good

 

[fire&skill]

There was a young lady from Crewe

Who said, as the Bishop withdrew

'The Vicar was quicker and slicker and thicker

'And three inches longer than you!'