Attacked

[Huple]

I got attacked on the way home from work this afternoon by a fellow waving a lump of cheese and a carton of milk in his hands.

I mean........ how dairy.

 

[sam86]

Pretty mature...

 

[Titanic]

a senior cleric with BO by any chance ?

 

[upthealbion1970]

Sounds a bit off to me

 

[prawnsarnies]

My Mrs thinks I'm childish and immature, she said we should put some time aside to talk about things......Like thats gona happen in the middle of the conker season.

 

[Gordon the Gopher]

I got attacked on the way home from work this afternoon by a fellow waving a lump of cheese and a carton of milk in his hands.

I mean........ how dairy.

Glad to hear you are all right. Attacker must have been from Wales and was waving his cheese very............................................
























........Caerphilly!

 

[User removed 4]

My Mrs thinks I'm childish and immature, she said we should put some time aside to talk about things......Like thats gona happen in the middle of the conker season.

My ex dumped me for being too kinky, i nearly spat out her piss when she told me.

 

[Biscuit]

My girlfriend dumped me saying "You love Brighton more than you love me."

I said "f*** off love, I love Palace more than I love you!"

 

[Biscuit]

My girlfriend dumped me, saying I had disgusting habits.

I nearly choked on my toe!

 

[fire&skill]

Just before my Nan died we smeared her back with goose fat.












She went downhill really quickly after that.

 

[fire&skill]

My Mrs thinks I'm childish and immature, she said we should put some time aside to talk about things......Like thats gona happen in the middle of the conker season.

My new favourite joke of all time

 

[Everlast]

I got attacked on the way home from work this afternoon by a fellow waving a lump of cheese and a carton of milk in his hands.

I mean........ how dairy.

Sounds like you're just trying to milk this story for all it's worth.

 

[prawnsarnies]

After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Tom woke to find himself next to the ugliest woman he had ever seen, , thats when he realised he'd made it home safely.

 

[Dick Knights Mumm]

My Mrs thinks I'm childish and immature, she said we should put some time aside to talk about things......Like thats gona happen in the middle of the conker season.

 

[prawnsarnies]

Isn't it strange how sexy women always drive cute little cars, that reminds me my the MOT is due on my wifes transit.

 

[prawnsarnies]

Bloke goes into a chemist and asks for some viagra, girl behind counter says I need some medical proof, Bloke says here is a picture of my Mrs.

 

[Trufflehound]

A Scotsman walks into a bar. Should have been looking where he was going.

 

[Tony Towner's Fridge]

I'll never forget what my dear old Grandad said just before he kicked the bucket.

He said 'Grandson..... how far do you think I can kick this bucket?'

TNBA

TTF

 

[Norman Potting]

I had a sad childhood, I never saw my father.

He was really good at hiding.

(courtesy H. Hill).

 

[Thunder Bolt]

I was walking down the road this morning with a computer under one are, a swivel chair under the other and a desk strapped to my back. A policeman stopped me and said, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir".