At home, 'recovering' from a ***vasectomy***... make me smile please, not laugh...!

[PaoloRossiJohnson]

Had a vasectomy yesterday, although had to sit for 75 minutes in the waiting room listening to Saga FM

Now at home, day off work, on NSC

Say something to make me smile - not laugh out loud, as that might hurt...

Any of you had one? Your experiences please...

Any of you thinking of having one? I'll give you some advice...

 

[On the Left Wing]

You'll regret it in the morning!!















PS Don't look at any porn for a few days ... or you'll also regret it!!!



Mind you, you must already have a sense of humour living in Birmingham!

 

[Gazwag]

My wife (who works in theatre) told me about a patient who had a vasectomy at her place, he went home after the op. on his motorcycle

He had a bit of trouble though as one of his balls swelled up like a balloon and he had to go back again to have it drained.

 

[Seagullible]

Be very careful, guy at my last work bent over to pick something up and the stitches burst

 

[Everest]

While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man's balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the missing ball with an onion.
Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup. "How's your sex life?" the doctor asked. "Pretty good, but I've had some strange side effects." "Like what?" the doctor asked anxiously. "Well, every time I piss my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a hotdog stand, I get a hard-on."

 

[SussexHoop]

Had mine done in 1999. In the days running up to it I was terrified but on the morning itself, I was amazingly calm. Doctor warns me before he gives me the first injection and it did sting but after that, didn't feel a thing on that side. then he warned me about the second injection on the other side, it stung too but after a while it felt as though he was moving the needle around. I assumed it was to ensure the whole area was anaethetised.

Unfortunately that wasn't what I was feeling ... he'd already taken the needle out and what I was feeling was him slice me open and start pulling my tubes around. His nurse noticed me wincing and suggested I needed some more anaesthetic in that area.

Had a look when I got home and my sack just looked like a balloon ... I assumed he'd actually taken my balls out cos you couldn't actually tell they were still in there. It took a week for the incisions to finally stop bleeding.

In those days, I used to wear loose fitting boxer shorts but was told to wear tight fitting pants for at least a week for support. Got a bit carried away with my good lady one night, which put a strain on the elasticated waistband, which finally gave way, out he popped and the waistband snapped back, hitting my balls That hurt SO much!

 

[Lammy]

Why not just use a couple of bricks? It doesn't hurt, as long as you keep your thumbs out the way!

 

[Man of Harveys]

Did you give them a tip?

 

[Parson Henry]

OK Ok you have gotta hear my story.

Had it done in 2002.

1.. The nurse sprayed the scrotum area but also misdirected some onto the 'bell-end' which was exposed. Said she 'that might sting a bit'. Said I 'I think I will be fine'. 10 seconds later I pass out at the sheer pain..like a wasp stinging your helmet. Surgeon said I was the first bloke ever to pass out.

2. Two days off work. Weekend Orient away. Go with a mate who is a big bloke (16/17 stone) when the first goal goes in I lift him up and jump up and down. Then have to sit down for 20 mins fearing i had burst my balls.


3. Producing a specimen. Really embarrasing. Go in the back room to do the dirty. Forget we are having an extension with scaffolding. You've guseed it the builder catches me having a J Arthur!!

4. On arriving at the hospital. Am very discreet as to what I have in the pl;astic bottle. This is all the way up to the reception desk where the lady shouts out 'oh you can't to leave your semen sample here? No its down the corridor!!

 

[jezzer]

In agony with mine for 3 or 4 days afterwards, although wasnt helped by nerves on my left side in that area being extra senstive and twingy anyway. Had to go back 4 or 5 months later as I could still feel "stitched" but gradually wore off. very strong underpants required for first few days, wear two pairs is my recommendation and dont drink, at all if you can help it ,cos you then have to go for a pee which for me was utter agony. Went out for the first time afterwards a few days later in the park with the family but it was agony and I walked round like Frankenstein, not wanting to open my legs. The only gain is the first wank you have afterwards is sheer joy!Although watch out for the blood!

 

[Gluteus Maximus]

You won't be appreciating this then today...

Courtesy of Wozza's fine link the other day.

 

[Kneon Light]

Was supposed to have mine done just before christmas but the appointment meant I would miss albion vs stoke so I cancelled it!

 

[Braders]

Did you give them a tip?

 

[Kev the Ape]

Ouch, as Rodney puts it i wouldnt have the balls.

 

[Incredigull]

Don't get out of the bath too quickly,gravity kicks in and it will fecking hurt !!!!!!!!!

 

[smudge]

Bloke goes in for a vasectomy & his medical documents get mixed up with a geezer having a sex change!

When he comes round after the op, the Nurse tells him the bad news that he's actually had the chop, not the snip.
The fella's mortified & says, "You mean I'll never get a hard on again?"
"Oh yes of course you will." Says the nurse. "It won't be your bastard though!"

I'm here all week!

 

[dougdeep]

Wear two pairs of tight pants and keep your knees together. It works wonders.

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

I was snipped in 96

 

[Yorkie]

My first husband had a vasectomy after our second child.

He was so brave. Had the op and came home, still very brave. No pain and the anaesthetic worked brilliantly. He was all smiles.

He sat down in the living room whilst I made him a cup of tea and keeled over, completely out for the count

I think they called it delayed reaction

 

[coach03]

Bit tender for a day or two but no worries. It's a doddle !