Ask Uncle Buck

[Uncle Buck]

Uncle Buck,

If time is an ever evolving variable, albeit with a constant rate of linear movement, surely there can be no such thing as 'now'. Can you help?

42.

 

[Uncle Buck]

UB, one night, Sally went to bed at 10:15 & read her book. Three quarters of an hour later, she put out her light & fell asleep. Later, she awoke again. Looking at her alarm clock, she saw the hands were exactly overlapping. A little over fifteen minutes later, she noticed all the digits on the radio alarm were all the same. Falling asleep again, she slept for the next four & a half hours before getting up for breakfast. What time did Sally get up?

She over slept due to moving the batteries from the alarm clock to her rabbit.

 

[Uncle Buck]

Dear Uncle Buck,

Which colour tube line is it to Brentford? And where do I get off the tube? I have no clue how to travel on the under passage.

Blue one, South Ealing.

Over land is better.

Remember to go to the loo before you leave.

 

[Uncle Buck]

Uncle Buck

I am 37 years old and still haven't had a period yet, and all the other lads in the pub are laughing at me because of it. I feel so helpless, what should I do?

Drink more.

 

[Uncle Buck]

Should I fake my orgasms?

You need to pop your cherry first.

 

[Dave the OAP]

and the pubs in london?

 

[scooter1]

Uncle Buck,

Do nipples on a man actaully serve a purpose, and if so what is it?

 

[Uncle Buck]

Dear Uncle Buck,

What is the pinnacle of your own sporting career?

Either prop for Lancing College U16 rubgy team or playing football at Farnham College and lobbing the keeper from 60 yards.

 

[Uncle Buck]

Uncle Buck,

Is it true, that at the end of your contract at SW you will be joining LA Galaxy Water on a 5 year deal for £128 million ?

If so it will be a sad loss to the British H2O industry

No comment.

 

[Uncle Buck]

Dear 30-something Uncle Buck,

Where can I find Koenig Pilsener - unquestionably the finest lager in the world - in the UK? I've looked and looked but to no avail. Not even the Market Porter has it.

(That's actually a serious enquiry - if anyone ever spots it, please let me know.)

I did find a website selling the stuff, cannot remember which.

Preferred the local brew in Nuremberg in the summer. Did you know on average each England fan in Nuremberg before the England v Trinidad game drank 17 pints of beer.

 

[Uncle Buck]

Dear Uncle Piers

Are there any other pubs in London apart from the market porter?

No, however there a number of wine bars, continental cafe bars and bars with strippers.

 

[Uncle Buck]

Uncle Buck


Where is richie?

Happily married and auditing his shirts.

 

[Uncle Buck]

i always thought it was a cake, hence the name jaffa cake, but you can only find them in the biscuit isle of a supermarket




ps uncle buck, JAson Steele has asked for a game of pool, are you up for it?

Yes, but he is not having his trophy back....

 

[Uncle Buck]

uncle buck

i have a growth that looks a little like you.

how do i dispose of this?

Something that great should be nutured.

 

[Uncle Buck]

Dear Uncle Buck

Can you recommend any DIY superstores close to Griffin Park?

I believe there is a Focus nearby, it will deliver bathroom suites to St David's Close in Eastbourne...

 

[Uncle Buck]

Dear Uncle Buck

My kids want Star Wars toys for their birthdays. I have heard there is a Toys'R'Us in Hove somewhere. Can you please give me some directions?

There is a Gamleys on Church Road, try there.

 

[Carrot Cruncher]

What goes well with Midori?

 

[Uncle Buck]

Dear Uncle Buck

What should I do when Gareth Spielberg starts threads saying that Mr Magoon must be brought back ?

Apply to the NHS to have his dosage altered, until then ignore him, it is the attention he craves.

 

[Uncle Buck]

Dear Uncle Buck

Why?

Peter Canning.

 

[Uncle Buck]

He isn't very good, is he, this Uncle Buck fellow? 2 pages of questions, and not a single answer.

Sack him, I say, and start an 'Ask Meade's Ball' thread instead. We'd get more sensible answers anyway.

Not my fault I have been for an interview (seriously).