A-Z of little-known Albion miscellany - for new fans

[Cheeky Monkey]

TLO - some absolute corkers from you in there!

 

[Gazwag]

Colin Kazim Richards

NSC contributor Jam the Man pulled Colin Kazim Richards out of his coco pops cereal packet one morning under their "pick up a player" promotion.

The Coco Kid, as he became known, then went onto play a few times for The Albion, before handing in a transfer request after being left out the team to play the prestigious pre season friendly against The Children of Mile Oak.

He then left the club and changed his name to "Kapow Kapow" after becoming obsessed with Batman and Robin.

 

[METALMICKY]

DANNY CULLIP- Inspirational hard nut defender famous for bellowing " let's have a winner" when facing a drop kick from the opposition keeper.

Perhaps not so widely known was his blatant disregard for the advice that you should not flush copious amounts of condoms down your loo. This was only Was discovered when his new neighbour had to get Dyno Rod to sort out a drain problem and that was their diagnosis. May have been the Chailey property

 

[Badger]

Rust, Nicky

Former Albion and international keeper Nicky Rust once famously put so much slice on a goal kick that it hit him on the back of the head knocking him out cold.

 

[34064 Fighter Command]

Martin Perry

After failing to spring Blackpool Chairman Owen Oysten from his prison cell, Perry was on the run from the police and is believed to have hidden in a little used Council Athletics facility in the suburbs of the City, where he was spotted one day by Dick Knight out walking his dog. In a desperate attempt to blend in with the locals and avoid capture, he was given the task of installing temporary stands around the running track. It is believed that there is a secret passage running underneath the South stand and into the Nature reserve where he can escape from the long hand of the law in an emergency.

It is for this very reason that the CCTV cameras at the Withdean Stadium are prevented from viewing the North stand ( some even say that a pre-recorded video is used to feed the police control box whilst the match is on so that Perry is never 'spotted' ).

 

[METALMICKY]

Mark Lawrenson - Albion legend now more famous for almost being in denial that he ever played for us. Not so well known is the alleged off the pitch incident that left his partner wondering whether if he was more suited to being a cabin crew member. Even today he sports a dodgy tash

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

Sussex By The Sea

The original words to this were penned by Mr Kipling who was primarily famous for making exceedingly good cakes.

Incorrect. As you will see from my earlier post.

 

[Tony Meolas Loan Spell]

Mark Mcghee

Famous Irish manager who went down in history drinking pints of whiskey in the dugout, by far Ernests favourite manager, brought the legendary free scoring Mark McBackgammon to the club and insisted that every game was important.

 

[Cullip4]

Michel Kuipers
Despite being a Former Dutch Marine Chef, Michel did not get through the audition stages of Masterchef as they thought his Edam on Toast lacked originality and seasoning.

 

[narly101]

Digweed, Perry former Albion, Barnet, and Brentwood United left back. Famous for his award winning Cocker Spaniel, "Rufus Bear", who won Crufts in '88, '89, '90, and '92.

 

[Dave the OAP]

G = Brighton and Hove Albion is known as the GAY capital of the World's football team. One of the pre-requisites of signing for the Albion is that the players must look good in a pink shirt, and one of teh initiation ceremonies of loanees brough into the club, is to wear a pink goalkeepers shirt in front of the most homophobic thick northern twats and be subject to their derision. If the said players pass, they are allowed officially to call themselves a brighton bandit!!!

 

[skipper734]

Templeman John After Brian Clough swapped him and Lammy Robertson for Fred Binney in 1974 he went on to have a Hollywood film career using his long blonde hair and nickname of Shirley Temple to good affect.

 

[Don Quixote]

Mcfaul Shane appeared out of the blue sometime in early 2008, and was an immediate success. He was signed solely by The Right Honourable Sir Dick Knight PC, OM, KB, CBE, with absolutely no input from former, disgraced manager Dean Willy Wilkins. Mcfaul came on as a substitute in the ninety fifth minute against Manchester United at Old Trafford. It is widely known that prior to this substitution he had never played football in his life, he was instead a pogo stick champion, but was scouted by Sir Dick as a potential replacement for the lazy Glenn Murray, who had never scored a goal. He went on to score five goals in one and a half minutes, to seal the victory for Brighton and to bring home the premiership trophy. He went on to score no less than five hundred goals for Brighton and Hove Albion, and is considered to be their greatest ever player.

 

[Austrian Gull]

Lehmann, Dirk
Brother of Arsenal keeper Jens, Dirk was a lightning-quick poacher who lived up to the high expectations which came when he joined the club after successful spells with Borussia Munich and Hertha Bremen. Never before or since have the Albion fans been treated to such an accomplished and natural striker who in now way ran as if he had a fart trapped in him.

 

[R. Slicker]

Brian Nobby Horton.
Contrary to popular belief, Former Albion Skipper Brian, was not dubbed 'nobby' because of an unfeasibly large penis.
In the showers after a particularly hard fought victory, vice captain, Tug Wilson, remarked how much his tackle resembled the changing room door Knob.


Nobbys tackle, yesterday.

 

[Questions]

Brighton and Hove Albion`s share of the gate receipts from the 1983 Wembley cup final would, if invested at the time, have returned dividends of exactly 93 million pounds on the 21st may this year.

 

[Huple]

Albion legends Steve Piper and Matthew Edwards both had potatoes named after them upon retiring from the professional game.

 

[Questions]

During the late seventies when Albion players needed to supplement their meagre wages with a second job, Steve Foster tended the plants in the foyer of the Corals Leisure Centre.

 

[Seagull Steve]

Hove Park, a biblical gladitorial arena built and ruled over by the powerful Emporer of Goldstone Road, Julius Bamber. It is widely believed Palace fans were thrown to the North Stand gladiators for ritual humiliation, being wedgied, debagged and sent back to their caravans in disgrace.

That is class. I nearly pissed myself reading that.

 

[chucky1973]

TEDDY MAYBANK....Legendary player for the albion got his name as he was born in May next to a river bank, his dad Larry gave him a teddy as a presnt and thus Teddy Maybank was born