A personal update from me - depression (update post #141)

[Whitechapel]

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 17, but my mum; a nurse,thinks I was showing signs of depression since I was 12.

All through my last two years at school and college my attendance plummeted as there were days when I couldn't bare the thought of leaving the house, let alone going to school and having to see friends. There were times when death seemed like an easy options. However, the thing to remember is Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It's a slog, and a lot of people you meet won't understand how hard it is to fight through every day but I promise you now, if you can push your way through it does get better. They'll be tough days, and moments that push you to your edge but you have to search for the light at the end of the tunnel.

If you aren't already then speak to your GP and have a discussion about being put on anti-depressants. As much shit as they get for turning people in to robots or what-not they do the job they're meant to. Although they're not the answer for everyone it is an avenue to explore. I was on 150mg of my tablets for 3 years, an amount my doctor claims he'd never normally recommend and whilst they took a while to make a difference they eventually mellowed me out and allowed me to make adjustments to my life which I couldn't have made in the state I was in before. I've now been off them for 4 months, have a job and my social life is getting back on track too.

If you ever need to talk then feel free to drop me a PM, sometimes talking to somebody you don't know is the best thing for you as you don't have to be guarded or worry about how they'll judge you.

 

[West Hoathly Seagull]

Best wishes, mate. I know what you're going through from my own experiences back in 2009 (thankfully short) and since 2013 with my father, who is still suffering from severe depression. He got referred to the Sussex Partnership Trust and ended up in Mill View and Langley Green after they had more or less talked him into saying that he wanted to end it all. Putting him in a mental hospital (both are absolute holes, though Langley Green is worse than Mill View) was the last thing that should have been done, as it's taken away any confidence and sense of independence he had. We've at last got him out of SPT's hands, and he is now seeing a far more sympathetic practitioner at the Priory in Hove. Still not much progress though and Mum and I have been driven to near despair at times.

Anyway, you probably don't want to hear about my situation. The only advice I can give is don't be afraid of getting a second opinion where your medication is concerned. Treatment needs to be tailored to the individual and in my experience (at least it is here; I don't know what Lincolnshire and Norfolk are like) the NHS tends to go for a one size fits all solution. Also, if/when you feel up to it, I would suggest seeking therapeutic help. Drugs on their own rarely work. Whatever you do, and I know this sounds easy to say, hang in there and all the best.

 

[NooBHA]

I will tell you a little story of a person very close to home he was so depressed and in a similar position to yourself. He was one day at a football match. His team scored a goal and automatically he jumped with joy then part way though it he stopped himself and said to himself '' I shouldn't be so happy because everything in my life is ****ed up''

The very next day he sat and thought to himself , why the **** shouldn't I be happy ? '' OK so some things in my life are ****ed up but there are things in life like that goal scored that day which still cheer me up and make me happy''

Next week he went to the doctor. Was prescribed anti depressants and within 4 weeks decided to get mad at the things and people and situations that made him unhappy instead of sitting around seeking sympathy from people around him because that wasn't the solution for him. The solution for him was getting angry and mad and anti depressants.

Others will find that support and sympathy is the solution for them when depression strikes. My advice is therefore to find the one which works for you but try them all and don't give up till you find the one for you.

I cant even recall who it was who scored that goal that day but whoever it was, I owe them a massive thank you.

 

[mooey]

just take one day at a time and there s always people on here that will chat with you.maybe try and focus on good times you ve had . Regular exercise is good just going for a walk will realise feel good endorphines in your brain and give you somethin to do or focus on.good luck mate

 

[Mackenzie]

Sending you a lot of love from Crickhowell fella, you'll get through this mate.

 

[Ninja Elephant]

Depression is a difficult subject to discuss, so I admire anyone who can post openly about it. I echo the positive sentiments of everyone on this thread, and offer my own PM availability.

Have a read of Dear Everybody by Michael Kimball, it is brilliantly written and gives a genuine insight into the loneliness of depression, and how it can affect your thinking and thought processes.

Also, get into running and find your way to the runners thread. This time last year I was suffering with insomnia so I started running at early o'clock, a year later I've run a marathon after raising £500 for charity and am training for my second. It's a positive passtime and as [MENTION=24156]mooey[/MENTION] said, it releases endorphins which is a natural positive.

 

[Pavilionaire]

Fair play for having the guts to start this thread. I hope you feel better soon and start posting more on this board too.

 

[sydney]

i looked after a "morbidly depressed" relative after they attempted an OD......very frightening seeing someone you think you know so well so withdrawn and just totally different to how you are used to seeing them.....tablets ( effexor 200mg twice daily) knocked him sideways and he didn't know whether he was coming or going for a couple of weeks but eventually the haze sort of cleared and he was able to properly appraise his situation..........a decision was made to wean himself off the tablets , against all advice and seek an alternative avenue , in his case , study , meditation and making a supreme effort to get out and do stuff , walks , bike rides , swimming , gym etc......10 months later he was in a much better place...........the main advice i have is that people close to you( family) will always love you , don't misinterpret their concern , frustrations or possibly anger and think that no-one cares , they do.
My relative found music a great help , the fact he became a bit more physically fit put his brain in a better position to heal itself , all down to brain chemistry (apparently)......the major thing you should do is avoid alcohol completely , many depressed people use alcohol as a crutch
but it is a major depressant and does not help at all , it creates a very viscious circle and just makes all the shit seem much worse.
My relative made a full recovery , so much so that i don't hear from him very often......he text me last thursday to say he was off to Vietnam for two weeks then on to Europe for 3 months.......hope this is of some help , all the best mate....Syd.

 

[Worthingite]

Similar thing happened to me last year mate, and thanks to a pretty dire post from hove bored and unread, I crawled out of my shell and posted what I was worried about at the time, was A " look at me" thread. Someone, and I'll credit who in a bit, was kind enough to say that these are the precise moments when a "look at me" thread are encouraged. NSC has some fine fine people, some who I count as dear friends (even though I'm crap at keeping in touch), who will be there for you every step of the way- goes without saying that please please PM me and I'll take you for a pint when your back down this way. But please fella, don't give up. We're all behind you, and those that aren't should just **** off out if it

 

[Megazone]

Respect for the balls of steel shown by the thread starter.

Get well soon. I'm sure you will.

 

[BadFish]

Best wishes mate, I don't know you but I have been struggling with this for the past year or so. Pills haven't worked for me (or at least the ones i have so far tried) but seeing a psychologist has been fantastic although it has taken me a little time to find the right one. I respect your courage for starting this thread and think that already you have found that there are many good people on here who wish you well and are willing to support you. I would like to chuck my name in the hat for that and if you need someone to talk to please PM me and I am there (it might be good to have someone in upsidedown land if you need to talk in the middle of the night).

Good luck mate, you will get through this.

 

[BadFish]

Best wishes mate, I don't know you but I have been struggling with this for the past year or so. Pills haven't worked for me (or at least the ones i have so far tried) but seeing a psychologist has been fantastic although it has taken me a little time to find the right one. I respect your courage for starting this thread and think that already you have found that there are many good people on here who wish you well and are willing to support you. I would like to chuck my name in the hat for that and if you need someone to talk to please PM me and I am there (it might be good to have someone in upsidedown land if you need to talk in the middle of the night).

Good luck mate, you will get through this.

Edit:

These are some things that have helped me.

The two biggest ones:

- Giving up Caffine - made a massive difference to me caffine seemed to raise anxiety and lead me off to a bad place.
- Cutting back on Alcohol - Again raises anxiety and messed with my head too much.

- Keeping a journal and making sure you include 3 good things everyday that have happened to you (My family now do this over dinner)
- Keep a list of people who love you and the reasons you know this. Depression lies to you about this and tells you no-one cares, keeping this information gives you evidence that things are not what they seem
- Meditation/mindfullness - learning to be present and enjoy the parts pf life that we sometimes take for granted.
- Exerciise - People say jogging but I have found football to be much better as it involves other.

Only my personal experience but there might be something in there.
- Talking - Find a way to talk about all the shit that goes through your head, somehow this make it seem a little better.

 

[Thunder Bolt]

Not all GPs prescribe pills for depression. I did take anti-depressants for a couple of years, over 20 years ago, but 7 years ago, when I was feeling very low, my GP prescribed 6 free sessions at a local gym.
It is an accepted medical fact now that exercise releases endorphins, which will lift your mood.
Keep talking, let your feelings out, don't bottle anything up, & remember that life has good things around the corner.

 

[Chicken Run]

Good luck RMT and your family too! One piece of advice try giving the Internet a miss for an extended period, you won't find your answers on it, only other people's mate.

 

[RM-Taylor]

Morning all, thank you all so much for the words said so far, really can't describe in words how uplifting it feels reading some of the positivity shown.
I'm going to open up a bit more now so here goes, I was initially diagnosed with depression back in late 2010 and was offered anti-depressants which i was on for a good 6 months (I actually posted a thread about how I was feeling under a new account as was the case back then trying to hide away and pretend things were ok was all I could try and do). Stopped taking these in mid 2011 as mentally I felt a bit better but not exactly normal. I've had type one diabetes since May 2000 and although control was good in the early stages, my poor control and lack of willingness to admit that I actually suffered with it has caused some serious consequences for me. The main one for me that hurts the most and causes a psychological battle in my head everyday is the fact that I am no longer able to have children naturally, at the age of 24 now and 21 when I found out, that is literally so heartbreaking to know and try to understand. Especially when it was one of your key aims in life.

Moving out of the family home aged 21 and in then with the ex made me realise how much I actually miss home life and i felt so useless pretty much as trying to cope on my own two feet was really hard, causing me further psychological damage and thoughts, making me feel like I'm worthless with no hope or positive outcome ahead. Last summer things weren't going greatly so I tried to change that and find some happiness, which I did. Not afraid to admit that I cheated on the then ex with an online friend that I'd know for a few years who we used to talk pretty much everyday. This was the main reason for me moving away from the north and down to Norfolk so the two of us could be closer together, however this meant me now living in a one bed flat alone in the middle of a town where I know or knew nothing. Transition at work didn't go as planned and I found myself in the same old cycle every day. I had no will to do anything and had cut pretty much everyone off except the best friend and the then girlfriend. The thought of living alone and having nothing hit me every night pretty much and there wouldn't be a night go by that when I was sleeping alone, I wouldn't have a little cry before nodding off as feeling so negative and alone.

The last two weeks for me have been very tough, the then current girlfriend who to me seemed very happy, she literally was the only reason for me carrying on as the thought of her drove me on, stated that she was unhappy and didn't want to carry on doing this right now so suggested we just took a little break from each other. This came as a massive shock and a great big punch in the stomach. What happened next only gets worse but i don't want to go too much into that right now as it is still really raw.

Not going to lie, I feel like I am at rock bottom at this current moment in time, feel like there's no reason for anything anymore and that i shouldn't really carry on with the way that I am feeling. Anti-depressants do not seem to work for me so in a way it feels like nothing will

I'll hopefully post an update on here in a couple of days to say what's then going on.

Sorry for the rambling long post

 

[Cold Gettin Dumb]

Another way to counter this horrible state is to take good quality B vits and omega oils.
These nourish the brain and maintain your sense of well being. They're vital to a healthy mind.
Interestingly, I've seen an account of someone controlling their bi-polar with these alone.
I'm no medical expert, but pharmaceutical solutions dampen your mood extremes and don't actually cure anything. More that they 'help you out of the woods'.
Those vitamins mentioned replace what's missing or bolster what's depleted.
Another thing that definitely helped me was Mood Vits by Patrick Holford. They contain 5htp plus b vits. A quick internet search ought to help you find those.
Best of luck anyway. You're not alone��

 

[Bombadier Botty]

Talking about mental illness is such a brave thing to do and not 'attention seeking' in the slightest. I wish you all the best mate.

 

[Ludensian Gull]

Sorry to hear about this mate, didn't realise you had moved away. Make sure you take the tablets regularly and they will take a couple of weeks or more to kick in. Try and keep talking to family and close friends if you can, it helps to share your feelings. Been in same situation mate. Try and stay positive and get yourself out in the fresh air when you feel well enough,.feel free to pm me if you need a chat.

 

[Tom Bombadil]

I wish you all the best mate

 

[seagullsslimjim]

After four years of being in depressive cycle, last month I bit the bullet and went on anti- depressents as a last resort

Before then I had the usual wallow in self pity and read so much on the subject and PMA (positive mental attitude).

The deciding factor was a book that I read on the subject and how its all the do with the 'limbic system' - and how the bits between each strand of the neurosystem have lost the chemicals that make you feel good. anti depressents re-address this shortfall.

In my own personal case I noticed a big difference after just 10 days and thoughts of 'this is how it used to be' and puts things back into perspective.

For years I thought i'd man up and not taking anti depressents, but coupled with talking about things to friends it then inspired me to do more exercise and appreciate the good things in life rather than concentrate on the negatives. Taking on its own is good, but then found I drifted down again after a while on my own

So I see them as a spring board to better things and should have done it ages ago. The brain is a complex thing of chemicals and electricity and the tablets are a bit like turning things off and on again.