A Kyle Affair

[Lokki 7]

Firstly, and most importantly, you are the victim here Meado and that is clear and absolute. You are the one that has to live with the consequences of that event 7 years ago and no one else. You deserve the full entitlement and indeed a great deal more as this is on-going and as you say, who knows what the future holds?

I was around at the time (thank you for your kind mention) and saw your own painful and hard fought recovery as well as your girlfriend's struggle with the situation. What was absolutely clear to me was that she wanted to be nowhere else, with no one else. She cared deeply for you and wanted to be there for you so I have nothing bad to say about her. Had anyone suggested at the time that she would get paid for this one day I think she would have got angry and upset. This was clearly not her motive.

Relationships end and it's sad and the hurt sits inside us. What she is doing now is expressing that hurt inappropriately. She should accept this out of the blue money for what it is, an acknowledgement of her good care in a difficult situation. Yes it is a low figure, but would she swap places with you for the higher amount? Clearly not. Are you being properly compensated? Clearly not. If she wants to make some kind of moral stand then she should turn it down outright. This is no time for emotional blackmail.

 

[The Optimist]

It's all far too complex for anyone here to answer and I'd work on the basis that you give her (or she gets) whatever amount that leaves you with a clear conscience

The only problem comes if Meade's Ball feels she deserves a lot more than £1.5k but he didn't receive enough in his payout to cover the difference. Hopefully she will be a lot more reasonable than her friend.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Firstly, and most importantly, you are the victim here Meado and that is clear and absolute. You are the one that has to live with the consequences of that event 7 years ago and no one else. You deserve the full entitlement and indeed a great deal more as this is on-going and as you say, who knows what the future holds?

I was around at the time (thank you for your kind mention) and saw your own painful and hard fought recovery as well as your girlfriend's struggle with the situation. What was absolutely clear to me was that she wanted to be nowhere else, with no one else. She cared deeply for you and wanted to be there for you so I have nothing bad to say about her. Had anyone suggested at the time that she would get paid for this one day I think she would have got angry and upset. This was clearly not her motive.

Relationships end and it's sad and the hurt sits inside us. What she is doing now is expressing that hurt inappropriately. She should accept this out of the blue money for what it is, an acknowledgement of her good care in a difficult situation. Yes it is a low figure, but would she swap places with you for the higher amount? Clearly not. Are you being properly compensated? Clearly not. If she wants to make some kind of moral stand then she should turn it down outright. This is no time for emotional blackmail.

Beautifully put. You can be quite WISE when you want to.

 

[nwgull]

Out of interest, although relevant, did you dump her or did she dump you? I ask as I once had friends of an ex think I was an evil bar steward for finishing a relationship with their mate. Nothing sinister or love rattish; I just wasn't that into her.

 

[Meade's Ball]

Out of interest, although relevant, did you dump her or did she dump you? I ask as I once had friends of an ex think I was an evil bar steward for finishing a relationship with their mate. Nothing sinister or love rattish; I just wasn't that into her.

Well, i don't think it ended terribly. As far as i remember, she put us on a break period. I was a bit wrong in the head during that time, mostly suspicious of still being in the coma and that this was a world i imagined in sleep, so i don't know for how long. Then, i met someone else. No real excuse, but i was a bit mental, and horrendously lonely in a studio flat in northest London. I told her that i'd met someone a month or two into our suspended period. I think she was upset, but since then we've remade friends and talk every now and again warmly and caringly. So there's no bad atmosphere. Even now there isn't one. Will just have to see how she takes my refusal to splurge out cash at her. And hope she doesn't bring any friends along to shout their mouths of while i say it.

 

[The Large One]

TBH - as far as you're concerned, it's none her friends' business.

Nor, for that matter as far as she is concerned, is it really ours, aside from wishing you a mutually satisfactory outcome.

 

[Meade's Ball]

Firstly, and most importantly, you are the victim here Meado and that is clear and absolute. You are the one that has to live with the consequences of that event 7 years ago and no one else. You deserve the full entitlement and indeed a great deal more as this is on-going and as you say, who knows what the future holds?

I was around at the time (thank you for your kind mention) and saw your own painful and hard fought recovery as well as your girlfriend's struggle with the situation. What was absolutely clear to me was that she wanted to be nowhere else, with no one else. She cared deeply for you and wanted to be there for you so I have nothing bad to say about her. Had anyone suggested at the time that she would get paid for this one day I think she would have got angry and upset. This was clearly not her motive.

Relationships end and it's sad and the hurt sits inside us. What she is doing now is expressing that hurt inappropriately. She should accept this out of the blue money for what it is, an acknowledgement of her good care in a difficult situation. Yes it is a low figure, but would she swap places with you for the higher amount? Clearly not. Are you being properly compensated? Clearly not. If she wants to make some kind of moral stand then she should turn it down outright. This is no time for emotional blackmail.

You're welcome to be mentioned.

I have no bad feeling toward her at all. I don't think this slight disagreement would ever happened if money were never to be brought into it. As soon as you dangle an amount in front of someone, they start to think whether it's enough or there might be a way to get more. In her case, she's thinking, i think, that for those months when she decided to be there purely out of love, she probably lost a fair bit of the redundancy she had received a month or so before it all happened. Now, she get's £1.5k. Which doesn't match what she gave up. Whilst i, on the other hand, get so much more, which, maybe in her mind, has me now living in a 4-star maisonette with a trio of pet cobras and a live-in hooker called Drum.
She's a lovely person - my ex that is and not Drum - and i don't imagine she's turned. Still, i have to be firm with her, whilst i hope we maintain a half-decent friendship and no bitterness arrives in either of our directions.

 

[nwgull]

Well, i don't think it ended terribly. As far as i remember, she put us on a break period. I was a bit wrong in the head during that time, mostly suspicious of still being in the coma and that this was a world i imagined in sleep, so i don't know for how long. Then, i met someone else. No real excuse, but i was a bit mental, and horrendously lonely in a studio flat in northest London. I told her that i'd met someone a month or two into our suspended period. I think she was upset, but since then we've remade friends and talk every now and again warmly and caringly. So there's no bad atmosphere. Even now there isn't one. Will just have to see how she takes my refusal to splurge out cash at her. And hope she doesn't bring any friends along to shout their mouths of while i say it.

Seems a reasonable break up to me, your ex initiated a break, which means that you're free and single. However her friends probably see this as you having cheated on her.

 

[Lokki 7]

Still, i have to be firm with her, whilst i hope we maintain a half-decent friendship and no bitterness arrives in either of our directions.

That is the way to go. And as has been said, her friends can go do one.

 

[Thunder Bolt]

Firstly, and most importantly, you are the victim here Meado and that is clear and absolute. You are the one that has to live with the consequences of that event 7 years ago and no one else. You deserve the full entitlement and indeed a great deal more as this is on-going and as you say, who knows what the future holds?

I was around at the time (thank you for your kind mention) and saw your own painful and hard fought recovery as well as your girlfriend's struggle with the situation. What was absolutely clear to me was that she wanted to be nowhere else, with no one else. She cared deeply for you and wanted to be there for you so I have nothing bad to say about her. Had anyone suggested at the time that she would get paid for this one day I think she would have got angry and upset. This was clearly not her motive.

Relationships end and it's sad and the hurt sits inside us. What she is doing now is expressing that hurt inappropriately. She should accept this out of the blue money for what it is, an acknowledgement of her good care in a difficult situation. Yes it is a low figure, but would she swap places with you for the higher amount? Clearly not. Are you being properly compensated? Clearly not. If she wants to make some kind of moral stand then she should turn it down outright. This is no time for emotional blackmail.

That is a great post.

 

[Jesus Gul]

150,000 1p coins and a big funnel, through the letter box onto her door mat

 

[Billy the Fish]

Firstly, and most importantly, you are the victim here Meado and that is clear and absolute. You are the one that has to live with the consequences of that event 7 years ago and no one else. You deserve the full entitlement and indeed a great deal more as this is on-going and as you say, who knows what the future holds?

I was around at the time (thank you for your kind mention) and saw your own painful and hard fought recovery as well as your girlfriend's struggle with the situation. What was absolutely clear to me was that she wanted to be nowhere else, with no one else. She cared deeply for you and wanted to be there for you so I have nothing bad to say about her. Had anyone suggested at the time that she would get paid for this one day I think she would have got angry and upset. This was clearly not her motive.

Relationships end and it's sad and the hurt sits inside us. What she is doing now is expressing that hurt inappropriately. She should accept this out of the blue money for what it is, an acknowledgement of her good care in a difficult situation. Yes it is a low figure, but would she swap places with you for the higher amount? Clearly not. Are you being properly compensated? Clearly not. If she wants to make some kind of moral stand then she should turn it down outright. This is no time for emotional blackmail.

People should read this before they start spouting the "money grabbing" etc names.

At the end of the day nobody else can really make a proper comment on this because none of us have gone through the phyical and emotional trauma that MB or his friends/relatives went through.

I've seen people mention loss of earnings, but that doesn't tell the whole story and is a bit of a callous way to look at it. If a member of the conservative party said the same thing most of you would be going ballistic about 'nasty tories'!

Trying to look at this from both sides, it could well be a matter of principle rather than money in the mind of your ex. Consider the emotional stress she went through, if she feels like she put absolutely everything she had into caring for you she might just feel a bit put out when you only give the bare minimum of compo when it comes though. To just say "that's what the insurance company decided" is sidestepping the issue, this is a person with feelings and I assume you once loved each other.

Like I said it's difficult to judge from afar without knowing all the facts, it's just not as black and white as some are making out (as always in NSCland)

 

[Nibble]

I would say to her that the 1.5K is all th einsurance company will pay and that if she doesn't feel it's enough you will help her try to claim more. If she thinks what you are giving her is too low just say that is all you can give but if she ever got in real financial trouble, you will of course be there for her if you can.

 

[Meade's Ball]

Trying to look at this from both sides, it could well be a matter of principle rather than money in the mind of your ex. Consider the emotional stress she went through, if she feels like she put absolutely everything she had into caring for you she might just feel a bit put out when you only give the bare minimum of compo when it comes though. To just say "that's what the insurance company decided" is sidestepping the issue, this is a person with feelings and I assume you once loved each other.

Like I said it's difficult to judge from afar without knowing all the facts, it's just not as black and white as some are making out (as always in NSCland)

Oh i agree with you about the cost to someone attached to someone badly injured. My mum said it took her over two years to even start to get back to normal. And that was the same for my brothers and sister too. The one friend who truly stuck by me had to go through loads of shit also. My current girlfriend has had to suffer thanks to the psychological mess-uppery of me over long spells - although thankfully i'm a fair bit better now. A number of people are probably due some sort of reward for what they chose to do. But they're not getting anything for it. And also not asking.

 

[dragonred]

bit of balance and knowledge needed here.... I am 99% certain your legal team have claimed a sum of money for the 'care and assistance' she gave you at the time of the accident. The law lets an injured person claim for this on behalf of the carer...It sounds like the insurance company have agreed to pay some of this, i.e. £1,500 and technically it is to compensate solely her for the time she gave. On the basis the money is specifically for her time, then it really is hers technically.....the alternative is to simply not claim for this, the insurance company then don't have to pay it and she then has nothing to claim from you. So whilst it is a bit distasteful of an x, she is not actually doing much wrong here....

 

[Nibble]

Some women I have had relationships with have started the whole money thing after we have broken up. There is a type of woman that feels they are somehow owed money for time they "wasted" in a relationship that didn't work out. I think it's something to do with their bodyclocks and that we have somehow stolen time from them. I realise your circumstances are slightly differnt. Perhaps we should start asking for a tenner for everytime we had to put up with their time of the month? I could do with a new Ferrari.

 

[Billy the Fish]

Oh i agree with you about the cost to someone attached to someone badly injured. My mum said it took her over two years to even start to get back to normal. And that was the same for my brothers and sister too. The one friend who truly stuck by me had to go through loads of shit also. My current girlfriend has had to suffer thanks to the psychological mess-uppery of me over long spells - although thankfully i'm a fair bit better now. A number of people are probably due some sort of reward for what they chose to do. But they're not getting anything for it. And also not asking.

To be fair that's probably not a bad way to explain it to her. I'm sure it will all work out once the dust has settled

 

[Trufflehound]

150,000 1p coins and a big funnel, through the letter box onto her door mat

Brilliant ploy. Except that only the first 20p would be legal tender: Legal Tender Guidelines

So you'd still owe £1,499.80.

And at 3.56g per coin, that'd be a shade over 530 kg of loose change to rip a hole in your pocket oin the way home.

 

[DarrenFreemansPerm]

That's my thoughts too. You care for someone out of love not for the rewards you might get.

Is the right answer, surely?

 

[Jim Van Winkle]

Give her the cheque and go. It's a sorry state of affairs but it's not your making and you've been through enough. Any disappointment on her part should not put on your shoulders.

Very much this, great advice. If she really cared about you at the time and for your well being now and then, then the money shouldn't even come into the equation.

Least the accident explains all the weird posts.