50 Office-Speak Phrases You Love To Hate

[Beach Hut]

BBC NEWS | UK | Magazine | 50 office-speak phrases you love to hate

Would anyone like to add to these, some really are so stupid but very relevant where I work.....................

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

One of my old mentors used to talk about "touch basing" a LOT. I wanted to kill her by the end of the 3 months I worked with her for.

 

[Badger]

"let's touch base"

I completely lost respect for someone when they used that a few weeks ago, I was suddenly less enthusiastic about replying to his emails.

 

[Beach Hut]

I think "granularity" tops it for me, I had a previous manager who used this expression all the time, fortunately the to$$er emigrated to Australia.

 

[Jesus Gul]

'slice, dice and julienne'

 

[Badger]

I think my CEO just makes phrases up, he did a 30 minute presentation to the company yesterday and no one had the foggiest what he was on about.

 

[sten_super]

Sorry to burst your bubble but that article's from 2008. I saw it had made a reappearance on the 'most read' section of the bbc website earlier. It's funny looking back now and seeing a few of those which have made it into everyday use though.

 

[Beach Hut]

Sorry to burst your bubble but that article's from 2008. I saw it had made a reappearance on the 'most read' section of the bbc website earlier. It's funny looking back now and seeing a few of those which have made it into everyday use though.

Silly me I thought it was new today, OK what new ones are there from 2008 ?

 

[Poyetry In Motion]

Proof if ever it was needed that most people at the top of the office tree are massive massive w@nkers

 

[sten_super]

Silly me I thought it was new today, OK what new ones are there from 2008 ?

A good one in my company at the moment is 'rationalise'.

"We need to rationalise our cost base"
"We need to rationalise our use of stationary"
"The business model needs to be rationalised"

Why not just say cut?

 

[Tiger Barb]

'We are where we are ...'

 

[Hyperion]

'We need somebody to cascade this information' & C un*iest one i have heard in recent months is 'I want to get a helicopter view of the situation'

 

[Cappers]

Transparency - AAARRRGHHH

 

[Tony Towner's Fridge]

And that is precisely why Reggie Perrin is God!

Off to Blueskythink

TNBA

TTF

 

[The Merry Prankster]

I think "granularity" tops it for me, I had a previous manager who used this expression all the time, fortunately the to$$er emigrated to Australia.

What does that mean. Sorry don't work in an office but would like to know lest some wanker tries it on me.

 

[PHCgull]

"how are you spelling that?"

I'm spelling it how it should be spelled, you f***.

 

[Gully]

Proof if ever it was needed that most people at the top of the office tree are massive massive w@nkers

Talking of trees...one of the best talks I ever had from a manager included the following:

"It is fine for a manager who is at the top of the tree, when they look down, all they can see is smiling faces looking up towards them...whereas those below, they look up and all they can see is arseholes!"

That was from a very senior manager in the organisation I was then working for, I have to say that she was one of the best I ever had the pleasure to work for and earned my respect very quickly.

 

[Hyperion]

"how are you spelling that?"

I'm spelling it how it should be spelled, you f***.

However.............

 

[Joey Deacon's Disco Suit]

What does that mean. Sorry don't work in an office but would like to know lest some wanker tries it on me.

'more detail'

 

[chez]

"Can we just park that idea"?

f***ing park that idea, it's not a f***ing car!!!!!!


Yeah, that one anoys me.

Touch base is another cringeworthy one.