50 Office-Speak Phrases You Love To Hate

[BadFish]

here is a fun game.

Start your own and see if you can get these idiots to start using it.

A few of us began with innovacity (capacity to innovate) I can't wait for the meeting when the boss uses it, fits of giggles all round.

or is this where all these bloody things start from? have i joined the dark side?

 

[Giraffe]

It is what it is. Used to justify anything that can't be changed without a bit of hard work. Fat bastard I work with uses it all the time.

 

[Giraffe]

And now I've started:

Future proofing
Hot potato
Front of house
Comfort break! If you need a piss just say so!!
Describing equipment as kit!
Don't minute that, after someone has made a hilarious joke!
Strategy meeting, just because I struggle to say it

 

[Brighton TID]

Anyone who becomes an office "champion" (eg Quality Champion or Health & Safety Champion) is basically a sucker of cocks. A champion is a football team like Brighton.

 

[manilaseagull]

"I think we need to hit the ground running, keep our eye on the ball, and make sure that we are singing off the same song-sheet. At the end of the day it is not a level playing field and the goalposts may move; if they do, someone may have to pick it up and run with it. We therefore must have a golf bag of options hot-to-trot from the word "go". It is your train set but we cannot afford to leave it on the back-burner; we've got a lot of irons in the fire right now.

We will need to un-stick a few potential poo traps but it all depends on the flash-to bang time and fudge factor allowed. Things may end up slipping to the left and, if they do, we will need to run a tight ship. I don't want to reinvent the wheel but we must get right into the weeds on this one. If push comes to shove, we may have to up-stumps and then we'll be in a whole new ball game.

I suggest we test the water with a few warmers in the bank. If we can produce the goods then we are cooking with gas. If not, then we are in a world of hurt. I don't want to die in a ditch over it but we could easily end up in a flat spin if people start getting twitchy.

To that end, I want to get around the bazaars and make sure the movers and shakers are on-side from day one. If you can hit me with your shopping list I can take it to the head honchos and start the ball rolling. I know you're not the sharpest tool in the box and may be a few sandwiches short of a picnic, but together we'll be the best thing since sliced bread.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and I think we have backed a winner here. If it gets blown out of the water, however, I will be throwing a track. So get your feet into my in-tray and give me chapter and verse as to how you see things panning out. As long as our ducks are in a row I think the ball will stay in play and we can come up smelling of roses.

Before you bomb-burst and throw smoke it is imperative we nail our colours to the mast and look at the big picture. We've got to march to the beat of the drum. We are on a sticky wicket, we'll need to play with a straight bat and watch out for fast balls.

I've been on permanent send for long enough and I've had my ten pence worth. I don't want to rock the boat or teach anyone to suck eggs. We must keep this firmly in our sight picture and not under our hats or it will fall between the cracks. If the cap fits, wear it, but it may seem like pushing fog uphill with a sharp stick. Did you all get that?"

 

[KneeOn]

And now I've started:

Future proofing
Hot potato
Front of house
Comfort break! If you need a piss just say so!!
Describing equipment as kit!
Don't minute that, after someone has made a hilarious joke!
Strategy meeting, just because I struggle to say it

Those have been around for ages...

 

[de la zouch]

The worst for me is the use of the phrase annual leave in ooo emails. You are on fooking holiday you dimwit.

 

[poidy]

"Think outside the box"

"Dont give me problems i want solutions"

"Theres no 'I' in team"- my personal favourite because it leads to the response "no but theres an M and an E"

 

[Giraffe]

Those have been around for ages...

But still very annoying!!

 

[Twinkle Toes]

But still very annoying!!

And it possibly makes them all the more sodding annoying!

The worst one I heard recently was the instruction of: "Now I want you to throw a rope round that idea to anchor it..."

 

[Gus Poyet's inner FLAIR]

Please don't hate me, but many years ago the phrase 'touching base' slipped out during an important phone call.
As soon as the words left my lips I knew I had sinned.
To this day I haven't an idea where it came from.
The shame, the shame.