Uncle Spielberg
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- Thread starter
- #21
I have been on this site for about 100 years now some people like me many do not. Time to be who I am now
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[Help] Has anyone here been adopted ?
- Thread starter Uncle Spielberg
- Start date
Nitram
Well-known member
- Jul 16, 2013
- 2,351
Everyone’s journey will be quite different, I knew at an early age I was adopted and knew the names of my birth parents, in those days it was unusual for the father to be on the birth certificate of people that were unmarried.
It was not until Facebook and more recently DNA advances that certainty was confirmed for my circumstances. I had a gut feeling not to contact my birth mother when she was alive, and was proved right not to do so.
I do have a very positive relationship with two half sisters who I contacted after her death.
I’ve never been able to trace my birth father for certain.
There is a lot of research that can be done these days that was very difficult in the past.
Good luck in what you decide to do.
It was not until Facebook and more recently DNA advances that certainty was confirmed for my circumstances. I had a gut feeling not to contact my birth mother when she was alive, and was proved right not to do so.
I do have a very positive relationship with two half sisters who I contacted after her death.
I’ve never been able to trace my birth father for certain.
There is a lot of research that can be done these days that was very difficult in the past.
Good luck in what you decide to do.
MTSeagulls
Well-known member
- Sep 18, 2019
- 992
You shouldn't worry, you are who you are.
I knew you briefly through the REMF and the amazing work you did for that but I also feel you have a lot of pain and trauma.
I hope you find some peace in your life and I hope I do too.
I’m not, but I have two sisters who were both adopted into our family. Both eventually looked up their birth mothers, but later in life. One has built a degree of contact up, but for the other it was enough to find her and leave it at that. But both said it was ultimately about answering a curiosity, and never anything emotionally significant or uprooting. In both cases, the mother had been incredibly young and not in a proper relationship, so adoption was probably the best decision - we’re talking 1970s here, so a different era. Best of luck in whatever you choose to do, but from witnessing my sisters’ experiences, I can see the value of not ‘going though life never knowing’ - if you’ll excuse the double negative.
Justice
Dangerous Idiot
My adoptive mother tried to drown me as a child so no they weren’t all amazing mate.
I’m glad many were and I really do understand the OP’s feel for closure.
I found both my birth father and mother fairly easily the old man told me to F off and don’t bother asking for any money his first words to me. His poor wife apologised he was clearly an utter ****.
My birth mother was now a well to do sort fair play to her I guess from living in a bedsit with her family in Shoreham with only the gas stove for heat (another story) she also didn’t want to know.
The way I see it now we are strangers with nothing in common, I often dreamt as a kid how wonderful they must be and how exciting my life would be once I’d found them.
Nope both arseholes who wouldn’t give me 5 minutes.
My only advice would be the vision you have in your head could be very far from the reality when you go searching.
My parents from a very early age ensured i knew i was adopted to the point where it was no longer important so i had no surprises, i know my the surname of my biological family (From the LA area West Sussex, born in the zachery merton hospital ) but have never had any real interest in tracing them, iirc because i was born in 69 the law hadn’t changed to allow birth parents to reach out, NSC is the only social media i use so i guess im in the shadows anyway.
My dad died in 2010 but my mum is still alive at 91, and i love her with all my heart and fill somehow privileged that her and dad chose me.
I know many have offered @Uncle Spielberg but happy to chat off piste if you want.
My dad died in 2010 but my mum is still alive at 91, and i love her with all my heart and fill somehow privileged that her and dad chose me.
I know many have offered @Uncle Spielberg but happy to chat off piste if you want.
I agree, these dont all end up happily. My sister's experience was similar to yours.
But every adopted child has the right to answers, even if it is driven purely by curiosity.
Justice
Dangerous Idiot
It’s an interesting subject I wish now I hadn’t bothered as probably your sister.
It is all curiosity thinking about it logically years later we all nothing but strangers to our birth parents and they are strangers to us.
You think they must wonder about you as you do them yet they are the ones that didn’t fight to keep their own child so the chances are they don’t.
I’ve read a few stories of successful reunions although not many lasted very long.
Maybe I’m wrong or haven’t read the room quite right. But I’ve also been on here for decades and I’d say you are universally liked and regarded as one of the good guys who wears his heart on his sleeve and has helped out countless people.
Be that people you’ve never met and never will, via the REMF or people you’ve helped to secure a home, through your mortgage broking expertise.
Good luck to you, US
(The less said about some of the racing tips, the better, obvs).
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In my mother’s wardrobe there is a big file on me which i could easily look at but haven’t wanted to, when the inevitable happens with mum my wife has agreed to look through the file on my behalf and decide if there is anything in there that will have any life changing or positive content, what i find fascinating is i have three children all in their 20’s who have blood relatives out there that they don’t even know.
Here here BN, i’ll second that
I've been very lucky. My mother was very young and didn't want a baby. But she did always regret it and is a lovely lady. She subsequently had kids and she'd always told them that she'd given a baby away for adoption. So when I got in touch, with no expectations, everything was set for it to be OK. We've been friends for nearly 30 years now.
But it was so different for my sister. She really wanted to find a new family and all live happily together. It didn't work out at all and she had to deal with a load of new rejections.
I'd encourage adopted people to look. But do so with no expectations of a fairy tale. And again, I'd say it's OK to search just because you're curious. That's your right.
And that's a good enough reason for you to look in my opinion. It's not a reflection on your mum and how much you love her.
Clive Walker
Stand Or Fall
Remove this comment if you have anything about you. Total bellend comment.
Durlston
"You plonker, Rodney!"
I love you, US. Please don't change because of crass things posters may say on NSC pal. I'm too open emotionally on here as well at times but I've always worn my heart on my sleeve in life.
Uncle Spielberg
Well-known member
- Thread starter
- #36
I will send some pm's thanks for the comments
Lovely to hear some positive stories.
My grandma was adopted and on turning 16 traced the parents on her birth certificate. Turned out they had been paid off to register the birth on behalf of another family. She eventually tracked down the well to do family she actually came from and all she'd venture on that subject was that they'd been extraordinary mean to her.
My grandma was adopted and on turning 16 traced the parents on her birth certificate. Turned out they had been paid off to register the birth on behalf of another family. She eventually tracked down the well to do family she actually came from and all she'd venture on that subject was that they'd been extraordinary mean to her.
Bloody hell. That was a tough read. I hope your life has exceeded the expectations of the hopeless tossers who exemplified all that was shit in society back then, careless prejudice and indifference to those deemed different being standard.I was fostered in November 1971 and adopted in June 1973. To save a long essay, you can have a cup of tea and read about it here. Or not, if you don't want to. An abbreviated piece based on wading through around 150 pages of documentation about my case.
An Unmarketable Child- My Journey To Adoption 1969-1973
Years in the making, this entry contains references to letters, diaries and conversations of the period.queensparkchronicles.wordpress.com
I was labeled' backward' in infant school. I was bored and deliberately wrote using wobbly letters. I was put in the corner of the class and made to wear a dunce cap while being mocked by the teacher, and other kids sniggered. I just thought they were all f***ing idiots. I think I tutted. I have carried the attitude of 'don't bore me, or I'm off' with me ever since. I'd like to think that teachers and the like aren't such arse-hats these days. Our nipper has ADHD and the school is very good with her.
Best wishes, and thanks for sharing.
- Apr 5, 2014
- 26,663
Okay. Your previous post was very interesting and worth folk taking note on how the process of finding a biological parent may not end well. I've chosen not to tell my story, but yours is not uncommon and is very relevant.
But you shouldn't let the natural anger at your own experience lead to a sweeping analysis. You say 'yet they are the ones that didn’t fight to keep their own child so the chances are they don’t' In many, many cases the opposite is true. Children forcibly taken. You only have to look at the dark period in social history where children were sent to Australia. And that was still happening in the 60s.
The OP is clearly sensitive to their early traumas, as is usual, and I would say that it's not good to make blind assumptions based on a singular person's story, even if it is yours. I'm genuinely sorry for you that it didn't work out. I myself have not spoken to my birth mother for nearly 30 years and have no intention of doing so, despite her attempts to contact me, after some of her actions.
HantsSeagull
Well-known member
My mother was adopted as a baby in 1939 by a 65 yr old woman and so had an 80 yr old mum as a teenager. She tried to find her birth mother twice over the years with no success. It was obviously a hole in her life and she had given up hope at 85 of ever knowing.
To cut a long story short my brother and i eventually managed to work out who she was through DNA testing and a lot of detective work - but already dead. Albeit she had only been living 45 minutes away and often came to Brighton. But as a result we have managed to put my mum in touch with a half sister and half brother and all their families and they are very close now.
Subsequently, we have also managed to identify who her father was (married man!) and the unknown father of her birth mother. All Irish. So I have gone from having precisely zero relations outside my immediate family to having about 65000. DNA testing has become quite fascinating!
To cut a long story short my brother and i eventually managed to work out who she was through DNA testing and a lot of detective work - but already dead. Albeit she had only been living 45 minutes away and often came to Brighton. But as a result we have managed to put my mum in touch with a half sister and half brother and all their families and they are very close now.
Subsequently, we have also managed to identify who her father was (married man!) and the unknown father of her birth mother. All Irish. So I have gone from having precisely zero relations outside my immediate family to having about 65000. DNA testing has become quite fascinating!