[Humour] Live Action Dad Jokes.

Bry Nylon

Test your smoke alarm

Helpful Moderator

Jul 21, 2003

20,573

Playing snooker

• Nov 14, 2024

• #41

Arrived at work this morning only to discover someone had written my name and number on a cubicle wall in the gents. Again.

Really, really pissed off. My number ends in a 7 not a 1, ffs.

 

Bry Nylon

Test your smoke alarm

Helpful Moderator

Jul 21, 2003

20,573

Playing snooker

• Friday at 8:04 PM

• #42

Arrived at work this morning to be confronted by a woman from Occupational Health who said she was there to do some random drug testing.

“No problem, I replied. “But I’m not trying crack.”

 

jcdenton08

Offended Liver Sausage

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Oct 17, 2008

14,526

• Friday at 8:06 PM

• #43

Bry Nylon said:

Arrived at work this morning to be confronted by a woman from Occupational Health who said she was there to conduct random drug testing.

“No problem, I replied. “But I’m not trying crack.”

Click to expand...

I think you may have misunderstood mate. You see, the woman from OH was blood testing people for drugs, not offering them to you to try.

 

Bry Nylon

Test your smoke alarm

Helpful Moderator

Jul 21, 2003

20,573

Playing snooker

• Friday at 8:09 PM

• #44

jcdenton08 said:

I think you may have misunderstood mate. You see, the woman from OH was blood testing people for drugs, not offering them to you to try.

Click to expand...

Well that makes everything a lot clearer!

Why didn’t she just say that in the first place, then these hilarious work-place misunderstandings that seem to keep befalling me wouldn’t occur.

 

Chicken Run

Member Since Jul 2003

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Jul 17, 2003

19,811

Valley of Hangleton

• Friday at 8:13 PM

• #45

I’ve recently started getting into fisting….!

I wanted to widen the circle of my friends

 

The Wookiee

Back From The Dead

Nov 10, 2003

15,383

Worthing

• Friday at 8:24 PM

• #46

I was having a beer down the local last night when this charming young lady rolled her eyes at me. I just picked them up and rolled them back !

 

GT49er

Well-known member

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Feb 1, 2009

49,186

Gloucester

• Friday at 8:28 PM

• #47

Lord Charles said:

It's really bugging me, what was the name of that Austrian F1 driver who won loads of grand prix in the seventies.... Niki something?

Click to expand...

 

Stato

Well-known member

Dec 21, 2011

7,367

• Friday at 8:43 PM

• #48

A mate of mine once went into a petrol station and found someone arguing with the bloke behind the till. His complaint was that it cost 20p to fill up your tyres, but it used to be free. 'That's inflation!' offered my friend. Not a glimmer of a smile from either of them.

 

Last edited: Friday at 8:55 PM

Chicken Run

Member Since Jul 2003

NSC Patron

Jul 17, 2003

19,811

Valley of Hangleton

• Friday at 9:05 PM

• #49

A woman in Perth WA was being helped by Police after complaining she’d be raped, describing the attacker as wearing white trousers and a white shirt with a green hat, the Police officer suggested “could it have been an Australian Cricketer?”

She said “It could have been he wasn’t in that long”

 

Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle

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Oct 8, 2003

56,119

Faversham

• Friday at 10:32 PM

• #50

Coldeanseagull said:

Tzugi?

Click to expand...

Corzu?

 

Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle

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Oct 8, 2003

56,119

Faversham

• Friday at 10:38 PM

• #51

Car theft in multi-story car parks.

Wrong. On so many different levels.

 

S

Shropshire Seagull

Well-known member

Nov 5, 2004

8,788

Telford

• Friday at 11:48 PM

• #52

The other day I was in a short queue to get some cash out of the ATM. The elderly lady in front of me turned round and asked me if I could help her check her balance .....



So I pushed her over ......

 

Chicken Run

Member Since Jul 2003

NSC Patron

Jul 17, 2003

19,811

Valley of Hangleton

• Saturday at 10:13 AM

• #53

Bry Nylon said:

Arrived at work this morning to be confronted by a woman from Occupational Health who said she was there to do some random drug testing.

“No problem, I replied. “But I’m not trying crack.”

Click to expand...

I hate people that take drugs….


Police, Customs Officers etc

 

Chicken Run

Member Since Jul 2003

NSC Patron

Jul 17, 2003

19,811

Valley of Hangleton

• Saturday at 10:14 AM

• #54

It’s strange but many girls scream when they see my penis….

Then they run out of the park

 

Lord Charles

Member

Oct 16, 2010

43

Bedford

• Saturday at 11:55 AM

• #55

A Glasgow dad joke. What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney? Bing sings but Walt Disney.

 

Rambo

Don't Push me

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Jul 8, 2003

3,999

Worthing/Vietnam

• Saturday at 12:23 PM

• #56

Was explaining to a friend how Mat O’Riley came on and scored the winner against Man City the other week. ‘Oh really?’ he said, no, I said, O’ Riley.

I am here all week.

 

Coldeanseagull

Opinionated

Mar 13, 2013

8,353

Coldean

• Saturday at 12:30 PM

• #57

My dad used to spin around on the light fitting and asked me to try it....I did, but I'm not a fan

 

BadFish

Huge Member

Oct 19, 2003

18,201

• Yesterday at 7:10 AM

• Thread starter
• #58

Accidental dad joke today.

My daughter has a white rabbit who has just lost his sight in one eye.

She asked me what I would call him if his name wasn't raspberry, with the instruction not to make any seeing, blind or eye jokes.

'Snowy' I replied.

'Our cousins have a can called snowy, what else?' she said.

'icy'