[Humour] Live Action Dad Jokes.

Bry Nylon

Test your smoke alarm

Helpful Moderator

Jul 21, 2003

20,572

Playing snooker

• Nov 14, 2024

• #41

Arrived at work this morning only to discover someone had written my name and number on a cubicle wall in the gents. Again.

Really, really pissed off. My number ends in a 7 not a 1, ffs.

 

Bry Nylon

Test your smoke alarm

Helpful Moderator

Jul 21, 2003

20,572

Playing snooker

• Yesterday at 8:04 PM

• #42

Arrived at work this morning to be confronted by a woman from Occupational Health who said she was there to do some random drug testing.

“No problem, I replied. “But I’m not trying crack.”

 

jcdenton08

Offended Liver Sausage

NSC Patron

Oct 17, 2008

14,487

• Yesterday at 8:06 PM

• #43

Bry Nylon said:

Arrived at work this morning to be confronted by a woman from Occupational Health who said she was there to conduct random drug testing.

“No problem, I replied. “But I’m not trying crack.”

Click to expand...

I think you may have misunderstood mate. You see, the woman from OH was blood testing people for drugs, not offering them to you to try.

 

Bry Nylon

Test your smoke alarm

Helpful Moderator

Jul 21, 2003

20,572

Playing snooker

• Yesterday at 8:09 PM

• #44

jcdenton08 said:

I think you may have misunderstood mate. You see, the woman from OH was blood testing people for drugs, not offering them to you to try.

Click to expand...

Well that makes everything a lot clearer!

Why didn’t she just say that in the first place, then these hilarious work-place misunderstandings that seem to keep befalling me wouldn’t occur.

 

Chicken Run

Member Since Jul 2003

NSC Patron

Jul 17, 2003

19,796

Valley of Hangleton

• Yesterday at 8:13 PM

• #45

I’ve recently started getting into fisting….!

I wanted to widen the circle of my friends

 

The Wookiee

Back From The Dead

Nov 10, 2003

15,379

Worthing

• Yesterday at 8:24 PM

• #46

I was having a beer down the local last night when this charming young lady rolled her eyes at me. I just picked them up and rolled them back !

 

GT49er

Well-known member

NSC Patron

Feb 1, 2009

49,171

Gloucester

• Yesterday at 8:28 PM

• #47

Lord Charles said:

It's really bugging me, what was the name of that Austrian F1 driver who won loads of grand prix in the seventies.... Niki something?

Click to expand...

 

Stato

Well-known member

Dec 21, 2011

7,365

• Yesterday at 8:43 PM

• #48

A mate of mine once went into a petrol station and found someone arguing with the bloke behind the till. His complaint was that it cost 20p to fill up your tyres, but it used to be free. 'That's inflation!' offered my friend. Not a glimmer of a smile from either of them.

 

Last edited: Yesterday at 8:55 PM

Chicken Run

Member Since Jul 2003

NSC Patron

Jul 17, 2003

19,796

Valley of Hangleton

• Yesterday at 9:05 PM

• #49

A woman in Perth WA was being helped by Police after complaining she’d be raped, describing the attacker as wearing white trousers and a white shirt with a green hat, the Police officer suggested “could it have been an Australian Cricketer?”

She said “It could have been he wasn’t in that long”

 

Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle

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Oct 8, 2003

56,063

Faversham

• Yesterday at 10:32 PM

• #50

Coldeanseagull said:

Tzugi?

Click to expand...

Corzu?

 

Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle

NSC Patron

Oct 8, 2003

56,063

Faversham

• Yesterday at 10:38 PM

• #51

Car theft in multi-story car parks.

Wrong. On so many different levels.

 

S

Shropshire Seagull

Well-known member

Nov 5, 2004

8,778

Telford

• Yesterday at 11:48 PM

• #52

The other day I was in a short queue to get some cash out of the ATM. The elderly lady in front of me turned round and asked me if I could help her check her balance .....



So I pushed her over ......