Swimboy64
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- Oct 19, 2022
- 532
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[Football] Parental advice needed for a father of a 14 year old ref.
- Thread starter Peacehaven Wild Kids
- Start date
Red card the coaches, if they refuse to leave the vicinity of the pitch, abandon the game.
And don't forget if the coaches give a false name, it's a further offence, which the league will have to deal with.
On a more serious approach:
I think whether your son continues to ref, really comes down to how long is he affected by the abuse, if its all forgotten about by Monday morning, then while the abuse is not acceptable, if he wants to continue then I would continue to support him.
If he is showing signs of still being affected into the start of school week, then whether or not he wants to continue, I would be telling him, as a minimum he needs a break, and look to become involved again in some younger age group tournaments during the summer to built his confidence back up.
Whatever is decided, just support your son as you already are.
And don't forget if the coaches give a false name, it's a further offence, which the league will have to deal with.
On a more serious approach:
I think whether your son continues to ref, really comes down to how long is he affected by the abuse, if its all forgotten about by Monday morning, then while the abuse is not acceptable, if he wants to continue then I would continue to support him.
If he is showing signs of still being affected into the start of school week, then whether or not he wants to continue, I would be telling him, as a minimum he needs a break, and look to become involved again in some younger age group tournaments during the summer to built his confidence back up.
Whatever is decided, just support your son as you already are.
Milano
Well-known member
You expect a 14 year old to red card adult coaches, who are abusing him anyway, and potentially abandon a match? Please get real. I’d imagine he was frightened, especially as his dad had temporarily left the area. These arseholes need to be reported, to the FA and to their clubs.
"On a more serious note"
No need to worry, I've made a mental note to dumb down my posts, so everyone can hopefully understand.
I will also look into whether the signature warning should be more explicit.
After experiencing that abuse, your son shows resilience in wanting to continue his interest in refereeing. I'm sure he would become a great referee.
As you have said, prioritise your son's happiness and well-being. If he doesn't enjoy it, stop.
Thanks to you and your son for talking about this.
Greg Bobkin
Silver Seagull
- May 22, 2012
- 16,285
This argument is flawed, IMO. Firstly, while I'm not condoning shouting at referees, there is a world of difference between those who officiate in the PL and the people at the lowest levels of grass roots, many of whom reluctantly do it just to ensure games go ahead.
Secondly, the OP talks about coaches verbally abusing refs. If this was done at 'an Albion game', the staff would be (and have been, with our very own RDZ) punished.
As for your last bit, I've never seen that happen and, at all of the youth football matches I've been to, I've never seen TV cameras or microphones present to pick anything up!
Last edited:
Sirnormangall
Well-known member
- Sep 21, 2017
- 3,240
So sorry to hear of your lad’s experience. I’ve been involved in youth football for many years and sadly this type of thing is not uncommon - even though you’re supposed to have passed a safeguarding course to be a coach.
Quite recently one of our club officials had to ref a youth match because there simply aren’t enough refs. He got a lot of dreadful abuse from opposition parents who thought it unfair and absurd that we couldn’t get a proper ref. When I challenged them that the reason why there aren’t enough refs is because of people like them, sadly they just didn’t accept or get it. The problem is that most of them are pig ignorant and have no idea ( or desire to understand) what it’s like to run kids’ football or indeed any voluntary activity.
In your shoes I would:
* report your experience to the safeguarding officers at both clubs
* report it to the League and copy to the Sussex FA safeguarding team ( they need to know that this happened and the FA is spending a lot of money on advertising currently about this type of negative behaviour).
Finally I’d show your son the posts on this thread. We’re right behind him.
Cotton Socks
Skint Supporter
- Feb 20, 2017
- 2,207
Nope, I haven't screamed obscenities at a ref! An eyeroll or maybe a quiet mumbled ffs, but usually the ffs is directed at the player for doing something wrong. A quiet wtf & raised eyebrows if the ref is in the wrong. However if I'm at home watching on the TV and VAR make a stupid decision then I have been known to say 'oh f**k off' to the tv!
Milano
Well-known member
I do think a 14 year old should not be refereeing 13 year olds, it’s asking for trouble as the average 13 yo is not going to respect a 14 yo. Doesn’t excuse the coaches though.
As kids get older having a ‘proper’ ref becomes more and more important. My elder son (15) has had the opposition coach ref too often this season because there are not enough refs. It has a negative effect on the match to the result that a couple of matches have been farcical.
As kids get older having a ‘proper’ ref becomes more and more important. My elder son (15) has had the opposition coach ref too often this season because there are not enough refs. It has a negative effect on the match to the result that a couple of matches have been farcical.
The league refs can't do anything about the crowd but they can about players and most of the time they don't which is the behaviour that filters down to grassroots players and how they believe they can get away with the same behaviour.
Greg Bobkin
Silver Seagull
- May 22, 2012
- 16,285
I've watched Bobkin Jnr's matches where this has happened - and the 'ref' has been coaching 'his' players during the game! Bonkers.
So sorry to hear that.
Certainly contact the FA and also consider Ref Support on Twitter, he’s excellent
Certainly contact the FA and also consider Ref Support on Twitter, he’s excellent
Write to the league and include a factual referees report from your son (or vice versa). The refs report should request a 5 match touchline ban for both sets of coaches. Then, a mix of A and B for your son - you are doing a good job, mate 
sydney
tinky ****in winky
hey mate , i haven't read all replies but maybe message the league and ask them to send an observer down to a game .......this is and has been a massive problem and adults really , really should know better , if they cant behave themselves then they fine the club involved or deduct points ......alternatively spark the fuckers out.
Refs in the premier are scared and it’s down to the law makers. Dissent could be cleared in a season for example.
Both I think. The coaches definitely need blowing up. Or they'll just keep doing it.
Thought this would sit nicely here
Absolute weapons on the sidelines
Peacehaven Wild Kids
Well-known member
- Thread starter
- #98
Thank you, yes, this message needs repeating constantly.
On a personal level this season things have been better but I have paid closer to the proceedings (as opposed to walking the dog, going for a cup of coffee)
One incident he did report was Gatwick Warriors FC playing down at Telscombe (my wife was there I was working)
The abuse he got, when explaining it to me said he thought they were pissed (a10a.m kick off) as there seemed no other logical explanation.
The home team also reported them to the league, but we haven’t heard anything.
Anyhoo he’s had a couple of good matches on the bounce and also a new found love of vinyl
so he puts up with shit as he now regularly puts his match fee over the counter at Resident Records the following day
Have to say I've never really witnessed this in kids football yet. We are only at under 11's I guess. I've seen the coaches squaring up to other coaches / parents but apart from the odd shouting appeal to the ref for a penalty or something, I haven't really seen any abuse.
Like with many things in football (diving, time-wasting etc) if the authorities really cared, and really wanted it eradicated, they could do it very quickly. I think it's too much to expect a 14 year old to red card fully grown male coaches and abandon the game if he's getting abused, but if he was getting abused then once the game has finished and he's gone home away from the coaches and parents, he should just be able to award a 3-0 victory to the opposition. They'd find out later that day and there wouldn't need to be a confrontation on the pitch or after the game. It would stop fairly quickly once teams started losing every game.
Like with many things in football (diving, time-wasting etc) if the authorities really cared, and really wanted it eradicated, they could do it very quickly. I think it's too much to expect a 14 year old to red card fully grown male coaches and abandon the game if he's getting abused, but if he was getting abused then once the game has finished and he's gone home away from the coaches and parents, he should just be able to award a 3-0 victory to the opposition. They'd find out later that day and there wouldn't need to be a confrontation on the pitch or after the game. It would stop fairly quickly once teams started losing every game.
I've said it before:
any manager, player or pundit blaming referees for their own failures should be banned from football for a long time. During this time they should not only be banned from games, but also training sessions.
During the ban, the manager/player/pundit will work as a youth referee to a) develop human understanding of refereeing and b) compensate for everything they ruin.
any manager, player or pundit blaming referees for their own failures should be banned from football for a long time. During this time they should not only be banned from games, but also training sessions.
During the ban, the manager/player/pundit will work as a youth referee to a) develop human understanding of refereeing and b) compensate for everything they ruin.