What's your favourite Bernard Manning line?

[Tesco in Disguise]

I bet you don't.

metaphorical 'n' tha'.

 

[Brighton Breezy]

The FLATline on his heart monitor.

 

[The Large One]

The FLATline on his heart monitor.

The very SECOND I was going to put that in, I saw you did it.

Bugger.

 

[Brovion]

Bernard Manning went to the doctors.
"Doctor, doctor I don't feel too good."
"Here," said the doctor handing him a bucketful of brown liquid, "drink this."
Manning drunk it and instantly felt much better.
"Wow that's brilliant Doc, what was it? Some sort of tonic?"
"Naa," replied the doctor, "just liquid shit. All you needed was topping up!"


(Ok when Manning told it it was a black man, but hey, it works this way as well as I'm sure everyone will agree).

 

[TonyW]

if by '6th formers' you mean people in education, je pose ma valise.

Do you mean J'ai posé ma valise??

 

[bhaexpress]

Time to go home folks

 

[Tesco in Disguise]

Do you mean J'ai posé ma valise??

no. was going for present tense and couldn't be bothered to use accents. anyway, not sure that that's the turn of phrase.

 

[pasty]

Isn't the French verb for "rest" REposer. Therefore Je repose ma valise

 

[Parson Henry]

Can I ask why?
Iraqi women are far and away more attractive than the fat northern slags that make up a Bernard Manning gig.

Says who?

PS Have never pulled at a BM gig nor have I in Iraq..so I know sweet FA!

 

[unnameable]

"We slept six in a bed and five of them used to wet themselves. I learnt to swim before I could walk."

Bernard Manning's great grandfather was Jewish. He was called Blomberg and came from Sebastopol in Ukraine. I read that in his obituary today.

 

[Buzzer]

My favourite line of his?

"I'm not a racist..."


Oh how I laughed at the fat racist ****.

 

[BRIGHT ON Q]

I sentence this man for ten years for beating his wife to death with a hammer.
A man at the back of the court in the public gallery says 'you lousy bastard'.
I also sentence you to a further ten years for beating your mother-in -law to death with a hammer.
The same man at the back of the court says 'you rotten lousy bastard'
The judge stops proceedings and says 'what is all this shouting out from the back,any more and i will do you for contempt of court.
The man replies 'Well i lived next door to this man for 20 years,and every time i asked to borrow a hammer,he said he never had one'

 

[Scotty Mac]

Bernard Manning went to the doctors.
"Doctor, doctor I don't feel too good."
"Here," said the doctor handing him a bucketful of brown liquid, "drink this."
Manning drunk it and instantly felt much better.
"Wow that's brilliant Doc, what was it? Some sort of tonic?"
"Naa," replied the doctor, "just liquid shit. All you needed was topping up!"


(Ok when Manning told it it was a black man, but hey, it works this way as well as I'm sure everyone will agree).

i dont

 

[Watford d'oh]

f***ing hell its hot down here