What is the Worst bird you have shagged?

[Soul Finger]

At a barbecue in London a few years ago. Full of carpet munchers, punks and South Africans.

I ended up with the only straight girl in the place. Not a bad looker, dad was in the mafia, and things were all good.

Woke up in the morning feeling fairly chuffed, she rolled over to get a drink and to my horror she had a hairier arse than me! A bristley cleft! Yuk.

I made my excuses and fecked right off.

 

[Meade's Ball]

The ugliest woman i ever slept with had to be my Auntie Gladys. She snuck into my room when i was 17 while my little brother and sister slept innocently in their bunkbed. The first i knew of her was her tepid breath on my cheek. She rubbed her warty face on mine and whispered that it was time to make a man of me.
Her breasts were on me as soon as our lips met. I couldn't believe she was naked (partially because of the covering of hair on her torso). I have to admit that i was frozen. My tongue was tied in hers; only ever released for when she chose to mutter unrepeatable filth about all sorts of things in all sorts of holes.
We weren't together long. I mean, who could possibly hold on with that kind of obese erotica atop him.
It was a time we don't speak much about, me and Gladys. But, once in a while, she winks at me with her good eye and we both crack that knowing smile that only a man and the wretched auntie who robbed him of his cherry can smile.

 

[Marshy]

The ugliest woman i ever slept with had to be my Auntie Gladys. She snuck into my room when i was 17 while my little brother and sister slept innocently in their bunkbed. The first i knew of her was her tepid breath on my cheek. She rubbed her warty face on mine and whispered that it was time to make a man of me.
Her breasts were on me as soon as our lips met. I couldn't believe she was naked (partially because of the covering of hair on her torso). I have to admit that i was frozen. My tongue was tied in hers; only ever released for when she chose to mutter unrepeatable filth about all sorts of things in all sorts of holes.
We weren't together long. I mean, who could possibly hold on with that kind of obese erotica atop him.
It was a time we don't speak much about, me and Gladys. But, once in a while, she winks at me with her good eye and we both crack that knowing smile that only a man and the wretched auntie who robbed him of his cherry can smile.

 

[Northstander]

The ugliest woman i ever slept with had to be my Auntie Gladys. She snuck into my room when i was 17 while my little brother and sister slept innocently in their bunkbed. The first i knew of her was her tepid breath on my cheek. She rubbed her warty face on mine and whispered that it was time to make a man of me.
Her breasts were on me as soon as our lips met. I couldn't believe she was naked (partially because of the covering of hair on her torso). I have to admit that i was frozen. My tongue was tied in hers; only ever released for when she chose to mutter unrepeatable filth about all sorts of things in all sorts of holes.
We weren't together long. I mean, who could possibly hold on with that kind of obese erotica atop him.
It was a time we don't speak much about, me and Gladys. But, once in a while, she winks at me with her good eye and we both crack that knowing smile that only a man and the wretched auntie who robbed him of his cherry can smile.

 

[Scotty Mac]

The ugliest woman i ever slept with had to be my Auntie Gladys. She snuck into my room when i was 17 while my little brother and sister slept innocently in their bunkbed. The first i knew of her was her tepid breath on my cheek. She rubbed her warty face on mine and whispered that it was time to make a man of me.
Her breasts were on me as soon as our lips met. I couldn't believe she was naked (partially because of the covering of hair on her torso). I have to admit that i was frozen. My tongue was tied in hers; only ever released for when she chose to mutter unrepeatable filth about all sorts of things in all sorts of holes.
We weren't together long. I mean, who could possibly hold on with that kind of obese erotica atop him.
It was a time we don't speak much about, me and Gladys. But, once in a while, she winks at me with her good eye and we both crack that knowing smile that only a man and the wretched auntie who robbed him of his cherry can smile.

 

[Gully]

A pheasant with an old Ford Orion, made a hell of a bang as it thumped off the top of the wheel archl.

 

[fatboy]

Ahhhhhhh.

Was it your first time?

It was my foot that was bleeding. If I didn't know how I did it I would have expected it to have been from her standing on my foot. Or looking at it.

If that was my first time I am sure it wouild also have been my last.

 

[fatboy]

when I was 20 I pulled with a 34 year old minger who we'd been ripping the piss out of earlier that night wondering what tw*t would shag a munter like that! d'oh

Didn't you shag a 54 year old?

 

[sneakychef]

At my freshers ball, I was taken advantage of by a bearded, substantial young lady.

She had bigger sideburns than I'll ever grow

And apparently, according to unsubstantiated rummour, she defacated in the bath after I managed to sneak out at 3 in the morning.

Classy these birds from Grimsby.

 

[dougdeep]

Shag=bird of the cormorant family.

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

The ugliest woman i ever slept with had to be my Auntie Gladys. She snuck into my room when i was 17 while my little brother and sister slept innocently in their bunkbed. The first i knew of her was her tepid breath on my cheek. She rubbed her warty face on mine and whispered that it was time to make a man of me.
Her breasts were on me as soon as our lips met. I couldn't believe she was naked (partially because of the covering of hair on her torso). I have to admit that i was frozen. My tongue was tied in hers; only ever released for when she chose to mutter unrepeatable filth about all sorts of things in all sorts of holes.
We weren't together long. I mean, who could possibly hold on with that kind of obese erotica atop him.
It was a time we don't speak much about, me and Gladys. But, once in a while, she winks at me with her good eye and we both crack that knowing smile that only a man and the wretched auntie who robbed him of his cherry can smile.