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Urban myths



B

Berk (of 'Trapdoor' fame)

New member
Mar 24, 2005
460
edna krabappel said:
Does anyone remember that particularly hideous one about the woman, the lobster and the mud shrimps?

Went round on e-mail a few years back.

:eek:
Click to expand...

Wasn't she pleasuring herself with a lobster!? It laid some eggs in her, which managed to develop in her womb; which later caused her to erupt prawn cocktail and die?

Simply prawn-o-graphic!
 




Lady Whistledown

Lady Whistledown

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 7, 2003
47,514
Berk (of 'Trapdoor' fame) said:
Wasn't she pleasuring herself with a lobster!? It laid some eggs in her, which managed to develop in her womb; which later caused her to erupt prawn cocktail and die?

Simply prawn-o-graphic!
Click to expand...

As I recall it, she went for a wizz one day, felt a strange sensation and looked down in horror to see millions of mini mud shrimps wriggling down in the pan, before passing out in shock, cracking her head on the toilet and killing herself in the process.

Can't beat a good urban myth!
 


M

maffew

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2003
8,970
Worcester England
edna krabappel said:
As I recall it, she went for a wizz one day, felt a strange sensation and looked down in horror to see millions of mini mud shrimps wriggling down in the pan, before passing out in shock, cracking her head on the toilet and killing herself in the process.

Can't beat a good urban myth!
Click to expand...

classic stuff


SHRIMP ANYONE?? ------

One morning around 5a.m., 22-year-old Susan DaLucci of Kittery
Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought
she had diarrhoea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realised
that it was urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of
having diarrhoea, just out of the wrong hole. She wobbled to the
toilet and upon sitting on it; her vagina erupted into the most
horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralysing
pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and
squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while
she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and
neighbours called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms.
DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of the bathroom wearing
nothing but her bathrobe. Running down her leg, was a stream of
brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a
stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg, which was bent crossing her
other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted
up. When he lifted her leg to straighten her left leg to straighten
her body out, he exposed her vagina, at which point a creature, no
lager than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals
and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound. Shocked, the
medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom
floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat
there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping back and
forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt nausea
setting in. when he put his face down the toilet to puke what he
saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet
without convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby
mud shrimps flipping and splashing at a furious pace. If you think
that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened:

Ms. DeLucci's official death was the result of a combination of
shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain
and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell,
smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor. It is
believed by medical police that on two nights before the accident, she had
purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub,
she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive
pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's
face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a
lesbian video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in
front of the tub. The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can
wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on
the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged themselves
between the lobster tail joints. The lobsters face was lightly
burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's digestive
track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings.

Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in
the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to
death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's
vagina when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two
days gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting
her period, doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual
cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp
which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets
sold throughout the US. Over night the eggs hatched and the mud
shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes. You can imagine
the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet
 










D

dougdeep

New member
May 9, 2004
37,732
SUNNY SEAFORD
Swans can break your arm. :lolol:
 


V

Vlad the Impala

New member
Jul 16, 2004
1,345
Ernest is funny.
 












Gritt23

Gritt23

New member
Jul 7, 2003
14,902
Meopham, Kent.
1. Chameleon's change colour according to their surroundings.

2. Humphrey Bogarde says "Play it again Sam" in Casablanca.

3. Terry Venables is a good manager.
 


















Brixtaan

Brixtaan

New member
Jul 7, 2003
5,030
Border country.East Preston.
Traffic wardens don't work on Bank Holidays.:angry:
 




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