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Tottenham Hotspur Jokes







pornomagboy

wake me up before you gogo who needs potter when
May 16, 2006
6,080
peacehaven
madonna is set to be names the new tottenham boss as she has managed to keep clean sheets for 18 months
 






Brovion

In my defence, I was left unsupervised.
NSC Patron
Jul 6, 2003
19,688
That one first came out when Barry Lloyd was manager of BHA.
Actually I heard it when Peter Swales was chairman of Man City. In that version he collapsed on the steet and was taken into the Alliance Building Society. You'll notice I didn't even bother changing the names of the lower divisions!
 






Brovion

In my defence, I was left unsupervised.
NSC Patron
Jul 6, 2003
19,688
Elizabeth Fritzl's diary


Monday: Stayed in. Dad came down and f*cked me.

Tuesday: Stayed in. Got f*cked by Dad.

Wednesday: Stayed in. Dad f*cked me doggy style.

Thursday: Stayed in. Dad $punked on my face.

Friday: Stayed in. Dad gave my arse a right poundin.

Saturday: Dad took me to watch Spurs play. Wish we'd stayed in.
I hadn't heard that one before! :D
 






Guy Fawkes

The voice of treason
Sep 29, 2007
8,273
2 Spurs fans, depressed at watching yet another dismal first half performance by their team decide to leave early, on the way out they decide that the things are so bad that rather than have to watch Spurs again this season, they would nail their season tickets to a nearby telephone pole, before they headed to the pub.

After a couple of beers to drown their sorrows, they start to have second thoughts about their season tickets and decided to head back to the ground to retrieve them.

Arriving back at the ground, they were shocked to find that there season tickets were still there but that some B*stard had nicked the nails.
 








Garage_Doors

Originally the Swankers
Jun 28, 2008
11,790
Brighton
Ramos was apparently caught speeding last night, said he would do anything for 3 points
 


The Lemming Stomper

Under the flag
Apr 1, 2007
2,688
Saltdean
Juande Ramos turned up at White Hart Lane early one morning and bumped into the head groundsman, after chatting he noticed the pitch and said ?Senor how you keep the pitch looking so good?? The groundsman replied, well you do keep putting £70m of shit on there every week

:laugh::laugh::laugh: Brilliant! :bowdown::bowdown::bowdown:
 


Guy Fawkes

The voice of treason
Sep 29, 2007
8,273
My mate has just called to ask if I want any tickets to watch a couple of comedy acts on 21st December.

I asked, “Who's appearing?”

He said, “Newcastle and Spurs.”




It's panto season again at White Hart Lane. I have to keep shouting at the Tottenham defence, "they're behind you!"
 




Guy Fawkes

The voice of treason
Sep 29, 2007
8,273
A little boy gets ten pounds for his birthday & rushes down to the sports shop to buy the new football he has been desperate for. He gives the ball to the shopkeeper, "sorry son this ball is twenty pound you only have ten pound."

Thinking quickly the boy " says ok if you blindfold me & I can guess the name of the club on any ball will you give it to me for ten pound?"The shopkeeper curiously agrees and gives the boy an Arsenal ball, "I can hear canons blasting so its an Arsenal ball", next he gives him a Millwall ball, "I can hear a pack of rampant lions it must be a Millwall ball"

Amazed the man says "Get this and you can have it for nothing!" The boy listens and says "Thats a Tottenham ball" The man says "You heard a cockerel right?" The boy says "No Its going down."
 


Guy Fawkes

The voice of treason
Sep 29, 2007
8,273
I heard on Sky Sports News today that Tottenham are to employ Hugh Heffner as their new defensive coach.

A Spurs spokesman said " Well, if anyone can make a success out of a bunch of wide open c*nts..."




Juande Ramos has been told by the Tottenham board that his job is safe.

They also told him that the earth is flat, Santa Claus is real and Red Rum is going to win the Grand National again.
 


Guy Fawkes

The voice of treason
Sep 29, 2007
8,273
Two policemen were horrified to find a number of the Tottenham football team playing football with a hedgehog yesterday.
They were just about to phone the RSPCA when they realised the hedgehog was beating them four nil.
 










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