Things You Wish Your Girlfriend Said

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

*checks watch*

Sigh....

 

[Easy 10]

Will you PLEASE hurry up and go down the pub so I can finish painting the kitchen.

 

[strings]

"Oh, sorry, I didn't realise you were trying to watch that TV programme/football match/rugby match/grand prix. I'll just carry on reading Closer magazine and bother you with more inane drivel about jordan's latest butt-hair-bleaching later."

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

It'd really help me tidy up your house quicker if you came on my face

 

[BHAFC4EVER]

'Sure i will suck you off on request'

 

[Aristotle]

Wasn't there a Lynx advert like this a few years ago? My favourite was:

When you talk about football, I can see why they call it the beautiful game.

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

Would you like your blow job at half time or when the match is finished? Silly me, I meant AFTER the post match analysis!

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

You've got the biggest cock I've ever seen


Then again, she is 10.

 

[pasty]

Yes

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

Would you like to try face f***ing me? - I'd like it rough please.

 

[Iamapen15]

"15 schnitzengruben's is about my limit"

 

[Les Biehn]

Do you think my whole hand will fit up my bum hole?

 

[The Goon]

Do you think my whole hand will fit up my bum hole?

 

[forumwayseagull]

Oh darling I know you are shagging someone else, I love the way you follow SUPER Brighton everywhere, I know you have a stash of porn, etc etc, but I have one request after you have finished ragging my arse, would you mind getting hold of the new secreatary at my work as she looks so lonely and I think she is a Virgin.....hahaha

 

[Lush]

Ah - an opportunity to share my Porn for Women calendar with you all. Each month features a hunky guy and particular favourite captions include:

February - "I rented a massage table - tonight's about your needs."
March - "Hey, guess what? I just paid off the mortgage!"
April - "Let's get a professional to fix it."
August (in rubber gloves)- "I'm going to make this bathroom shine!"
September (carrying a tray of soup, flowers, tissues) "I thought I heard a sniffle"
October - "I was wrong."

 

[Brian]

Oh course its not a cock, i just have an extra large clit. Now stop being silly and stick it up my arse.

 

[driller]

Do you think my whole hand will fit up my bum hole?

Do you think another whole hand will fit up my bum hole

 

[The screamer]

I'm pregnant, it's not yours though

 

[Captain Haddock]

You won't believe this but my wife has actually just said to me, in a genuinely encouraging way, "go on, start watchin the footy!".

Mind you, how she knew I had The Football League Weekend stashed on my V+ is anyone's guess!!

 

[Captain Haddock]

How about:

"Good news! I've just won the lottery and the first thing I want to do with the loot is take us round the world and give you a blow job / go on top (etc) in every place we visit.

Then we'll return home and we'll buy a house with games room, football pitch in the back garden, cinema room and a selection of no-strings-attached beauties for your extra-curricular pleasure.

Oh and would you mind if I started introducing stunning bi-sexual women into our relationship completely out of character for me I know but I have a strong urge to do it all of a sudden.



Hmmm.... Maybe just a tiny bit ambitious do you think?