The things you learn from TV advertisements

[TheBlueAndWhiteStrips]

Darth Vader is a lot shorter than I remember.

 

[fire&skill]

Timothy Spall's pronunciation of the word 'Wickes' makes me want to kill a pensioner. And their small dog.

 

[Cantona's Flying Dropkick]

When bleaches say they kill 99.9% or all known germs, it's not them you should be worried about but the 0.1% or unknown ones!

 

[Dr. Notthenineo'clocknews]

if you're a landlord, you should have proper landlord insurance

 

[Hillian1]

You can only make the words Good and Food rhyme if said in a broad scottish styleee accent.

Co Op, Guud with Fuud.

 

[Dawn Korus]

you can rollerskate whilst on the blob

 

[Titanic]

you can rollerskate whilst on the blob

Is there a male equivalent... I'd love to be able to rollerskate!

 

[Neil]

Why do women always have blue periods in the tampon adverts?

 

[mlg57]

Squirrels are very clever at crossing assault courses.

 

[Titanic]

However lovely the Dulux dog is, that tune makes me want to throw up!

 

[Cantona's Flying Dropkick]

You get a good price for your scrap gold.



(No. You'll get a better price from jewellers on the high street.)

 

[fruitnveg]

All you need is Juan Sheet!

 

[Titanic]

If I tried to fob Mrs T off with the old "I'm learning Japanese" line, she would be through my browser history and DNS cache as quick as you can say Konichiwa!

 

[Titanic]

A reassuring old codger in a shed has just tried to tell me that "the solution's in the can". Well I don't know what his problem is, but I rather think he has been drinking the Jeyes Fluid!

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Go Compare wish to be boycotted forever on grounds of sheer annoyance

 

[Simster]

There is no way that some lawn repairer is going to make the hair reappear on that fat bloke who was in The Bill you stupid bitch. Now leave him to sleep in peace in his ridioculously bland rectangle garden.

 

[Gazwag]

If you don't eat all of a snickers you are in deep shit

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

Martians like Cadbury's Smash

 

[Badger]

Every time you say the word "Intel"* an annoying little jingle will play

*daa dadada daaa

 

[Gary Leeds]

There is no way that some lawn repairer is going to make the hair reappear on that fat bloke who was in The Bill you stupid bitch. Now leave him to sleep in peace in his ridioculously bland rectangle garden.

He has got to be up early in the morning to drive his tour bus and eat jaffa cakes anyway