The GENIUS of Cheryl Cole

[El Presidente]

Not really one for her music, but to be fair, I'd happily cover her face in 'Messy Little Raindrops'.

As a North Eastern bonny lass, you could follow that up with a CLEVELAND STEAMER too

 

[El Presidente]

This surely is the stuff that dreams are made of........if your name is Max Clifford.

Talentless racist singer wanting to remove the racist label

Mixed race gay footballer wanting to escape the gay rumours

Put them together, and 'Hey Presto' both sets of rumours quelled.

Then engineer a divorce, whilst reinforcing the heterosexual capabilities of the latter via a series of one night stands carefully leaked to the press.

.....and everyone ends up living happily ever after, she with the nation's chav sweetheart crown and him thought of a bit of a lad, but with people scratching their heads as to why he fucks a barmaid when you have pure gold at home, unless the barmaid is being paid to make up the story and he goes along with it....

 

[Guerrero]

Not much genius in having "Mrs Cole" tattood on the back of her neck.

 

[Questions]

With her forthcoming album "Messy Little Raindrops" due to hit the shops on November 1st, here's a sneak preview of some of the lyrics from 'Happy Tears' - which gives a heartbreaking insight into the breakup of her marriage to philandering soccerist blingmeister Ashley...

I cried when I heard you were cheatin'

I cried when I said I was leavin'

I cut off my hair and painted my toes

I sold all the diamonds and burnt all your clothes

I cried when I slashed all your tyres

I cried when your suit hit the fire...

Powerful stuff.
And get THIS, from the official X-Factor magazine:



We're SO fortunate to live in this golden ago of pop. Enjoy it while it lasts.

I thought it was Leonard Cohen or Morrisey. Marvellous stuff.

 

[Nibble]

This surely is the stuff that dreams are made of........if your name is Max Clifford.

Talentless racist singer wanting to remove the racist label

Mixed race gay footballer wanting to escape the gay rumours

Put them together, and 'Hey Presto' both sets of rumours quelled.

Then engineer a divorce, whilst reinforcing the heterosexual capabilities of the latter via a series of one night stands carefully leaked to the press.

.....and everyone ends up living happily ever after, she with the nation's chav sweetheart crown and him thought of a bit of a lad, but with people scratching their heads as to why he fucks a barmaid when you have pure gold at home, unless the barmaid is being paid to make up the story and he goes along with it....

I believe you may well have covered pretty muchthe truth of that story and most other similar stories.

 

[vegster]

It seems, we are indeed, living in interesting times..... Its funny how after some very modest sales, the tangerine Miss Cole is regarded as an expert on Wannabe singers and employed dropping pearls of wisdom and tears of consolation in equal order without any shame.

 

[Tooting Gull]

This surely is the stuff that dreams are made of........if your name is Max Clifford.

Talentless racist singer wanting to remove the racist label

Mixed race gay footballer wanting to escape the gay rumours

Put them together, and 'Hey Presto' both sets of rumours quelled.

Then engineer a divorce, whilst reinforcing the heterosexual capabilities of the latter via a series of one night stands carefully leaked to the press.

.....and everyone ends up living happily ever after, she with the nation's chav sweetheart crown and him thought of a bit of a lad, but with people scratching their heads as to why he fucks a barmaid when you have pure gold at home, unless the barmaid is being paid to make up the story and he goes along with it....

I'm a sucker for a conspiracy theory - and that is top drawer.

There should be a film of Max Clifford's life. If only you could get the screenplay past the lawyers. Who would play him? I reckon James Brolin might fit the bill (assuming he's still alive).

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

So yet another album full of "songs" written by other people sung by some northern racist using autotune.

Just about sums it up

 

[El Presidente]

What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?

One is a marsupial that lives in Australia, and the other is Cheryl Cole stuck in a telephone box.