The Battle Of Brighton 2011

[bobby smith]

It's quite clear from various other threads that today is going to be something akin to the Battle for Middle Earth (only with more orcs). With that in mind, and as a complete neutral, I've decided to write an epic battle poem about it. Before Attila does.

THE BATTLE OF BRIGHTON 2011

'Twas on the Twenty Seventh
in the merry month of September
The Palace envoys came to town
For a day they'd long remember

They arrived by road and rail
In caravan and coach
Armed with thermos flasks
As Brighton they approached

Some brave Eagles had taken off
The whole day from work
Some came dressed as Beowulf
And some as Captain Kirk

The alehouses by the station
Soon they were awash
With spotty blokes in blue red shirts
Talking nerdy tosh

Terrified old ladies ran
From the heaving mobs
"We don't mind football fans
but these are tedious knobs"

Rumours on the internet
Said they were tooled up
Sure, some had brought down Bovril
In a paper cup

Some had Klingon dictionaries
This was quite a rabble
At least two groups were seen
Toting Travel Scrabble

Knocking back six bottles each
Of finest Becks Blue
Soon they started swaying
And chanting "procreate you"

The barman hadn't the heart to say
"That beer's alcohol free"
As half the group passed out in the street
And the rest went for a pee

The ones not dressed in colours
Looked fresh from London Palladium
In cheesecloth shirts and wide-rimmed hats
At Amex Community Stadium

They arrived at Falmer in good spirits
Of drink they'd had their fill
They took their seats in the South Stand
And promptly lost four nil

Heading back to Croydon slums
Broken and upset
They cheered up when they saw their train
Was one not ticked off yet

When all the Earth is dust once more
The Angels Up in Heaven
Will still talk of the Battle of Brighton
In the year Twenty Eleven

We have a NEW poet in residence one thinks

 

[Crofty]

We have a NEW poet in residence one thinks

...and a clown at that...you idiot!

 

[bobby smith]

...and a clown at that...you idiot!

Hey NIGE how are u my old Mucker

 

[trueblue]

Excellent poem. Good to see that even the Palace fans could appreciate the humour (once they found someone that could read it to them).

 

[KJP]

Absolutely brilliant

 

[Nibble]

Utter shit.