Stupid sayings that are blatantly WRONG...

[Bluejuice]

An apple a day keeps the doctor at bay.

No amount of apples consumed or collected are going to help you avoid a trip to the clinic if some ho you've spunked up has given you the itch. And nor will said apples offer you any protection from being hit by a bus, after which a doctor would naturally be first point of call.

 

[The Great Cornholio]

Why do British gay people not come out of the cupboard?

 

[Yorkie]

When was the last time you saw the last straw breaking a camel's back? It's rubbish that is. Because how does the camel know it's the last straw? Only if it asked nicely there's probably another box of them under the bar.

The same reasoning that clutching at straws will help.

If you are drowning, a couple of straws is no use at all.

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

When in Rome ... do as the Romans do.

f*** off, the Romans were all over the world getting pissed up, shagging and killing in other cities.

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

All cricketers will have heard the term "dropped catch"

If it was a fecking catch it wasn't dropped !!
Either it was a catch, or it was dropped - but it can't be a dropped catch surely ?

Feck sake ...

 

[Timbo]

'You can't say fairer than that'

Yes I can, I just said it. Look, I can say it again.

'Fairer than that'

 

[London Calling]

"dO BEARS SHIT IN WOODS".

Well, when was the last time you put a size 10 in bear poo?
Whilst going for a walk thru your local wood.

Bears are clean creatures and use the local wc's.

 

[London Calling]

All roads lead to Rome?

No they don't. My old cul -de -sac ...................led to no where!

 

[withdeanwombat]

The same reasoning that clutching at straws will help.

If you are drowning, a couple of straws is no use at all.

Yes,but,if you are only just out of your depth you could poke a straw above the surface and breathe until the water evaporates or the tide turns(or hell freezes over)and so escape a watery grave.Or avoid Dr.No's henchmen as James Bond did.

 

[withdeanwombat]

Rome wasn't built in a day.Certainly wasn't.Romans were too busy colonising other Eurodestinations in a pre- EU binge.Had the sense to brick the jocks in,too.Had probably seen their football,and got the whiff of haggis in batter from down Sauchiehall Street.

 

[Woodchip]

"Close but no cigar"
I don't smoke so it would be useless if I was on target.

"Do as I say not as I do"
When have I ever followed orders?!?!?!

 

[Stumpy Tim]

"If [insert name] heard you, he would turn in his grave".

Two points:

1. He won't hear you because he's dead.
2. He won't turn in his grave because he's dead.

Ridiculous

 

[Bry Nylon]

"That's obvious - even to a blind man on a galloping horse."

Rest assured, anything you say will be of very little interest to a blind man on a galloping horse. Chances are he will be too busy shitting his pants to pay any attention.

 

[Bry Nylon]

"If [insert name] heard you, he would turn in his grave."

...He won't turn in his grave because he's dead

The former proprieter of my local Kebab bar turns in his grave. His relatives equipped his coffin with a rotating skewer.

It's what he would have wanted.

 

[the Realist]

"we will not get relegated"

 

[WATFORD O]

"A watched kettle never boils"

Well I've just made a round of tea, and as I couldn't be bothered to leave the kitchen while the kettle boiled, I stood there. Watching it. Sure enough, about 3 minutes later, the kettle had indeed boiled despite me not taking my eyes off it for so much as a SECOND. I proceeded to make some piping hot tea for my work colleagues.

Its a good job I'm not an eye mental, or I could easily have suffered severe burns and permanent scarring if I'd tested THAT little theory out. It's irresponsible, meaningless sayings like this that make my blood boil.

Gahhhnnn dahhhn (you hope)

 

[Martlet]

"Going down like a lead balloon"

Lead balloons go down bloody brilliantly!

 

[whitelion]

I hope you are not ignoring me Whitelion!

Apologies BoF didn't see your original post.......................

 

[Barrel of Fun]

Apologies BoF didn't see your original post.......................

No problemo.

Every cloud has a silver lining. I just tried to find one and looked directly into the sun.

Need some of these

 

[Trufflehound]

Went to the pub the other day and the sign on the door said "Pull". So I went in and started chatting up the first good-looking woman I saw.


Didn't see any problem with that - until Mrs T failed to appreciate the funny side...