Ryanair - top ranting

[Wozza]

From a bloke named Bob

Ryanair really is the epitome of dismal.

The service, the scratchcards, the ability to make something so pricelessly cheap and poxy still so relatively overpriced (even the 1p seats), the horrible conditions you are forced to endure: it is all the absolute distillation of sheer awfulness.

The last time - in every sense - that I flew with Ryanair, I had made the mistake of letting somebody else book my flight for a stag do. Upon arriving at the airport (a little village outside Norwich, called Stansted) I then couldn't bring myself to talk to that person for an hour after I heard who they'd booked with.

Yet I can honestly say, hand-on-heart, the service was actually indescribably worse than I had imagined prior to boarding.

I would rather try and get anywhere I need to go clinging onto the dorsal fin of a hungry Great White shark, or being dragged behind a dustbin lorry on a hot summer's day than step on one of their flights into the unknown, yet always surprising, inadequacies of humanity and customer service.

It is as though the whole thing has actually been designed in the nightmarish labs of some inhumane regime to shake your faith and belief in humanity and, more fundamentally, civilisation.

From the very first moment the lurid, acidic yellow of their fixtures and fittings (the same colour, I can only imagine, as the last squeak of piss from a man who died of dehydration and a Berrocca overdose ...some weeks ago) hits you, the sensory violation is too much to take. Who could ever sleep *again* after seeing such a colour, let alone within minutes on the very same flight!

So, denied the easy release of sleep, you then are forced to sit, hopelessly stuck in a balancing act of universal impossibility and discomfort, stripped of basic necessities such as leg room or a seat back pocket to hold objects of unimagined controversy among the travelling fraternity - such as a book.

You could put your possessions in a bag of course and put the bag in the spacious overhead luggage rack, but if you're clinging to such a foolish notion you're clearly a first- and last-timer on Ryanair.

So, packed in but balancing some not-unreasonable possessions uncomfortably upon your lap for the seemingly interminable duration of your flight, you are then kept busy by the irresolvable questions your flight conjures in your fevered mind:

- Who buys a ringtone from a budget airline?

- What could Ryanair possibly have that I would ever want; let alone want enough to buy one of their lottery tickets?

- What the hell did the man in front just buy... it kind of looks like a sandwich?

- How depressed must first-time visitors to the UK be upon receiving the answer to the question 'How far is it from London Stansted to London?'

- Why did I ever think I'd be able to take luggage on an flight?

- If even one of my fellow passengers think this is acceptable, then what half-breed of degenerate are we inflicting upon foreign cities with these flights... and should we declare this grotesque export to the UN or Nato?

- Why take us through the safety procedure...? I actually WANT to die right now, as long as it happens early in the flight

- Wasn't that passenger limping on a different foot on his way to the toilet?

- Did I miss the bit in the terms and conditions about wearing a tracksuit?

- Is it possible to walk home from Barcelona Girona airport?

- If I wrote a letter of complaint about all this to Ryanair, would customer service burn it, then piss on it, or piss on it and then try lucklessly to burn it?

The only possible use I personally can see for Ryanair is in the occasional transport of convicted war criminals. Give them a choice: You can either spend your remaining days locked up in a military prison outside The Hague; or we'll simply fly you there and back in a day on Ryanair and call it quits.

Frankly I'd not only ask for the life sentence in the military prison, but I'd even say they could rough me up a bit, by way of a tip for letting me duck the flight option.

I should stress, that's just my opinion though and my experience of their service. I'm sure Ryanair is right and it has many happy customers. And I wish them all the very best of luck.

 

[Lady Bracknell]

Superb. Personally I'd rather dine on dogshit - helped down by a Withdean fork - than I would fly the excuse for an "airline" that is Ryanair.

 

[Springal]

I would never ever ever fly Ryanair. Am paying double to fly Easyjet (who I have probably flown with 15 times and never really had a problem) in September. This is from someone that flys quite alot and holds a few status cards for 'proper' airlines.

 

[Rookie]

had the misfortune of flying with Ryanair, a mistake never to be repeated. Now refuse to fly with them and will happily pay more to fly with anybody else

 

[Nibble]

Vaguely amusing. I would imagine this was a short haul flight and frankly you pay for ehat you get. Ryanair is one of the cheapest, despite what people say and you will get no service on them. I wonder when simpletons like the above will realise that No Frills means excatly that. You have a shit flight there, you enjoy your cheap holiday you have a shit flight back. Its how it works and its why its cheap.

 

[beorhthelm]

i simply refuse to bother with Stanstead again. ryanair wasnt too bad (though last i used them was about 5 or 6 years ago), but it took longer and cost more to get the train there from Liverpool St than the flight onto Preswick. We drive up to family now, for about the same total cost and far superior comfort.

 

[Gazwag]

Vaguely amusing. I would imagine this was a short haul flight and frankly you pay for ehat you get. Ryanair is one of the cheapest, despite what people say and you will get no service on them. I wonder when simpletons like the above will realise that No Frills means excatly that. You have a shit flight there, you enjoy your cheap holiday you have a shit flight back. Its how it works and its why its cheap.

Thing is though it may not actually be the cheapest option if you are going on holiday.

We flew to Jersey last year for a long weekend (choice was Easyjet not Ryan Air but there is no real difference) and it worked out about £10 more expensive for 4 of use to fly with BA than Easyjet once you have paid for checkin bags etc.

 

[Nibble]

Thing is though it may not actually be the cheapest option if you are going on holiday.

We flew to Jersey last year for a long weekend (choice was Easyjet not Ryan Air but there is no real difference) and it worked out about £10 more expensive for 4 of use to fly with BA than Easyjet once you have paid for checkin bags etc.

Well do that then

complaining about Ryanair being shite is exactly the same as buying a jumper from Primark and complaining it has fallen to bits in three months.

 

[User removed 4]

Well do that then

complaining about Ryanair being shite is exactly the same as buying a jumper from Primark and complaining it has fallen to bits in three months.

Primani

 

[beardosh]

Rhod Gilbert never liked Ryanair either...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsAwBtcfqKc

Quality sketch!

 

[VeronaSeagull]

He's just pointing out what everyone knows about Ryanair! ANd in all fairness their legroom is identical to easyjets and more than you get on the main charter airlines - Thomas cook being the worst offender.

Yes Ryanair are not going to offer great servce but we know they are, you book knowing this and as long as you are prepared to do things their way then most of the time they will be cheaper. If they offend you that much then fly with any of the other airlines flying to your destination (and genuinely fly to your destination not 50 miles away). I only use Ryanair on work trips to Sicily and honestly have never really had a problem with them, I just relax and accept it.

 

[D'Angelo Saxon]

The thing that gets me most with Ryanair is the fanfare on landing on time at the destination.

 

[Bozza]

I'm in a bit of a conundrum for a holiday later this year to this delightful place.

All of the local-ish airports are served by Ryanair out of Stansted. Despite living in Somerset, Stansted is actually quite practical for us as we have to drop a pet off for their 'holiday' in Essex.

But it's bloody Ryanair. They are not the cheapest - it's about £750 for 3 adults, 1 child and 1 baby once all the luggage, child seats, 'admin' and paying charges are factored in. We could fly BA to Rome for less and they'll give us some food and drink too. But BA is out of Heathrow - meaning our trip would be Somerset -> Essex (incl. half a lap of the M25) -> Heathrow (another half lap of the M25) before we even got near a plane, and the reverse roadtrip when we got back.

And Rome is about 3 hours from the villa, whereas the other airports are a little over an hour. And we'll have a 4 month old baby.

So I'm procrastinating on this horrible decision which will probably mean I'll end up paying even more than what already seems quite expensive.

 

[Pinkie Brown]

Yes Ryanair are not going to offer great servce but we know they are, you book knowing this and as long as you are prepared to do things their way then most of the time they will be cheaper.

Cheaper? Really? This little chart below makes interesting reading.

Value Calculator - Ryanair | Easyjet | British Airways


Yes, it may have been produced by British Airways but the figures speak for themselves. Plenty of people on this forum taken great delight in bashing BA. Some appear to have personal agenda's or simply don't have a grasp of the full facts. The only thing that compares exactly with Ryanair & BA: They're both run by obnoxious Irishmen.

Ryanair are a scummy skanky outfit who treat passengers & staff like dirt. Complete false economy to fly with them. Even more so when the destination they claim to serve is some remote airfield in the middle of nowhere that requires a bus ride that is sometimes longer than the flight itself!

 

[bhaexpress]

I've flown with Ryan Air, it was for work so I didn't pay. Nothing great (short haul, London to Dublin and back). I have flown with far worse, I don't much care for Michael Ryan but I can easily say that Candian Budget Airline Air Transat are really crap. I've flown Delta a few times too and consideriung that they are not a budget airline they are really crap.

 

[Simster]

I'm in a bit of a conundrum for a holiday later this year to this delightful place.

All of the local-ish airports are served by Ryanair out of Stansted. Despite living in Somerset, Stansted is actually quite practical for us as we have to drop a pet off for their 'holiday' in Essex.

But it's bloody Ryanair. They are not the cheapest - it's about £750 for 3 adults, 1 child and 1 baby once all the luggage, child seats, 'admin' and paying charges are factored in. We could fly BA to Rome for less and they'll give us some food and drink too. But BA is out of Heathrow - meaning our trip would be Somerset -> Essex (incl. half a lap of the M25) -> Heathrow (another half lap of the M25) before we even got near a plane, and the reverse roadtrip when we got back.

And Rome is about 3 hours from the villa, whereas the other airports are a little over an hour. And we'll have a 4 month old baby.

So I'm procrastinating on this horrible decision which will probably mean I'll end up paying even more than what already seems quite expensive.

When we went to that very same villa, we flew to Bologna from Gatwick and hammered down the motorway and came inland from Ancona. It only took about 3 hours amd was quite cheap, and I think that was with BA.

 

[bhaexpress]

Primani

Exactly !

 

[The French Mistress]

Life is full of choices...............25 quid to watch footie on a rainy afternoon/evening is not exactly good economics, especially when you're miles from the pitch............no one holds a gun to anyone's head to pay for whatever............you gets what you pay for.....

 

[Mr Burns]

How Sad?!?!?!

Who f***ing wants to sleep on a plane on a stag do!!

If its like the Stag do's I've arranged or been on, the last thing you want to do is fall asleep in the presence of others, whether your the stag or not!

 

[Gwylan]

Cheaper? Really? This little chart below makes interesting reading.

Value Calculator - Ryanair | Easyjet | British Airways


Yes, it may have been produced by British Airways but the figures speak for themselves. Plenty of people on this forum taken great delight in bashing BA. Some appear to have personal agenda's or simply don't have a grasp of the full facts. The only thing that compares exactly with Ryanair & BA: They're both run by obnoxious Irishmen.

Ryanair are a scummy skanky outfit who treat passengers & staff like dirt. Complete false economy to fly with them. Even more so when the destination they claim to serve is some remote airfield in the middle of nowhere that requires a bus ride that is sometimes longer than the flight itself!

I've worked for several companies that had the policy that all its employees making business trips had to take the cheapest option. It didn't matter whether Ryanair was awful to its passengers, if it was the cheapest, that's what we'd be using.

It didn't matter. Over a six or seven year period, I took about 15 to 20 business trips and looked at all the budget airlines. Ryanair was never the cheapest option - and was often the most expensive.

I also looked at Ryanair for holidays and, again, it was never the cheapest.
I don't mind a no-frills airline but I draw the line at an expensive no-frills airline.