Office Buzzwords

[federicoed-up]

"Run rings around our competitors"

Horrible. Just horrible.

 

[SussexHoop]

A friend of a friend decided to have a bit of fun and invent a new one to see how long before others started using it. It was less than a week before 'we need to round this balloon' was being used by more than a few.

 

[Carrot Cruncher]

Ring-fence

Given, as in, "that's a given"

 

[Lord Bracknell]

SEAGULL MANAGER A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

Truly, truly BRILLIANT.

 

[Barrow Boy]

My company uses these ridiculous 'buzz words' to the extreme that you need a dictionary devoted just to this crap to be able to understand what the f*** the twats are talking about. But by far the most annoying and insulting one that my BUL (Business Unit Leader !) uses if you just happen to disagree with the crap he's spouting is "take your victim glasses off", I swear I'm going to deck him one day if he says it to me followed by "well take your rose tinted gasses off and stitch that, twat!"

 

[Lord Bracknell]

A friend of a friend decided to have a bit of fun and invent a new one to see how long before others started using it. It was less than a week before 'we need to round this balloon' was being used by more than a few.

I was particularly proud of "lassoing the kangaroo" which I dreamt up one lunchtime and heard repeated about a fortnight later.

Feel free to use it.

 

[SussexHoop]

I was particularly proud of "lassoing the kangaroo" which I dreamt up one lunchtime and heard repeated about a fortnight later.

Feel free to use it.

 

[Freddie Goodwin.]

We are all heading through the Quality Gateway.

We also have the Hotdesk village, and we've had hubs & spokes.

There's also a Warm handover team (WHOT) and, in case we have trouble keeping up with all these there's a Clarity of writing (COW) to help us.

No longer do we put staff suggestions ina box. Oh no, they go to the Angels & Dragons team.

Well, that's what you get when you take on American consultants!

 

[steward 433]

Office buzzword in my office today has been MY BOSS IS A C**T and i really struggled to hold my temper

 

[NMH]

George Bush is
Clearing
Up &
Neutralizing
Terrorism

 

[Blackadder]

No longer do we put staff suggestions ina box. Oh no, they go to the Angels & Dragons team.

Angels and Dragons? How does that work?

Angels for good ideas and Dragons for bad?

 

[Titanic]

Angels and Dragons? How does that work?

Probably the same way as Pythons and Rattlesnakes.

 

[Moshe Gariani]

Probably the same way as Pythons and Rattlesnakes.

you love this stuff Titanic...

 

[Titanic]

you love this stuff Titanic...

It's amazing just how long some people take to catch on. This stuff is not new... it's been around at least 10 years.

Ref: 'Jack Welch and the G.E. Way: Management Insights and Leadership Secrets of the Legendary CEO' by Robert Slater, ISBN: 0070581045, Publisher: The McGraw-Hill Companies, September 1998.

 

[federicoed-up]

Try and legitimately use 'Spanking the monkey'

"We've got to just keep on spanking the monkey until we hit our targets"

 

[beorhthelm]

STARTER MARRIAGE A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

not sure if this is really funny or really sad that it occurs so much to have a buzzword?

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again. (Try not to dent the case.)

before the days of "switch it on and off" this was the number one maintenence tool. I have resurrected many TV, monitor and HiFi with a strategically placed hit. not known to work on LCD monitors though.

 

[Barrow Boy]

We also have to get as high as we can on the 'Mood Elevator' before ascending the 'Ladder of Accountability' where we hope to find all our 'Ducks flying in a row' so we are all 'Singing from the same songsheet'.


:thud:

 

[Deportivo Seagull]

Anyone else hate the number of American buzzwords coming into the work place?

My particular hate is "Heads Up". Quite often when you advise a colleague of a forthcoming event you get the reply "Thanks for the Heads up!"

THANKS FOR THE WHAT?

I also dislike the "Bigger Picture" and "thinking outside of the box"

Heads Up was being used when I was in the RN back in the early eighties, so was around before the buzz word madness really got going.

Personally I really dislike 'leveraging our core competances' and the excessive use of the word 'utilise'

 

[unnameable]

The word "functionality" makes me want to cry.

 

[Woodchip]

The word "functionality" makes me want to cry.

The word deadline does that to me.