O/T: Serious advice needed, please help!

[scooter1]

If he is a knobhead then she'll be back, if she doesn't come back then it wasn't meant to be..
As people have said above, becoming needy looks terrible.

As for the job - best of luck!!

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

To reiterate do not do the flowers, cuddly toys and cards and love letters. DO NOT come across as needy or weak , be aloof, get on with it. I have made the mistake in my life of doing the needy, flowers stuff and NOTHING makes them run for the Hills quicker than that.

Be hard, it may be difficult but you may be suprised with the results.

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

And if/when she comes back do not immediately fall to her knees and thank her, have a couple of days to think about it. That will drive her mad.

 

[bright1064]

Thanks for the advice US.

Although I may have left it a bit late in the day to play "Hard". We split up nearly a month ago. I haven't done the flowers and treats thing. However we have stayed in pretty much constant contact since we broke up. I haven't forced that, it has just happened. So maybe I've fooked up already!?

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

No you are playing a good game plan. When you speak let her know all the great things you are up to. She may be thinking your life has come to an end. Make it crystal clear it has not.

 

[scooter1]

Thanks for the advice US.

Although I may have left it a bit late in the day to play "Hard". We split up nearly a month ago. I haven't done the flowers and treats thing. However we have stayed in pretty much constant contact since we broke up. I haven't forced that, it has just happened. So maybe I've fooked up already!?

I agree with US.
Just step back a bit from now.
If she texts you, how quickly do you respond? Leave it another 10 mins, half an hour, hour, day - however long, just enough to make her wonder what you're up to. Tell the good things that you're up to without her, but don't bullshit her - she'll see through it. As long as you're genuine she'll see the good in you

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

Mate there is no right answer to this because it depends on what is the real truth, not what she says to you, and the characters involved.

The best is probably somewhere between fighting for her and giving her space. Fight too much and you'll end up a stalker and doing the opposite of what she wants (if its true)... just do what she wants and if its all a smokescreen she'll be gone before you know it.

Personaly best is probably arrange to meet on neutral ground and beforehand tell her you just want to talk though thhings to clear your head. Then when meeting in a non-confrontational, sympathetic manner get her to tell you how she ahs felt about the relationship. I suspect something has pissed her off big time and she is frustrated that you havent worked it out... by talking with her you may find out cos if it remains unsolved then she aint going to stick around. If its done in a friendly warm understanding manner then even if there isnt an issue you can both get something out of it.

However I could be wrong.. I dont know either of you but hope you sort it out and things are for the best.

 

[tip top]

I'm assuming her new shag is in the 'exclusive' group of friends she kept you away from.

Ask yourself if you really want to be with someone who blatantly lied to you and decieved you. I know what my answer would be.

Get your nuts in some other bint, you know it makes sense.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

The fact that you are going to be sitting together at Withers 23 times in the next year is interesting.

From your point of view its quite good I think. Its totally neutral ground - not a 'date' in any way. You're there for the football, so you don't have to struggle with difficult things to talk about. She's no longer your girlfreind and is now simply your 'football buddy'. Keep the relationship strictly on that level for the foreseeable future - you stay closely in touch, as good friends, with clear boundaries. If anything is meant to happen beyond that, then at least you'll have the opportunity for it to do so.

Not sure about Mr Nobhead's position in this though. How does he feel about the football thing. If I were him, I wouldn't be happy, but if he makes an issue out of it he looks the twat.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Maybe he should buy the seat the other side of her. Now, THAT would be interesting.

 

[User removed 4]

2008


Have your say(3)By Claudia Goulder


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cheer up pal. At least you weren't dumped by email...
Welcome to dumpsville. Population, you. Ouch.

That nugget from Homer Simpson still makes me wince. So tragic. So funny. So hideously inappropriate.

The crushing experience of being royally dumped is supposed to be character building and all that but when it actually happens it feels like you've been winded in the stomach and you'll never stand up straight again.

People say "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger," which sounds good at the time because you can pretend that it's all a steep learning curve and that pain is useful in some way.

But in reality, what doesn't kill you feels a lot like it makes you weaker. No?

It's on my mind because if you want to see what "dumped" looks like just cast your eye over any magazine and you'll see it in the guise of a scraggy-haired Welshman.

Yes, Notting Hill actor Rhys Ifans has been personified in the press as the result of a cruel and vicious dumping procedure.

His lolloping walk, hunched over shoulders and ragged torn clothes all scream out "dump victim" if ever we saw one.

He is, I am led to believe, desperate to win his ex-love Sienna Miller back but is risking pushing her away further with endless phone calls.

A situation we all know well; that psychological tug-of-war between heart and head, between telling them you love them and announcing you hate their every cell; that urge to wrap your arms around the perpetrator just so you can shove them away.

Restraint just feels too bland a response with so much rage and passion pumping through your vengeful throbbing veins.

Headlines like "Dumped Rhys Ifans still can't get Sienna Miller off his mind!" "Miller Dumps Ifans by Phone!" and " "Sienna has New Man in New Movie Co-Star!" can't help, of course.

But whatever happens to Rhys - and despite the renowned population of dumpsville - he can console himself with thoughts of others who have been there too.

If anything, he should consider himself lucky. Sienna's so-called "phone dumping" is nothing compared to say, Matt Damon's legendary 1997 appearance on Oprah Winfrey's talkshow, when he announced he was newly single.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Los Angeles, his Good Will Hunting co-star Minnie Driver presumably sat agog. "It's unfortunate that Matt went on Oprah," she later explained. "It seemed like a good forum for him to announce to the world that we were no longer together, which I found fantastically inappropriate."

But no-one is ever just the victim. Rhys has probably broken dozens of girls' hearts, Sienna has definitely had HER heart smashed (remember how she dated Jude Law, even apparently planned to wed him, only to discover he'd been having a fling with the nanny. Eech).

And while I've been stitched up a fair few times I am guilty, too, of some heinous dumping crimes.

Email, voicemail, Royal Mail, you name it, I've used it as a callous and cowardly means to an end.

But, in my view, the most painful endings are the ones that just don't add up.

I dated a guy a few years back. Eccentric isn't the word. He told me he'd never been as happy in his life - ever! (even though he got to see Michael Jackson live at Wembley when he was ten).

Then he dumped me. No explanation. I wrote to him begging for an explanation. He sent a card back on a scrap of paper which looked like he'd picked it out of a rubbish bin.

On it he scrawled messily a very cold and near psychopathic list of my good and bad points.

Good included - from memory - "good taste in music" and "not caring what others think". High praise indeed.

Bad was, er, a tad more lengthy. Points included "a disregard for food" and, the killer one, "a disrespect for public servants".

I didn't know what he meant by that but the only public servant I could think of was my father.

I rang him up and asked if I was, indeed, "disrespectful". He immediately passed the phone across to my mum.

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

The fact that you are going to be sitting together at Withers 23 times in the next year is interesting.

From your point of view its quite good I think. Its totally neutral ground - not a 'date' in any way. You're there for the football, so you don't have to struggle with difficult things to talk about. She's no longer your girlfreind and is now simply your 'football buddy'. Keep the relationship strictly on that level for the foreseeable future - you stay closely in touch, as good friends, with clear boundaries. If anything is meant to happen beyond that, then at least you'll have the opportunity for it to do so.

Not sure about Mr Nobhead's position in this though. How does he feel about the football thing. If I were him, I wouldn't be happy, but if he makes an issue out of it he looks the twat.

After catching up with the story I think thats the best approach.

 

[British Bulldog]

I'm assuming her new shag is in the 'exclusive' group of friends she kept you away from.

Ask yourself if you really want to be with someone who blatantly lied to you and decieved you. I know what my answer would be.

Get your nuts in some other bint, you know it makes sense.

Best advice yet.

 

[bright1064]

Not sure about Mr Nobhead's position in this though. How does he feel about the football thing. If I were him, I wouldn't be happy, but if he makes an issue out of it he looks the twat.

Well like I said earlier, we have been meeting up a few times a week. And apparantly he didn't like it when me and her went out for dinner the other day.
To be honest with you he hasn't got the right to say anything or be annoyed. After all, he has known her for a few seconds, I had been with her for three years. But that said, I'm all for him kicking up a fuss because it shows him up for the nobhead he is!

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Well like I said earlier, we have been meeting up a few times a week. And apparantly he didn't like it when me and her went out for dinner the other day.
To be honest with you he hasn't got the right to say anything or be annoyed. After all, he has known her for a few seconds, I had been with her for three years. But that said, I'm all for him kicking up a fuss because it shows him up for the nobhead he is!

As the new boyfriend, he doesn't give two shits about your 'rights' and nor should you expect him to.

He has every right to not like her going out to dinner with you, as that is very much a 'date scenario'. Frankly it looks like she is playing you both for mugs.

Keep it to the football for now, would be my advice.

[Though having been out of the dating game for 19 years, I'm probably not best placed to give any!]

 

[Barnet Seagull]

Leave her alone, be cold and a bit of a bastard about it all. If she still likes you she'll make the move. If not, there's someone better out there.

 

[Nibble]

Well like I said earlier, we have been meeting up a few times a week. And apparantly he didn't like it when me and her went out for dinner the other day.
To be honest with you he hasn't got the right to say anything or be annoyed. After all, he has known her for a few seconds, I had been with her for three years. But that said, I'm all for him kicking up a fuss because it shows him up for the nobhead he is!

I would be pissed off if I was him. However, she sounds like she is enjoying all this crap. If she is prepared to be seeing two blokes at once I would walk away.

 

[nlf]

Im sorry if this seems a bit harsh but im going to say it as i see it -

I watched my "father" do this to many women when i was younger (he probably still does it to this day) and i can tell you she obviously either has no sence of independance or cant stand being on her own because she is testing the waters with this bloke to see if its going to work out with him and you are simply the back up guy if you let her come back after this she will do it to you again.

I obviously dont know her personally so i could have her all wrong but as soon as i started reading your version of the situation the memories of my "fathers" behaviour started coming back, just sounds too much like what i have seen in the past.

Whatever the outcome i hope its what makes YOU happy, good luck

 

[Icy Gull]

The fact that you are going to be sitting together at Withers 23 times in the next year is interesting.

From your point of view its quite good I think. Its totally neutral ground - not a 'date' in any way. You're there for the football, so you don't have to struggle with difficult things to talk about. She's no longer your girlfreind and is now simply your 'football buddy'. Keep the relationship strictly on that level for the foreseeable future - you stay closely in touch, as good friends, with clear boundaries. If anything is meant to happen beyond that, then at least you'll have the opportunity for it to do so.

.

Fecking disaster looming imo, I'd change my ticket for another location pronto. When she does finally give you the elbow, which it sounds as though she eventually will you are going to be in mental turmoil at every game next season as it seems you are the one who really wants it to work and she seems to be playing you off against Knobhead.

Hardest thing to do is just walk away, but I reckon that's waht you should do, why string the hurt out over a complete football season??

 

[magoo]

If she's seeing someone else while she's meant to be with you the she's obviously a slag.

Get some self respect and some balls and tell her to f*** off before she gives you AIDS!