O/T: Serious advice needed, please help!

[bright1064]

Hello everyone!

I aint been on here for a few weeks due to my personal life going tits up! Within 24 hours I got told I was being made redundant, and that my girlfriend has decided she no longer wants to be with me after three years.

I know NSC can sometimes be a cruel place to air "personal" stories. But I'd like to think there are some people out there who can sympathise, and maybe offer a helping hand?

I'm not really concerned about my work life at the moment, that can wait. The only thing going on in my head is my girlfriend! She says that she wants space and that we have become different people. She has met a new bunch of friends recently, and seems to want to live a new lifestyle with them. But she also says that she misses me, and wants to meet up next week at some point. So I'm not sure what's going on?

I have decided to give her space and time to think about what she wants. But all I really want is her back! I feel like I should be doing something at least to try and show her that I love her.

If anyone can offer advice, I could really do with it right now.

Cheers guys!

 

[The Clown of Pevensey Bay]

Bugger. Can't you go out with her friends as well?

And sorry about the job. But it's more or less what you expect in the radio industry.

 

[bright1064]

Bugger. Can't you go out with her friends as well?

If only! I am friends with all of her long-term friends. But this new "gang" seem a bit exclusive!

Too late for that now anyway.

 

[dougdeep]

A similar thing happened to me 34 years ago, a girl to whom I was engaged suddenly said that she needed space, and wanted to out with her friends more. She said she'd ring me and we could make arrangements to go out again in the future. I'm still awaiting the call.
The morale of this tale is, if you really want her, fight for her.

 

[bright1064]

A similar thing happened to me 34 years ago, a girl to whom I was engaged suddenly said that she needed space, and wanted to out with her friends more. She said she'd ring me and we could make arrangements to go out again in the future. I'm still awaiting the call.
The morale of this tale is, if you really want her, fight for her.

Thanks mate

I don't know how to go about it, because I don't want to scare her off! It's so f***ing difficult!

 

[dougdeep]

Is a suit of armour and a white horse out of the question?

 

[Sergei Gotsmanov]

Give her space and time.....but don't lose touch with her...you can't force her to come back to you...she has got to want to come back....just be the person that she fell for in the first place....you might need to be patient but if it is meant to be she will realise that at some point and she will come back to you...if not then you will just need to move on and use the experience as one of those character building "life events".....good luck dude!

 

[bright1064]

A similar thing happened to me 34 years ago, a girl to whom I was engaged suddenly said that she needed space, and wanted to out with her friends more. She said she'd ring me and we could make arrangements to go out again in the future. I'm still awaiting the call.
The morale of this tale is, if you really want her, fight for her.

Give her space and time.....but don't lose touch with her...you can't force her to come back to you...she has got to want to come back....just be the person that she fell for in the first place....you might need to be patient but if it is meant to be she will realise that at some point and she will come back to you...if not then you will just need to move on and use the experience as one of those character building "life events".....good luck dude!

Both VERY good bits of advice.

But this is part of my problem. They are both completely different! I don't know which path to choose? My heart tells me to fight for her, but then it would wouldn't it!?

 

[Scotty Mac]

watching love actually could be a good start - there are some CLASSIC romantic moments to pick apart and take advice from in it

plus, it stars alan rickman, which is GUARANTEED to make you feel better

 

[Sergei Gotsmanov]

Both VERY good bits of advice.

But this is part of my problem. They are both completely different! I don't know which path to choose? My heart tells me to fight for her, but then it would wouldn't it!?

I'm not saying don't fight for her....just be clever in the way that you fight....you don't have to go on a romance offensive or anything.....be there for her....but dont get walked over.....make sure she knows that you still want her....but dont turn into a stalker.....use this as a chance to let her see a side of you that she may not have seen before.

It would help to know why she thinks you are "different people"....what are the differences?....try to find that out when you meet.....then you will have a better idea of whether she wants things that you don't or can't give.

I suppose this is also a test of how well you really know her....would she want you to fight for her or does she really just want space to clear her head!?

 

[Happy Seagull]

Tell her there's room for you and the new friends in her life. If she disagrees, f*** her best mate

 

[dougdeep]

watching love actually could be a good start - there are some CLASSIC romantic moments to pick apart and take advice from in it

plus, it stars alan rickman, which is GUARANTEED to make you feel better

You old softy.

 

[El Presidente]

It sounds as if she is trying to let you down gently. You can't change her feelings, so don't try, but let her know you are there for her without being a stalker about it.

 

[Box of Frogs]

It sounds as if she is trying to let you down gently. You can't change her feelings, so don't try, but let her know you are there for her without being a stalker about it.

I would agree with this. Give her the space she needs but at the same time, let her know you are still around - the occasional phone call just to see how she is won't hurt but, as already said, don't be a stalker about it. A call every couple of weeks or so, so that she doesn't forget about you but is also not feeling like she is being pestered every few days by you.

They do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Good luck with this and with the job hunting.

 

[Robbie G]

watching love actually could be a good start - there are some CLASSIC romantic moments to pick apart and take advice from in it

plus, it stars alan rickman, which is GUARANTEED to make you feel better

So that's why you can woo the ladies so well then?

And yes, Alan Rickman is awesome

 

[Lady Bracknell]

I hate to add a depressing note here but the words "need some space" is rarely a good sign. It's not at all unusual for people to feel they'd like to have a good think about how a relationship is going but unlike the old saying, distance doesn't necessarily make the heart grow fonder.

I agree with El Pres that it sounds as if you are being let down gently but for all that, if she does want to keep in contact, play it by ear for a bit and keep things friendly. What you shouldn't do - and what will really do your emotions in - is find yourself being the available option when her new friends can't offer anything more exciting to do. That way lies bitterness and stops you moving on.

But you sound like a thoroughly decent bloke so if the worst comes to the worst, I can't imagine you'll have any difficulty finding a new girlfriend when the time is right.

 

[Scotty Mac]

So that's why you can woo the ladies so well then?

And yes, Alan Rickman is awesome

only two ingreidents needed to be a success - love actually and china garden. FACT

 

[Chicken Runner61]

From experience I would let her get on with it and show her you don't need her to survive. Go on holiday, buy a new car, join a gym just get on with it and the hurt will go. Obviously get another job......

I wasted 3 months of my life hoping someone would change their mind. This was after 18 years and three kids so obviously I had a lot to consider/lose but in those three months I nearly went looney tunes. In the end I was brought to my senses when one night to try and find out if there was anyone else I followed her, she saw me and called the police

Nothing actually happened ( the police said I shouldn't have done it but he probably would have done the same) but she made such a big thing of it I came to my senses and from that moment on I got on with my life.

Just get on with your life and then if she wants you back you can decide if you want her and if she doesn't you will have moved on and may meet someone else and not have wasted your life

 

[bristolseagull]

Sounds like she's bonking some one else

 

[Lush]

"Get on with your life" is good advice. Do some of the things she wasn't ever very keen on! Don't call her - she knows where you are. But don't be there at the drop of a hat if she does call - or you'll just get used. And don't try and "fight for her" - however subtly you try and do it you will just look desperate. Needy people are never attractive.