Normal Rob said:
Very sound advice !
Got something to say or just want fewer pesky ads? Join us... 😊
NSC Paternity Classes
- Thread starter Moshe Gariani
- Start date
Very sound advice !
Moshe Gariani
Well-known member
- Mar 10, 2005
- 12,155
- Thread starter
- #22
We've got that book and are going to try following it but lots of people say its impossible to do in practice...? The conclusion I'm reaching is the usual compromise of not trying to control the uncontrollable but at the same time trying to work out what might be helpful and try to do most of it (i.e. blackout curtains, late night bottle (for the baby!), bedtime routine, waking up routine, behavioural differentiation between night and day etc)Hiney said:Routine
Routine
Routine
Buy this book:
'The Contented Litlle Baby Book' by Gina Ford
I know it's not all about what you read in a book but it gives some really useful tips on routines.
Mrs G is very keen on introducing some bottle feeding early doors so that duties can be shared - any experience of pro's and con's ?
Moshe Gariani
Well-known member
- Mar 10, 2005
- 12,155
- Thread starter
- #23
some good tips there...! junior is "extended breech" at the moment so there is a good chance of caesarian for us...tedebear said:Oh ps: during the birth my husband did some really simple things like holding me up by the pony tail in the birthing pool to stop me drowning (don't laugh) and gave me drinks, held my hand , wiped my brow, told me when to push (after 4 days labour I ended up having an epidural) etc. etc. and then after Arthur popped out he went off to Waitrose (we were in Worthing) and bought me a lovely dinner as I'd missed the dinner service at the hospital... absolutely invaluable even though he thinks he did nothing!!
Marshy
Well-known member
Recently had my 2nd son, and as all the other parents say.
It is all about routine, you must stick with it, you will then reap the rewards.
Good luck and enjoy.
It is all about routine, you must stick with it, you will then reap the rewards.
Good luck and enjoy.
Moshe Gariani
Well-known member
- Mar 10, 2005
- 12,155
- Thread starter
- #25
indeed... I have a hulking 20 year old nephew and at times it can seem like not long ago at all that he was crawling around looking for his toy "dactor"!Brovian said:
time does seem to fly... presumably impossible to do - but could help put a bit of perspective on the sleepless nights in the first few weeks...
Moshe Gariani said:
I boobie fed and expressed milk for bottles just so I'd get a few hours kip, and it did work to begin with which was bliss, but then he decided he didnt like bottles so it was back to just boobies instead and hours of watching nightscreen!! Give it a go anyway you never know and at least you get a look in at feeding times!
Obviously you need baby advice first, but everyone has that covered.
Moving on a tiny bit, read to them. And talk to them - all the time. And properly too, in a proper voice. Not 'ah lickle babby, look at the lickle pussy cat, goo goo, etc'.
My wife doesn't drive so each of our kids as babies would spend at least an hour in a buggy being pushed to the shops, or wherever. My wife would talk to them all the time, about anything - trees, birds, cars, people, whatever. We never did baby talk.
Also - Thomas the Tank Engine. From his Thomas books, toys and videos, our oldest had learnt all his numbers and colours very young, and could read by the age of three.
The video camera tip, above is worth thinking about. It doesn't need to be epic films to bore everyone with. We just take 30 second video clips on the digital camera, and they are a great record.
Finally, suck up to your mother-in-law now. If you have either set of grnd-parents nearby, they are to be treasured. It is something you have taken for granted until now, but do not underestimate massive joy, of an meal out or a trip to the cinema with your missus. Having someone you trust available to look after the baby is massively important.
Moving on a tiny bit, read to them. And talk to them - all the time. And properly too, in a proper voice. Not 'ah lickle babby, look at the lickle pussy cat, goo goo, etc'.
My wife doesn't drive so each of our kids as babies would spend at least an hour in a buggy being pushed to the shops, or wherever. My wife would talk to them all the time, about anything - trees, birds, cars, people, whatever. We never did baby talk.
Also - Thomas the Tank Engine. From his Thomas books, toys and videos, our oldest had learnt all his numbers and colours very young, and could read by the age of three.
The video camera tip, above is worth thinking about. It doesn't need to be epic films to bore everyone with. We just take 30 second video clips on the digital camera, and they are a great record.
Finally, suck up to your mother-in-law now. If you have either set of grnd-parents nearby, they are to be treasured. It is something you have taken for granted until now, but do not underestimate massive joy, of an meal out or a trip to the cinema with your missus. Having someone you trust available to look after the baby is massively important.
SULLY COULDNT SHOOT
Loyal2Family+Albion!
Agree with the routine.
We breastfeed only fro 7 months and the dcrossover to bottle was natural..... worked fine and think it's healthier for the baby.
Reccomend 'What to expect in the first year' which makes sure you're ready for everything.
Also DON'T DON'T DON'T ignore your child...... it's been traditional that when babies cry ( and I'm talking post six months here...... don't ever ignore in the first 6 months) when they are alone in their cot you should ignore and they'll learn to put themsaelves to sleep. Conventional opinion now rubbishes this and we totally agree. We started on the path of getting Aleyna to learn but found we had a much happier and much less disagreeable baby if we responded to her rather than ignored her. Everything I've read says ignoring them is a sure fire way of losing your baby's trust...... and it is very very hard to get it back in the future.
maybe that's why we have so many troubslome teenagers in the UK......
The best advive I can give though is that your baby always comes before you. You are an adult and have already had some good times and more will follow. But the way you behave to your child now will decide whether your child will have any good times at all. Which is more important do you think? So...... XBox 360 or play with baby... play with baby..... go to the withdean or put a smile on your daughter's face....... face wins every time..... tho you might try and do both at the same time
We breastfeed only fro 7 months and the dcrossover to bottle was natural..... worked fine and think it's healthier for the baby.
Reccomend 'What to expect in the first year' which makes sure you're ready for everything.
Also DON'T DON'T DON'T ignore your child...... it's been traditional that when babies cry ( and I'm talking post six months here...... don't ever ignore in the first 6 months) when they are alone in their cot you should ignore and they'll learn to put themsaelves to sleep. Conventional opinion now rubbishes this and we totally agree. We started on the path of getting Aleyna to learn but found we had a much happier and much less disagreeable baby if we responded to her rather than ignored her. Everything I've read says ignoring them is a sure fire way of losing your baby's trust...... and it is very very hard to get it back in the future.
maybe that's why we have so many troubslome teenagers in the UK......
The best advive I can give though is that your baby always comes before you. You are an adult and have already had some good times and more will follow. But the way you behave to your child now will decide whether your child will have any good times at all. Which is more important do you think? So...... XBox 360 or play with baby... play with baby..... go to the withdean or put a smile on your daughter's face....... face wins every time..... tho you might try and do both at the same time
sussexfatboy
New member
Routine a waste of time for first few weeks, will just frustrate you if it doesn't work because all they want to do is feed, sleep and shit.
Go with the flow for a while and start introducing routine later - 12 weeks or so.
And congratulations. Parenthood is the best. You will not believe the amount of love you can have for a person.
Go with the flow for a while and start introducing routine later - 12 weeks or so.
And congratulations. Parenthood is the best. You will not believe the amount of love you can have for a person.
Publius Ovidius
Well-known member
A couple of pieces of advice I would give from an old bastard with two lovelly girls:
1. Under no circumstances whatsoever let baby regularily come into bed with you. They are sneaky little buggers and before no time at all, they will yell the house down until you let them come in bed with you.
2. Enjoy every single moment of it. Time is incredibly short in our lifetime and before you know it they are gone to school and you get precious little time to see your kids due to work and stuff. Be there at their first day at play school, be there at their school plays, at their sports days, be there when they are "down" as well as when they are "up"
Finally make sure your parents get to spend time with them. One of the biggest regrets in my life was my father dying at 52, when my two were only toddlers. They hardly remember him now and I think they missed out on part of something that lots of children take for granted...being taken out by grandad!
Most of all...be happy
1. Under no circumstances whatsoever let baby regularily come into bed with you. They are sneaky little buggers and before no time at all, they will yell the house down until you let them come in bed with you.
2. Enjoy every single moment of it. Time is incredibly short in our lifetime and before you know it they are gone to school and you get precious little time to see your kids due to work and stuff. Be there at their first day at play school, be there at their school plays, at their sports days, be there when they are "down" as well as when they are "up"
Finally make sure your parents get to spend time with them. One of the biggest regrets in my life was my father dying at 52, when my two were only toddlers. They hardly remember him now and I think they missed out on part of something that lots of children take for granted...being taken out by grandad!
Most of all...be happy
SULLY COULDNT SHOOT
Loyal2Family+Albion!
sussexfatboy said:
Absolutely right.... forgot the first few weeks where the only clock that was on time was my daughter's
And sorry for not saying... congratulations... the best thing in your life is about to happen... don't begrudge a second!
Oh, and I am deadly serious about this. Do not let the kids play video games, until they are at least five or six, and even then as sparingly as you can get away with. No Xbox, no playstation, no gameboy, no PSP.
I am not joking - these things f*** WITH YOUR CHILDREN'S MINDS.
We had to give in eventually, and our lads have a gameboy SP. It's unfair to deny them what all their freinds have. But we let then use it for a maximum of 20 minutes a day, and only football games, car racing or similar - no war shit. Even after that short time they behave differently for awhile afterwards - all hyped up or aggressive.
People let their kids sit and stare at a four inch screen for hour upon hour, watching little pixelated men kill each other. Genius parenting.
I am not joking - these things f*** WITH YOUR CHILDREN'S MINDS.
We had to give in eventually, and our lads have a gameboy SP. It's unfair to deny them what all their freinds have. But we let then use it for a maximum of 20 minutes a day, and only football games, car racing or similar - no war shit. Even after that short time they behave differently for awhile afterwards - all hyped up or aggressive.
People let their kids sit and stare at a four inch screen for hour upon hour, watching little pixelated men kill each other. Genius parenting.
SULLY COULDNT SHOOT
Loyal2Family+Albion!
Dave the Gaffer said:
Don't agree with you Dave about the bed. We thought it would be the same but it isn't. Babies have serious issues about being alone especially at night. We've found if Aleynma has this problem in the middle fot he night we put hewr between us and she goes right off. Yes, we have 'fun' mornings when she wakes up earlier but she knows we are always there foýr her... and she has never isnisted on starting the night in our bed.
I do feel that people make too much of an issue of this. Most stuff you read today will tell you that small kids quickly outgrow sleeping in a parents bed... when they are ready...... why should we begrudge them it if it makes them more trusting of their parents?
Publius Ovidius
Well-known member
SULLY COULDNT SHOOT said:
fair enough...just an observation on what happened to us that was all...
I bow to your superior knowledge on these things...it was a long time ago
ROSM
Well-known member
As a new father of three weeks - can i start by saying congratulations. It really is the best thing that will happen to you.
My comments are below are my own personal views and not that of an expert, but I would say that 'thinking' has and does change over time (e.g feed on demand v feed to a schedule, sleep on front used to be the norm but now sleep on back is sensible in the light of cot death risks, controlled crying was promoted but now is largely dicredited as a way of reinforcing patterns etc.) so beware of childcare zealots who will brand things you do as 'wrong'. Each child is different, they develop differently and have different needs. Mothers intuition and gut feel are very well honed and will react based on a very strong bond that has been developing over the last 9 months. Trust it.
Our little one was born by emergency c section. Some mothers may feel a failure if this happens and they will need lots of support to realise that this isn't the case. The impact of a c section can not be underestimated (especially if they have been through labour first) - imagine staritng a new job immediately after major abdominal surgery and you are only a small way there.
Also you will be told through NCT and NHS that there are no reasons why women cannot breast feed. Sorry but that is complete hogwash and puts huge pressure on the mother. A more realistic statement would be that breast feeding is the most natural thing in the world and there is plenty of help and support available if there are issues with either the child or mother. However there are many reasons why this may not be fully achieved e.g. due to illness (baby or mother) etc and there are alternatives which do have some benefits. For example expressing is time consuming but it does allow the father to become involved in the feeding and allow the mother some rest.
Dont beat yourself up if your baby requires lots of holding and spends periods of time with you at night. As has been said, routines and habits are very very good but they dont form until at least 6 weeks so in the early stages they are of more benefit to you. We got stressed about this but the midwives and health visitors have been really supportive - some babies sleep well on their own from the off and others dont. It is more about nature as nurture as twins who to all intents and purposes are treated the same can have polar sleep patterns. Many cultures co-sleep with their children for many months without raising a generation that still share the bed at 16 years old so a few hours here and there early on wont cause any lasting damage. The only concerns I can see are if the mother or father smoke, drink, take drugs or suffer from sleep issues (like apnoeia) which can present real risks to the baby.
Most importantly enjoy the positives - the first time your child looks at you and you can tell they can clearly see you, or that they recognise your voice soon after birth. When they start interacting with toys and their surroundings and when they do lie contendedly in their crib (whenever that is). These are truly magic moments!
My comments are below are my own personal views and not that of an expert, but I would say that 'thinking' has and does change over time (e.g feed on demand v feed to a schedule, sleep on front used to be the norm but now sleep on back is sensible in the light of cot death risks, controlled crying was promoted but now is largely dicredited as a way of reinforcing patterns etc.) so beware of childcare zealots who will brand things you do as 'wrong'. Each child is different, they develop differently and have different needs. Mothers intuition and gut feel are very well honed and will react based on a very strong bond that has been developing over the last 9 months. Trust it.
Our little one was born by emergency c section. Some mothers may feel a failure if this happens and they will need lots of support to realise that this isn't the case. The impact of a c section can not be underestimated (especially if they have been through labour first) - imagine staritng a new job immediately after major abdominal surgery and you are only a small way there.
Also you will be told through NCT and NHS that there are no reasons why women cannot breast feed. Sorry but that is complete hogwash and puts huge pressure on the mother. A more realistic statement would be that breast feeding is the most natural thing in the world and there is plenty of help and support available if there are issues with either the child or mother. However there are many reasons why this may not be fully achieved e.g. due to illness (baby or mother) etc and there are alternatives which do have some benefits. For example expressing is time consuming but it does allow the father to become involved in the feeding and allow the mother some rest.
Dont beat yourself up if your baby requires lots of holding and spends periods of time with you at night. As has been said, routines and habits are very very good but they dont form until at least 6 weeks so in the early stages they are of more benefit to you. We got stressed about this but the midwives and health visitors have been really supportive - some babies sleep well on their own from the off and others dont. It is more about nature as nurture as twins who to all intents and purposes are treated the same can have polar sleep patterns. Many cultures co-sleep with their children for many months without raising a generation that still share the bed at 16 years old so a few hours here and there early on wont cause any lasting damage. The only concerns I can see are if the mother or father smoke, drink, take drugs or suffer from sleep issues (like apnoeia) which can present real risks to the baby.
Most importantly enjoy the positives - the first time your child looks at you and you can tell they can clearly see you, or that they recognise your voice soon after birth. When they start interacting with toys and their surroundings and when they do lie contendedly in their crib (whenever that is). These are truly magic moments!
NMH
Banned
tedebear said:Also - I get a bit peeved when people say things like, oh she does what she wants to do (about their 3 month old) HELLLOOOOOOOO you're 30 ish and she's 3 months - who knows better?? ?? Blahhhh....
Oh ps: during the birth my husband did some really simple things like holding me up by the pony tail in the birthing pool to stop me drowning (don't laugh
Blimey, he really did do all the work!
You just sat in the jaccuzzi, listened to him doing all the calculations, slugged a few drinks and then got fed.
Last edited:
Lush
Mods' Pet
Remember that for a happy baby you need a happy mum, so make sure you look after her.
ROSM
Well-known member
Lush said:Remember that for a happy baby you need a happy mum, so make sure you look after her.
is the absolutely top comment on this. babies apparently can be affected by any stress or reactions that you have. A lovely calm mum is a very positive thing for a baby to be around.
also forgot to mention that although you cannot trust everything on t'internet, I have found that www.babycentre.co.uk has been invaluable. It has helped with colic and generally putting my mind at rest on things where people have told us we are 'wrong'.
Last edited:
Dick Knights Mumm
Take me Home Falmer Road
hans kraay fan club said:
Please - no baby talk ................ my sister in law still talks to her son in a baby voice ................................ and he is 32.
Dick Knights Mumm said:
Does she still give him 'Bitty'?