NSC Confessional

[On the Left Wing]

Following my own little trials and tribulations I thought I would open a regular Friday confessional.
So get your rosaries ready and pop in here to confess one thing that you have been holding back for all this time.
No sin is too small nor too great
Hail Marys are ready and waiting for those who want to repent ...

Come on, you know you want to ...

 

[CHAPPERS]

I'm too full of myself.



*WINNER*

 

[Simster]

I confess that the stink from trap 1 was in fact me. And while we're on the subject, could someone please invent the chillie that doesn't sting your arse the following morning?

 

[The Large One]

I can't stand Chappers cos he thinks he is too full of himself.

 

[Napper]

A few years agao after a beer fuelled night i climbed in bed with a family asain student thinking i was a dead cert for some lovin. she freaked out majorly and the next day left the house doing the honurable thing and mentioning nothing to any one about this incident. Been a secret ever since . . .

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure!

Taken from the bible for after dinner speakers, courtesy of Alan Partridge.

 

[On the Left Wing]

You will all receive your personal penances later ...

 

[D'Angelo Saxon]

I am seeing a girl called Carla and a girl called Clara and its getting kinda tricky. Especially when drunk and trying to send text messages...

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

I watched the play-off final in the Font & Firkin

 

[The Large One]

I watched the play-off final in the Font & Firkin

Whaaaat?

 

[On the Left Wing]

I watched the play-off final in the Font & Firkin

I'm so sorry. I had intended to deal out penances later this afternoon, but this confession is so serious I may have to deal with it immediately.

You are forgiven my son.
Now you need to put on your best Albion shirt, don a leather cap and false moustache and attend the next Palace home game, where you will utter the words "hello sailor fancy coming back to mine" at any palace fan you meet.
You must stay at Selhurst Park for the full 90 minutes of the game.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

I'm so sorry. I had intended to deal out penances later this afternoon, but this confession is so serious I may have to deal with it immediately.

You are forgiven my son.
Now you need to put on your best Albion shirt, don a leather cap and false moustache and attend the next Palace home game, where you will utter the words "hello sailor fancy coming back to mine" at any palace fan you meet.
You must stay at Selhurst Park for the full 90 minutes of the game.

Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Parson Henry]

I enjoy living in Croydon!!!

 

[Titanic]

OTLW,

Not being of the Roman Catholic persuasion, this sort of 'confession' is new to me, so please accept my apologies if I get it wrong!

Bless me Brother for I have sinned.

It's been an eternity since my last confession (of this sort).

This is my sin.

I find Croydonbloke, Paulie and 26-10-02 mildly amusing, because they seem to think we care about them, their pathetic little club and their opinions. I seek forgiveness for these uncharitable feelings.

 

[On the Left Wing]

OTLW,

Not being of the Roman Catholic persuasion, this sort of 'confession' is new to me, so please accept my apologies if I get it wrong!

Bless me Brother for I have sinned.

It's been an eternity since my last confession (of this sort).

This is my sin.

I find Croydonbloke, Paulie and 26-10-02 mildly amusing, because they seem to think we care about them, their pathetic little club and their opinions. I seek forgiveness for these uncharitable feelings.

Titanic my son, these are not sins of the real world.
These are natural thoughts of anyone of a right and Godly mind.
Would you like to join our choir?

 

[tedebear]

I just ate the last custard tart even though I know my boss isn't back from his meeting and he hasn't had one yet!!

 

[Meade's Ball]

When i was at school, i told my peers that, on a trip to London, i had boarded the underground and sat on a midget. This was the first of many many lies i told people. Others include:
my brother threw a dart in my head.
i accidentally sewed my fingers together.
i had a badge-making machine.
a kidney disorder kept me out of school for 6 months.
i am an expert sexual swordsman.

 

[On the Left Wing]

When i was at school, i told my peers that, on a trip to London, i had boarded the underground and sat on a midget. This was the first of many many lies i told people. Others include:
my brother threw a dart in my head.
i accidentally sewed my fingers together.
i had a badge-making machine.
a kidney disorder kept me out of school for 6 months.
i am an expert sexual swordsman.

Have you watched "Little Nicky"? ... if you have then you will have some idea of the penance I have in store for you .... if not, I suggest you hire a copy now!!

I am still peeing myself laughing at your confession ...

 

[pasty]

Playing with my next door neighbours airgun when I was about 12, I shot a bird (a feathered one). I meant to just look tough, but to miss the bird, but I missed missing and shot it dead. 27 years later, I still feel guilty.

 

[On the Left Wing]

Playing with my next door neighbours airgun when I was about 12, I shot a bird (a feathered one). I meant to just look tough, but to miss the bird, but I missed missing and shot it dead. 27 years later, I still feel guilty.

I did the same when I was 16. Went shooting wood pigeons with an airgun, to look hard. But I shot a dove by mistake. First and only time I have ever killed a living creature deliberately.

I will flagalate myself tonight and suggest your penance is the same .... if you need help or advice, ask Easy 10.