Leaving Your Wife

[Frutos]

It always amazes me that couples stay together for years, decades, a lifetime even. Human beings need new stimulation both physically and mentally to stay 'alive' inside.

My Nan and Grandad had been married for 59 and a half years when my Nan passed, and they had known each other since their very early childhood (my Nan was 82 when she died) due to their parents having been friends.

It was the only relationship either of them ever had, and they always seemed happy enough to me.

 

[Giraffe]

Try and get them to go to Relate, as others have said.

If this has been going on for that long, they probably don't really know what they're arguing about!

The people at Relate are brilliant.

Agreed.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

In my experience - he'll have 2 years of hell but feel much better at the end of it. Both of them have got to go to Relate and be totally totally honest.

Practical tips:

• go to the gym. Keeps the body active and helps stop depression
• Take up a new hobby. I started going regularly to the Albion again
• Spend time with the children separately
• Avoid the blame game (esp. in front of children)
• Don't move out until you're ready and you are sure that the place you are moving into is okay (and big enough)
• Get your finances sorted and expect to spend a lot of money over the next 6 months on going out, solicitors, mediation
• Make sure you know who your friends are - the ones you can phone at 3 in the morning when you feel like you can't take anymore
• Expect to lose some friends and find some very good friends in unexpected circumstances
• If you can, tell work. They will be much more sympathetic to your plight
• Try and take a quiet holiday with a mate or brother.

As for you as his friend - be empathetic rsther than sympathetic. He needs to know when he's being a dickhead and when he's being unreasonable. And tell him that you're there for him whatever and whenever. Don't assume he'll know that.

and I really mean this - hope that helps.

Many wise words there Buzzer. All of it, in fact, apart from 'go to Relate' IMHO. If it's broke, they can't fix it. In the end, most marriages break up nowadays in this neck of the woods. Them's the rules. Very little of that 'Til Death Us do Part' stuff means jack shit anymore.

 

[Buzzer]

Agree, THPP but one thing Relate did let me do was tell the ex exactly what I thought of her, calmly and rationally an without losing my temper - and she had to listen to it. It'd not just about trying to keep couples together but also getting things off your chest in a neutral environment.

I'm ever the optimist, though, and think that if (bloody big if) I ever get married again then it'll be for the est of my natural.

 

[Freddie Goodwin.]

I was dreding my kids growing up & leaving home, what would we talk about?

It actually turned out quite good for a while, we got out & about and did things together, but then the kids started to come back and we have 2 (adults) living with us.

Can't say too much here (as some family use this site) but it's not easy trying to rely on the Albion to provide the fun in your life!

 

[Dick Knights Mumm]

We were at a dinner party once - and this woman was describing her relationship with her husband ............. "inertia is a very powerful force" .............

 

[Dick Knights Mumm]

.................. but it's not easy trying to rely on the Albion to provide the fun in your life!

........... that I can imagine ...............

 

[jevs]

In my experience - he'll have 2 years of hell but feel much better at the end of it. Both of them have got to go to Relate and be totally totally honest.

Practical tips:

• go to the gym. Keeps the body active and helps stop depression
• Take up a new hobby. I started going regularly to the Albion again
• Spend time with the children separately
• Avoid the blame game (esp. in front of children)
• Don't move out until you're ready and you are sure that the place you are moving into is okay (and big enough)
• Get your finances sorted and expect to spend a lot of money over the next 6 months on going out, solicitors, mediation
• Make sure you know who your friends are - the ones you can phone at 3 in the morning when you feel like you can't take anymore
• Expect to lose some friends and find some very good friends in unexpected circumstances
• If you can, tell work. They will be much more sympathetic to your plight
• Try and take a quiet holiday with a mate or brother.

As for you as his friend - be empathetic rsther than sympathetic. He needs to know when he's being a dickhead and when he's being unreasonable. And tell him that you're there for him whatever and whenever. Don't assume he'll know that.

and I really mean this - hope that helps.

That is spot on advice.

I luckily didn't have kids when i split with my first wife but it took 2 years to get over it. My family and my mates were the biggest rocks ever....dragging my pals out at 10pm on a sunday for a beer etc or down the gym 3 times a week.

Your mate needs to be organised and focussed and he will needs lots of things to take his mind off things.

When we split some 14 years ago (i was 27), i couldn't see my way past the next day. But the old saying "time is a great healer" is very true and a few months after i met my (present) wife and we have a beautiful 9 year old daughter.

Good luck to your friend...i really hope it works out for him.

 

[Yorkie]

Many wise words there Buzzer. All of it, in fact, apart from 'go to Relate' IMHO. If it's broke, they can't fix it. In the end, most marriages break up nowadays in this neck of the woods. Them's the rules. Very little of that 'Til Death Us do Part' stuff means jack shit anymore.

What a prejudiced view of life!! Sorry, Tom but it is.

 

[Tight shorts]

On a serious note, I do think the teenage years can have a negative effect on a relationship. You are in "no mans land". The kids no longer need you and often have no desire to spend any time with you.

In theory you should be off doing all the things you ever wanted to do, but you can't really go away for weekends because the teenage kids either don't want to come or have Saturday jobs. You can't yet leave them for fear of parties/drugs/burning the house down - or probably all 3.

Teenage kids don't go to bed earlier than you, so you rarely get time together in the evenings for a bit of "romance", so things can be difficult relationship wide.

Add to the mix, the stresses of watching your teenagers mess up their lives, its not pretty.

A good crisis helps bring people together but I would think trying to offload kids on to grandparents and having a weekend away might be worth a try.

 

[severnside gull]

In my experience - he'll have 2 years of hell but feel much better at the end of it. Both of them have got to go to Relate and be totally totally honest.

Practical tips:

• go to the gym. Keeps the body active and helps stop depression
• Take up a new hobby. I started going regularly to the Albion again
• Spend time with the children separately
• Avoid the blame game (esp. in front of children)
• Don't move out until you're ready and you are sure that the place you are moving into is okay (and big enough)
• Get your finances sorted and expect to spend a lot of money over the next 6 months on going out, solicitors, mediation
• Make sure you know who your friends are - the ones you can phone at 3 in the morning when you feel like you can't take anymore
• Expect to lose some friends and find some very good friends in unexpected circumstances
• If you can, tell work. They will be much more sympathetic to your plight
• Try and take a quiet holiday with a mate or brother.

As for you as his friend - be empathetic rsther than sympathetic. He needs to know when he's being a dickhead and when he's being unreasonable. And tell him that you're there for him whatever and whenever. Don't assume he'll know that.

and I really mean this - hope that helps.

have you ever thought of writing the definitive book on marriage break ups - this echoes a lot of my experience except I got much of it wrong. Hope this guy follows excellant advice

 

[dougdeep]

All these tips are ok if you actually talk to each other.

 

[JSD Albion]

Hornblower, check your private messages

 

[Buzzer]

have you ever thought of writing the definitive book on marriage break ups - this echoes a lot of my experience except I got much of it wrong. Hope this guy follows excellant advice

Write a book on marriage break ups? God forbid! All this advice is (in the words of Baz Luhrman) just my own experience. I, too, learnt it all the hard way and got lots wrong. Sounds like there's a fair few of us out there but the good news is that we all survived it and are all in a much better place now.

 

[severnside gull]

All these tips are ok if you actually talk to each other.

if they did that they probably wouldnt need the tips but you never learn that until its way too late

 

[severnside gull]

......................in fact usually the day the solicitors bill lands on the mat

 

[tedebear]

It always amazes me that couples stay together for years, decades, a lifetime even. Human beings need new stimulation both physically and mentally to stay 'alive' inside.

What a strange view point! I plan to be with my other half for the rest of my life - however long that is...

Its the doing things with HIM, that makes it enjoyable, racing, restoring, prepping old cars together. Not anyone else - if we need a pep up we do something different - not go and find someone else different to do something with...

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

What a strange view point! I plan to be with my other half for the rest of my life - however long that is...

Its the doing things with HIM, that makes it enjoyable, racing, restoring, prepping old cars together. Not anyone else - if we need a pep up we do something different - not go and find someone else different to do something with...

errr, that's not what Zef was telling me in bed the other night.


Oops!

 

[Freddie Goodwin.]

Just slip out the back, Jack....

 

[Questions]

The trick is to make an effort. Twice a week you need to put on your gladrags and go out, have a few drinks and generally just let your hair down.
She goes out on a monday and I go out on the friday.