I've been accused of having an affair

[tedebear]

I'm putting some of it down to her self confidence - since she has had our son she has worried about her weight, she has lost two stone and in my opinion looks as good as ever - certainley no different to when we met.

I've been really suppotive about this changing how we eat etc and encouraging her - as you can imagine this issue with many women can be a minefield.

Ever since though she has become convinced i perv over other women - ok i may look but who doesn't but definitely not when she is not around not even a sneeky glance knowing how she feels about this.

I'm pretty positive i have not given her any reason to think i am up to no good - Which i am definitely not. Now i will be worrying about what i say etc in case i mention any particular females name to often.

I'll just tread carefully and see how it goes.

Ok - todays honesty moment from me....

Having Arthur has been the best and worst thing I've ever done!!

The biggest issue is as you've spotted self confidence, I'm also about 2 stone heavier than I was before I had him, I don't fit into any of my work suits, I don't really like going out anymore as I don't think I look good, and following what may seem a big leap to you men, my brain then tells me that since I'm not as good looking or fanciable as I was, that obviously Zef will start to look elsewhere!! May sound weird to you blokes - but thats the way my brain often thinks!! So I can see what she's saying GG...

Yeah I'd love to get my arse into gear and do something about it, but its F***ING hard!! I'm tired, I clean pooey bums all day, I have crusty food all over my clothes, Arthur needs naps and the washing needs to be done, and one excuse follows another and another day passes, and so on...So I just keep looking at all my small size clothes and hope that i can get myself going soon...before Zef leaves me as I'm a lazy, fat arsed mess!!

So there you go...have a chuckle at my expense if you want but its a vicious circle...and its not nice to be stuck in....

 

[tedebear]

I dont get all this not being able to look at other women mullarky!

Because it makes us feel shit and worthless, especially when we don't feel good about ourselves in the first place....Why would you look elsewhere when we are right in front of you....Thats the reason - mightn't make sense to you but thats it from a female perspective!

 

[HampshireSeagulls]

Ok - todays honesty moment from me....

Having Arthur has been the best and worst thing I've ever done!!

The biggest issue is as you've spotted self confidence, I'm also about 2 stone heavier than I was before I had him, I don't fit into any of my work suits, I don't really like going out anymore as I don't think I look good, and following what may seem a big leap to you men, my brain then tells me that since I'm not as good looking or fanciable as I was, that obviously Zef will start to look elsewhere!! May sound weird to you blokes - but thats the way my brain often thinks!! So I can see what she's saying GG...

Yeah I'd love to get my arse into gear and do something about it, but its F***ING hard!! I'm tired, I clean pooey bums all day, I have crusty food all over my clothes, Arthur needs naps and the washing needs to be done, and one excuse follows another and another day passes, and so on...So I just keep looking at all my small size clothes and hope that i can get myself going soon...before Zef leaves me as I'm a lazy, fat arsed mess!!

So there you go...have a chuckle at my expense if you want but its a vicious circle...and its not nice to be stuck in....

Ah, but if you are a "lazy fat-arsed mess" than sucks like a Dyson on overdrive, you should be fine......

 

[British Bulldog]

Because it makes us feel shit and worthless, especially when we don't feel good about ourselves in the first place....Why would you look elsewhere when we are right in front of you....Thats the reason - mightn't make sense to you but thats it from a female perspective!

So when you get in a relationship thats it then, your never allowed to look at a person of the opposite sex? Thats rubbish!

 

[tedebear]

So when you get in a relationship thats it then, your never allowed to look at a person of the opposite sex? Thats rubbish!

No, not at all - I was just explaining why it pisses us off. It'd be a different story if I had bags of confidence and was happy with myself as I know he'd be coming home to me...but the thought of losing him to some one more attractive is a heartbreaker!!

 

[Barnet Seagull]

Ah, but if you are a "lazy fat-arsed mess" than sucks like a Dyson on overdrive, you should be fine......

That Sir, is a very good call.

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

I'm putting some of it down to her self confidence - since she has had our son she has worried about her weight, she has lost two stone and in my opinion looks as good as ever - certainley no different to when we met.

I've been really suppotive about this changing how we eat etc and encouraging her - as you can imagine this issue with many women can be a minefield.

Ever since though she has become convinced i perv over other women - ok i may look but who doesn't but definitely not when she is not around not even a sneeky glance knowing how she feels about this.

I'm pretty positive i have not given her any reason to think i am up to no good - Which i am definitely not. Now i will be worrying about what i say etc in case i mention any particular females name to often.

I'll just tread carefully and see how it goes.

You'd better hope she never finds out you've put the whole story up here or your arse really will be grass!!!!

Really tough my wife and I have a seven month old baby and she occasionally gets really depresssed (wife not baby) and nervous because she can't lose weight.... she can't get enough sleep... there's another person to worry about... she's married to an arsehole (ooops)...... I thýnk it best that you don't analyse too deeply.... if you are committed then it's better to be happy now than join in with the paranoia and make the whole thing worse.

Oh my god... I sound like a shitty marriage counsellor!!!!

 

[tedebear]

Ah, but if you are a "lazy fat-arsed mess" than sucks like a Dyson on overdrive, you should be fine......

ah yes - but when you feel like an old bag, stripping off and doing some horizontal running in bed seems the furthest thing from my mind, sleep is a premium!

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

Ok - todays honesty moment from me....

Having Arthur has been the best and worst thing I've ever done!!

The biggest issue is as you've spotted self confidence, I'm also about 2 stone heavier than I was before I had him, I don't fit into any of my work suits, I don't really like going out anymore as I don't think I look good, and following what may seem a big leap to you men, my brain then tells me that since I'm not as good looking or fanciable as I was, that obviously Zef will start to look elsewhere!! May sound weird to you blokes - but thats the way my brain often thinks!! So I can see what she's saying GG...

Yeah I'd love to get my arse into gear and do something about it, but its F***ING hard!! I'm tired, I clean pooey bums all day, I have crusty food all over my clothes, Arthur needs naps and the washing needs to be done, and one excuse follows another and another day passes, and so on...So I just keep looking at all my small size clothes and hope that i can get myself going soon...before Zef leaves me as I'm a lazy, fat arsed mess!!

So there you go...have a chuckle at my expense if you want but its a vicious circle...and its not nice to be stuck in....

My wife can relate to that!!! We men really don't undersatnd this properly until we live with a partner going through it.

FACT - Most women DO NOT give birth, magically lose weight and go straight back out on the dancefloor. Having a baby means we all have to change our lives.


oh-oh now parent-counsellor?!?

 

[Goring Gull]

You'd better hope she never finds out you've put the whole story up here or your arse really will be grass!!!!

Really tough my wife and I have a seven month old baby and she occasionally gets really depresssed (wife not baby) and nervous because she can't lose weight.... she can't get enough sleep... there's another person to worry about... she's married to an arsehole (ooops)...... I thýnk it best that you don't analyse too deeply.... if you are committed then it's better to be happy now than join in with the paranoia and make the whole thing worse.

Oh my god... I sound like a shitty marriage counsellor!!!!

I think that's half the trouble i don't tend to worry much about anything.

 

[Moshe Gariani]

Really tough my wife and I have a seven month old baby and she occasionally gets really depresssed (wife not baby) and nervous because she can't lose weight.... she can't get enough sleep... there's another person to worry about... she's married to an arsehole (ooops)...... I think it best that you don't analyse too deeply.... if you are committed then it's better to be happy now than join in with the paranoia and make the whole thing worse.

I have all of the above to look forward to next year (fingers crossed)... best advice I ever had was just to accept it all as inevitable and get on with it - the grass is NOT greener on the other side

 

[captainmorganrum]

Really tough my wife and I have a seven month old baby and she occasionally gets really depresssed (wife not baby) and nervous because she can't lose weight.... she can't get enough sleep... there's another person to worry about... she's married to an arsehole (ooops)...... I thýnk it best that you don't analyse too deeply.... if you are committed then it's better to be happy now than join in with the paranoia and make the whole thing worse.

Oh my god... I sound like a shitty marriage counsellor!!!!

Yep, same situation with me and my missus and our 3½ month old little lad.
I've not been as sensitive and helpful as I could have been recently.
Giving birth (hard enough as that is) is just the start.
Wise up fellas!

 

[British Bulldog]

No, not at all - I was just explaining why it pisses us off. It'd be a different story if I had bags of confidence and was happy with myself as I know he'd be coming home to me...but the thought of losing him to some one more attractive is a heartbreaker!!

I can see your point on self confidence but it's all down to trust really. The fear of losing a partner to someone else is a fine line to tread between wanting reassurance and driving your partner away by showing a lack of trust. One of the reasons me & mrs bulldog divorced was her obsession with the thought that i was having an affair, We're back living together now but if things went down that line again I would walk away.

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

I have all of the above to look forward to next year (fingers crossed)... best advice I ever had was just to accept it all as inevitable and get on with it - the grass is NOT greener on the other side

OH YES IT IS!!!!!! The grass is much greener on the other side..... I've got the most amzing duaghter and I can't think of anything greener than that!!!

At least it's greener until she's about 8 or 9 and starts questioning daddy. I've started early with the braýnwashing. Whenever we are out and she's in her buggy I keep repeating to her.... ' Now remember, Daddy knows best and you won't go out with anyone unless you get Daddy's permission'... can only hope it works.......

 

[Goring Gull]

I can see your point on self confidence but it's all down to trust really. The fear of losing a partner to someone else is a fine line to tread between wanting reassurance and driving your partner away by showing a lack of trust. One of the reasons me & mrs bulldog divorced was her obsession with the thought that i was having an affair, We're back living together now but if things went down that line again I would walk away.

It's all good fun! part of life i suppose just have to muddle through - only time it does my head in is if she keeps going on about her weight - That is when i can become tetchy - Don't ask, as whatever i say is wrong or a lie in her eyes.

She is feeling bad aswell because we are teaching Him to swim but she won't go swimming but is fed up with herself for not wanting to go swimming and missing out on him learning.

 

[tedebear]

I can see your point on self confidence but it's all down to trust really. The fear of losing a partner to someone else is a fine line to tread between wanting reassurance and driving your partner away by showing a lack of trust. One of the reasons me & mrs bulldog divorced was her obsession with the thought that i was having an affair, We're back living together now but if things went down that line again I would walk away.

Is her obsession based on a lack of self confidence maybe?

 

[British Bulldog]

Is her obsession based on a lack of self confidence maybe?

An obsession based on hypocricy I think, she allways advocated there is nothing wrong with a man & woman being good friends until I struck up good friendships with a couple of women then it was wrong.

 

[Moshe Gariani]

OH YES IT IS!!!!!! The grass is much greener on the other side..... I've got the most amazing daughter and I can't think of anything greener than that!!!

eh? I'm sure your daughter is indeed perfect - but sorry to report your patch is just the standard shade of verdancy as far as I'm concerned...

 

[tedebear]

An obsession based on hypocricy I think, she allways advocated there is nothing wrong with a man & woman being good friends until I struck up good friendships with a couple of women then it was wrong.

Yeah but thats jealousy probably fueled by lack of confidence? Not hypocrisy..in my opinion!

 

[Lush]

It does sound like a self-confidence thing and a little reasurance about how much you love her can go a long way. GG if memory serves aren't you the couple planning - or at least she is - the huge wedding?

Rightly or wrongly (and personally I think it's a shame when wedding days take over lives), it's probably very very important to her. Perhaps she's just making sure that you're 100% committed before the big day. Or worried that she won't fit into her dress.