[Misc] It doesn’t really matter, does it?

[doogie004]

I wish you all the best sometimes there are no words you just gotta keep going


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[Pogue Mahone]

Bloody Hell...I have not seen this thread before, but have just read through it. I am feeling quite emotional.

It's a harrowing read at times, but life affirming too. Most of all, I am left with an enormously positive impression of [MENTION=33649]darkwolf666[/MENTION]. You have been through so much, but have been asolutely incredible throughout.

As others have said, I would advise you to speak to someone, at Macmillan or wherever, to get the support you need. You may not feel you want to do that, but in my experience it is vital in the long run - and it is so important that you look after yourself as much as you can, release the pressure valve a little.

All the best, fella, and I hope that things cam improve for you all in the New Year.

 

[darkwolf666]

Bloody Hell...I have not seen this thread before, but have just read through it. I am feeling quite emotional.

It's a harrowing read at times, but life affirming too. Most of all, I am left with an enormously positive impression of [MENTION=33649]darkwolf666[/MENTION]. You have been through so much, but have been asolutely incredible throughout.

As others have said, I would advise you to speak to someone, at Macmillan or wherever, to get the support you need. You may not feel you want to do that, but in my experience it is vital in the long run - and it is so important that you look after yourself as much as you can, release the pressure valve a little.

All the best, fella, and I hope that things cam improve for you all in the New Year.

Thank you. I appreciate all the comments people have made, it really does help!

I know the general advice appears to be to talk to someone, at the moment I am not sure I am ready for that, but talking here, virtually, helps me - I guess it is easier to talk to anonymous ethernet based friends, then it is to actually talk to a "human" being.

Once the dust has settled on this I will talk to someone, and probably take up HWT on his offer of a coffee or beer (beer obviously)!

 

[portlock seagull]

Bloody hell, I’m feeling for you and your wife tonight DW. Really am. Slightly lost as to what to say other than where there’s life there’s hope - even when things look blackest. You will both learn to cope better as others say, but you’re in that deep shock stage and naturally frightened and anticipating the very worst. That’s how our brains and bodies work to understand things though, you’re preparing yourselves and it’s like an an airplane emergency landing I guess akin to brace brace brace. But did you know, most people actually survive airplane crashes? We only hear about the really bad ones. I’m not sure where I’m going with that if I’m honest and it’s of little comfort I know - but you mustn’t give up hope. Hear me? Whether you’ve 5 years, 10 years or many more together, all I know is - truthfully - this: my dear old Uncle was diagnosed aged 67 with Non HL and became seriously seriously ill. I remember visiting him during his chemo in hospital and things were not at all good....but he’ll be 92 this July and still mows his (half an acre!) lawn himself. So deep breaths, be strong, have courage. Keep talking, keep writing, it’s a known cathartic release for many during times of extreme stress like you’re experiencing. As I’ve read there are scores of people rooting for you both already, and you can add another to Team DW666. Keep us posted. Thoughts with you and your family tonight.

 

[darkwolf666]

Bloody hell, I’m feeling for you and your wife tonight DW. Really am. Slightly lost as to what to say other than where there’s life there’s hope - even when things look blackest. You will both learn to cope better as others say, but you’re in that deep shock stage and naturally frightened and anticipating the very worst. That’s how our brains and bodies work to understand things though, you’re preparing yourselves and it’s like an an airplane emergency landing I guess akin to brace brace brace. But did you know, most people actually survive airplane crashes? We only hear about the really bad ones. I’m not sure where I’m going with that if I’m honest and it’s of little comfort I know - but you mustn’t give up hope. Hear me? Whether you’ve 5 years, 10 years or many more together, all I know is - truthfully - this: my dear old Uncle was diagnosed aged 67 with Non HL and became seriously seriously ill. I remember visiting him during his chemo in hospital and things were not at all good....but he’ll be 92 this July and still mows his (half an acre!) lawn himself. So deep breaths, be strong, have courage. Keep talking, keep writing, it’s a known cathartic release for many during times of extreme stress like you’re experiencing. As I’ve read there are scores of people rooting for you both already, and you can add another to Team DW666. Keep us posted. Thoughts with you and your family tonight.

Thank you

I so appreciate people’s kind words, even if they get a little lost with their analogies...

 

[darkwolf666]

Sitting holding my wife's hand, as she has started her chemotherapy today, after several false starts as they couldn't get a canula in as her veins had shrunk due to stress!

Fantastic staff have made the first steps on this path bearable...

 

[MattBackHome]

I managed somehow to miss this completely throughout December.
[MENTION=33649]darkwolf666[/MENTION] you are truly, truly inspirational.

Wishing you and yours all the very best. I'll donate after payday

 

[darkwolf666]

I managed somehow to miss this completely throughout December.
[MENTION=33649]darkwolf666[/MENTION] you are truly, truly inspirational.

Wishing you and yours all the very best. I'll donate after payday

Thank you for your kind words...

If no-one minds, and as a double pronged approach, I will add the link here too...

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/darkwolf666

 

[Lever]

Thank you for your kind words...

If no-one minds, and as a double pronged approach, I will add the link here too...

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/darkwolf666

I have made a modest contribution (according to my means) and sincerely wish you success in meeting your target.
Your posts are graphic and poignant; that takes courage. I am sure you have helped others through your comments; may you all find some happiness in future challenging weeks.

 

[darkwolf666]

I have made a modest contribution (according to my means) and sincerely wish you success in meeting your target.
Your posts are graphic and poignant; that takes courage. I am sure you have helped others through your comments; may you all find some happiness in future challenging weeks.

Thank you most sincerely. I don't want anyone to feel obliged, I don't want to be a can rattler, so am just happy to receive any donations, gratefully.

 

[Wardy's twin]

I assume they completed a pet scan to give that diagnosis. Sorry to hear that but don't give up hope as there is new technology arriving all the time. My wife is about to undertake a process called CAR-T in which her blood T-cells have been extracted and genetically modified to turn them into cancer hunting cells. The technology is very new and she will be the first NHS patient to have it at the Marsden. So scary but I have to remain optimistic and positive

 

[darkwolf666]

I assume they completed a pet scan to give that diagnosis. Sorry to hear that but don't give up hope as there is new technology arriving all the time. My wife is about to undertake a process called CAR-T in which her blood T-cells have been extracted and genetically modified to turn them into cancer hunting cells. The technology is very new and she will be the first NHS patient to have it at the Marsden. So scary but I have to remain optimistic and positive

Thank you once again for your reply.

Yes she did have a PET scan, which also identified the cancer had reached the bone marrow. The consultant is confident the chemotherapy she is being offered will "cure" the current problem, it is the re-occurence that is the biggest concern!

The Marsden are fantastic, with some truly brilliant staff, I hope your wife benefits from their expertise.

 

[darkwolf666]

Feeling like a prize see you next Tuesday.

It's my 60th birthday today, my wife is wiped out from the chemotherapy and is asleep on the sofa, our 3 year old has joined her and is asleep too.

Me, I'm ironing and sorting out the washing, while generally feeling sorry for myself. I know I shouldn't, but just can't help it, this is now what my life has become...

 

[LamieRobertson]

Feeling like a prize see you next Tuesday.

It's my 60th birthday today, my wife is wiped out from the chemotherapy and is asleep on the sofa, our 3 year old has joined her and is asleep too.

Me, I'm ironing and sorting out the washing, while generally feeling sorry for myself. I know I shouldn't, but just can't help it, this is now what my life has become...

A moment in time ...make sure you sort out the creases

 

[darkwolf666]

A moment in time ...make sure you sort out the creases

Thank you, made me smile and snapped me out of my sad state...

 

[darkwolf666]

I have been quite vocal on the Election thread and chucked my two pence worth into the Brexit thread, over the last couple of days, but ultimately what does it all matter...

I have taken my wife to hospital today, as she is suffering from the early stages of lymphoma. We were both shocked when they insisted she stay in, at least until the middle of next week, for tests, etc.

After leaving my wife (and me) in tears, I have come home to my little boy, who thanks to family, has been well looked after - once he was settled in bed and after several text messages to my wife I thought I could have 10 minutes to myself - then the phone rings... it’s my sister, who NEVER rings me (we message or talk in person).

My mum, who has been suffering from the early onset of dementia for a while has been hospitalised. Worse, she has stopped breathing. They have managed to resuscitate, but don’t think they should if she has another event...

Shit, life hangs by a thread and all people can do is moan about politics (guilty)... life and family are so so much more important then all this other shit. Live your lives, have your own opinions, but just remember - it doesn’t really matter, does it?

Going back to my first post on this subject. Much of my focus has been on my wife's cancer diagnosis, consequently my mum got a little lost in the various posts.

Mum passed away at the end of January and was laid to rest in a beautiful service yesterday, expertly organised by my more organised siblings, they even managed to get the sun to shine for a couple of hours!

To them a big thank you, and to mum a sincere rest in peace - love you x

 

[B-right-on]

Going back to my first post on this subject. Much of my focus has been on my wife's cancer diagnosis, consequently my mum got a little lost in the various posts.

Mum passed away at the end of January and was laid to rest in a beautiful service yesterday, expertly organised by my more organised siblings, they even managed to get the sun to shine for a couple of hours!

To them a big thank you, and to mum a sincere rest in peace - love you x

Sorry for your loss.

Times like this puts life in perspective and how it's important to take the highs as the lows can be really tough.

 

[darkwolf666]

Sorry for your loss.

Times like this puts life in perspective and how it's important to take the highs as the lows can be really tough.

So true, it was a phenomenal service, which only served to make me further realise what a fantastic lady my mum was, who was do cruelly robbed of the later years of her life by dementia...

 

[Icy Gull]

So true, it was a phenomenal service, which only served to make me further realise what a fantastic lady my mum was, who was do cruelly robbed of the later years of her life by dementia...

My condolences, you really going through the mill at the moment. My Mum died just over a year ago and she too suffered from dementia at the end. She herself was happy enough, although much changed in personality. However I feel we suffered more than she did as she wasn’t really aware what had happened to her, we however felt like we’d lost her for quite a long time before she died

Strangely this made me feel better about it, she would have been mortified with what happened to her from the person she was. Sorry if that sounds a bit weird, which it might.

 

[Hastings gull]

My condolences, you really going through the mill at the moment. My Mum died just over a year ago and she too suffered from dementia at the end. She herself was happy enough, although much changed in personality. However I feel we suffered more than she did as she wasn’t really aware what had happened to her, we however felt like we’d lost her for quite a long time before she died

Strangely this made me feel better about it, she would have been mortified with what happened to her from the person she was. Sorry if that sounds a bit weird, which it might.

My wife and I are living with my mum's Alzheimers, and no, this doesn't seem weird at all. It is so sad to see my mum, who was an intelligent woman, come in and ask what day it is. She has a present memory span of about 5 minutes and yes, it does seem that we too have lost her. S he is aware of who we are, but it can be so frustrating living with her -she has a granny annexe and is still capable of independent living, but needs constant watching.