Is Magoo worse than Tinselhead ?

[Ernest]

At this stage with Tinselhead we had 1 win and 1 draw, with Magoo we have 1 draw.
With Tinselhead we beat Division 3/League 2 Exeter 2-1 in the League Cup with the Magoo we have just lost to Div3/League 2 Bristol Rovers in the League Cup.
So the facts don't lie, it is official Magoo is worse than Tinselhead and when will Dick Tight wake up and sack the lardy Jocko and get a decent manager in or even give Tinselhead another go ?

 

[Easy 10]

** WASP UPDATE **
My latest encounter with the aggressive stripey little bastards was on Sunday afternoon at the Sussex Yeoman. I was enjoying a pint of Kronenburg in the sunshine with my sister, when a wasp landed on the rim of her glass of Apple and Mango J20. In attempting to dislodge the offending insect, she merely succeeded in flicking it into the Apple and Mango J20, where it flailed around helplessly amongst the icecubes.

Quick as a flash, she pulled a PEN from her handbag and offered it as a lifeline to the wasp. It sheepishly clambered aboard and was lifted to "safety"....or so it thought. In a dizzying blur of sibling team-work, the wasp was flicked from the pen by my sister, where it landed confused, sticky and disorientated on the grass between us, where her brother (me) executed a devastating downwards SLAM with my Nike trainer. The wasp was instantly reduced to a twisted, broken MESS.

We finished our drinks and left, walking tall.

 

[Superphil]

*** FLY UPDATE ***

Damn, missed.

 

[Marc]

the other week I had a bastard MOSQUITO in my f***ing bedroom.

I heard something buzzing around my bed and got annoyed so turned on the light and there he was, the little bugger, trying to sneakily get under my covers (I did'nt put out). So rolled up the Falmer Fanzine (sorry) and started a 5min hippie bashing practice run on said mosquito. Of course the little bastard moved as the first swipe crashed into the bed and up he went near the light....<SWING> as I missed him and sent one of 3 spotlights flying onto the wall thus smashing everywhere. <THUD> as I craked the fanzine against the wall thinking I got the little bugger but NOOOOOOOOO...there he was on my curtains looking at me with that "i OWN you!" look.

I shook the curtains and he evenutally flew off right into my trap...an empty glass! I quickly un rolled the fanzine and placed over the top so the little bastard could'nt get out...I then carefully cut a small hole in the top (of the fanzine...sorry) and sprayed some anti-fly stuff right into the glass thus fogging him out completley......HE DIED!

I flushed him down the loo and returned to my bed of dreams about naked girls on a Jamaican beach...but the dreamed turned into a NGIHTMARE when a sawrm of bloody mosquitos attack us.....................THE END!

 

[bhafc99]

Is Ernest worse than FG?

At this stage with FG, we had 17 incomprehensible badly-spelt wind-ups, with Ernest we have 14 tedious wind-ups.
With FG there would be a stream of crap about Dick Tight, with Ernest there would be a similar stream of crap about Magoo. So the facts don't lie, it is official Ernest is more boring than FG and when will he ever tire of his one-track 'joke wind-up' and post something that's actually amusing?

 

[Man of Harveys]

** BEE UPDATE **

Only this very Sunday gone! I got so pissed off with flailing away at a malicious bee that was determined to harrass me - and only me - that I a) left La Senorita de Harvez and her brother shrugging nonchalantly on the terrace of the Royal Pavilion tea room, b) went inside and c) pretended to be interested in the 18th century satirical cartoons about the Prince of Wales - just to avoid it.

 

[Easy 10]

I shook the curtains and he evenutally flew off right into my trap...an empty glass! I quickly un rolled the fanzine and placed over the top so the little bastard could'nt get out...I then carefully cut a small hole in the top (of the fanzine...sorry) and sprayed some anti-fly stuff right into the glass thus fogging him out completley......HE DIED!

GENIUS
I thought for a second there, when you were talking about cutting a small hole in the top, that you had acquired some kind of misplaced pity for the irritating pest in allowing it to breathe. But No ! You pulled out all the stops and made your very own mini gas chamber !

I doff my cap to your creative skills sir. I clearly have a lot to learn when it comes to insect execution.

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

Did you know that on average people eat 8 spiders a year in their sleep.

 

[Marc]

another trick is after you do connect rolled up newspaper with the fly/bee/wasp/whatever they are usually still alive, so carefully pic them up and STAPLE them to something, not all the way so that it cuts them in half but just enough so that they cannot escape...then leave them there to die ala Jesus on the Cross or Bond on the laser table!



"I have you now Mr.Fly"

 

[Easy 10]

Old wives tales, eh Gareth ? Gotta love em'.
Happy birthday by the way.

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

I was having something to eat in The Barn IN Tunbridge Wells when right across the table came a cow and trod on by foccacia. It then knocked over my sister and the wardrobe and hesistated before knocking the hoover over.

I then tried to leave the garden but was so worried about the cow following, that I ended up in the magic Faraway Tree with Moonface, then I saw Jamie, who had lost his magic torch and then I was ill.

Four hours later I....................

You get the picture.

 

[tinx]

** WASP UPDATE **
My latest encounter with the aggressive stripey little bastards was on Sunday afternoon at the Sussex Yeoman. I was enjoying a pint of Kronenburg in the sunshine with my sister, when a wasp landed on the rim of her glass of Apple and Mango J20. In attempting to dislodge the offending insect, she merely succeeded in flicking it into the Apple and Mango J20, where it flailed around helplessly amongst the icecubes.

Quick as a flash, she pulled a PEN from her handbag and offered it as a lifeline to the wasp. It sheepishly clambered aboard and was lifted to "safety"....or so it thought. In a dizzying blur of sibling team-work, the wasp was flicked from the pen by my sister, where it landed confused, sticky and disorientated on the grass between us, where her brother (me) executed a devastating downwards SLAM with my Nike trainer. The wasp was instantly reduced to a twisted, broken MESS.

We finished our drinks and left, walking tall.

That poor wasp.

 

[Easy 10]

Poor wasp my COCK.
It was me or him. That evil black & yellow fucktard was just spoiling for a fight - he'd already hovered an inch in front of my FACE a couple of times. If he didn't want any trouble, he should have stayed away.

He knew the risks.

 

[zefarelly]

the best way to really piss off a wasp is to trap it under an empty pint glass, then very carefully blow fag smoke in there, they go absolutely crazy apeshit bananas . . . ..takes ages for them to die as well so you have to make sure you get a fresh glass for your next pint, sit back and watch with glee as the bastard suffers

the safer and simpler alternative is to make its rectum pressurise its eyelids with a good strong elastic band, but this requires a trained shot, very satisfying once mastered though

 

[Yorkie]

The funniest thing I heard recently was a colleague's husband found a wasps nest.

He decided to deal with it by lighting a banger and inserting it into the nest and retiring after lighting the blue touch paper.

Apparently not one wasp survived.

 

[Soul Finger]

Had a big, fluffy one (bee) rest on my arm while Mackerel fishing off the marina. Fell over, nearly shat me self, and almost went overboard. Caught five of the little bas*rds though! Yummy

 

[Easy 10]

Had a big, fluffy one (bee) rest on my arm while Mackerel fishing off the marina. Fell over, nearly shat me self, and almost went overboard. Caught five of the little bas*rds though! Yummy

What, you eat bee's ?

 

[CHAPPERS]

Is it true that if you can trap and bee and freeze it you can then tie some string round it? Then it wakes up and it's your pet that you can talk for 'flies' and stuff.

 

[D'Angelo Saxon]

Yeah, check out the CKY2K skate video for proof.... DOPE!

 

[Superphil]

Is it true that if you can trap and bee and freeze it you can then tie some string round it? Then it wakes up and it's your pet that you can talk for 'flies' and stuff.

This is a brilliant thread, I'm gonna try that with a wasp (not a bee, they are our friends, mmm, honey)