My first job would be to loan Torres to Northampton and ensure Terry and Ashley Cole both snap their necks in 'training' I would also sign Lambert from Southampton, but never play him... Just because I could
First thing I would do is take the armband off Terry, and give it to Drogba. That would break up their little alliance I should think. Let players fall on the side of Terry, or Drogba. It would be interesting to see who has the most clout. I would then tell Torres to stop pratting about on the wing and get in the box, I would tell Lampard to stop moaning about not playing and start justifying being in the team by playing well. I would tell David Luiz to retire from FIFA12 on the PS3 and start playing professional football and I would recall Thibaut Courtois from his loan at Atletico Madrid, and send them Petr Cech instead. Then I would thank Bosingwa for all the laughs, but tell him to do one. I would tell Mikel to pack his bags aswell, and get him to take Kalou with him. Malouda can go back to France, Turnbull can forget about his easy life picking up his undeserved wages with a good club and then I would be having a quiet word in the ear of Juan Mata and remind him he is class and should be running the game.
Nothing can be done. After signing lots of managers for 'now', and sacking them, Abramovic sensibly decided to sign a manager to develop future success. Then he sacked him after 8 months after poor results - hardly long-term thinking.
The problem lies in the boardroom. Sort that out and everything else will follow. Success, especially European success, is not instant.
Chelsea have Premier League quality players, world class facilities and enough financial backing to be successful in Europe. This is hindered by Sunday League quality decisions in the boardroom.
Get a punchball and start practising my left hook for when Geoff Shreeves asks 'Do you think losing one game in thirty matches is an acceptable situation at this club?' for the fifteenth time in the same interview.
Appoint a really good solicitor for whan Geoff presses charges for assault.