I need some help and advice - really no idea what to do

[Nibble]

Ok lets look at my experience with woman in descending order:

1. - Most recent - fucks me about for a couple of months and then texts me that shit.
2. - dumped me for ex who whacks her about.
3. - actually treated me well apart from sleeping with one of my best mates while I was asleep in the other room.
4. - could not decide between me and her ex girlfriend, dumped me 3 times and then cheated on me.
5. - had a boyfriend
6. - treated me like shit and cheated on me.

And on and on....

I would say that would give you a fairly cynical outlook on relationships.

I would say that is not very differant from most people's experiences give or take. You have to learn to not be tainted by these times and try and spot some of the warning signs earlier.

These girls are acting like that because they don't even know what they want out of their life, let alone a relationship. As corny as it sounds you will meet a decent woman who would not even consider these games and then you may find that they are wirth spending the effort on.

 

[El Presidente]

If she works at an investment bank she is used to being treated like shit all the time.

 

[Les Biehn]

Balance, grasshopper, you need balance in your relationships.
You are probably either a fucker, or a fuckee (as that list suggests)

Your relationships lack a vital ingredient - respect.
Work on that, and it might work....on you.

The trouble is NMH if it is them showing me disrespect what can I do.

I'm not a bumsuck I'm just easy going and don't play games which seems to get me f***ed over everytime. My mother bless her suggested that I was to nice and should be more of an arsehole. I said to her to be honest I'm not gonna change who I am just so as I can have a semi functional relationship with a head case.

 

[Race]

Sorry to be throwing open personal things to the NSC sages but I really do need some help.

I split up with a fiancee just under a year ago - wedding cancelled etc and moved up to Surrey near work and started trying to build things again. We did not keep in contact really but over the course of the year we occasionally spoke and met once or twice for lunch.

The real issue so she said was that there was not enough attraction and that she wanted to move away from her home town and live in London having recently got a job with a Investment Bank - things were kind of on the up for her.

I then got a text in late october from her asking if she wanted to meet for dinner one evening. I thought that it was just a catch up, how are you etc so agreed as I had no problem in seeing her.

We met and after about an hour I sensed there was something that she was trying to say and asked her outright - why did you want to meet. She started crying and said that for months she had been realising that she had made a mistake - that everytime she thought of the future she saw me in it - I was pretty taken aback but realised that I still had real feelings for her.

I said to her that she had to be sure - it was not simply a case of just going back to how things were as things had changed - I lived 80 miles away etc and had been in the States for quite a few weeks and that was likely to happen again - she said that was no problem.

Over the ensuing weeks we met at weekends and had meals together etc and the more we saw each other the more intense she became - she talked about babies, she wanted a family with me and that things would be fantastic.

Before we had met up again she had been invited by her parents to go skiing in the US and we considered me going along for a long weekend - in the end we decided it was too much pressure too soon.

She said that she loved me blah blah blah - and then on Boxing day I got a text from her saying that she did not love me as much as she felt she should.

On her return she e-mailed me explaining that she needed to feel 'insecure' and treated with more contempt to be really attracted to someone.

In all ways I was perfect and it really annoyed her but that in the long run she thought that I would always have deeper feelings for her than she for me.

At 35 I am so angry that I have allowed myself to get stung again by the same person - how can someone talk about babies and a family in one sentance and then say that they need to feel insecure - what the f***??!!

Is it a complete waste of time to try and analyse a womans mind, is she a complete lunatic, or am I just too much of a twat by thinking the best of someones words, taking them on face value and then looking like a berk when I get stung like this?

Any advice gratefully received.

i swear i've heard that on simon bates' "our tune"!!

 

[Les Biehn]

I would say that is not very differant from most people's experiences give or take. You have to learn to not be tainted by these times and try and spot some of the warning signs earlier.

These girls are acting like that because they don't even know what they want out of their life, let alone a relationship. As corny as it sounds you will meet a decent woman who would not even consider these games and then you may find that they are wirth spending the effort on.

I think you speak a certain truth, I just fear the constant in this is me so I am doomed to continue this f***ed up cycle.

 

[Scoffers]

Life is WAY too short to get messed around like that. Put her out of your mind.

Move on, End Of.

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

appreciate the feedback and advice. Just gets me down that someone who can be so much fun, so charismatic, whose parents were so happy we were trying again - all of this is just decorative when it boils down to the fact that she is not ready for any kind od adult relationship.

Her ex boyfriend was married, the one before that had a a girlfriend - and she has admitted that committment terrifies her.

And yet last year she turned 30 and told me that suddenly other things were important - that a family etc was something she wanted - how the hell do you want a family and kids if you revel in an insecure environment??

Also makes you think that at 35 - well I'm not old but I certainly can't waltz into bars any more and pull 20 year olds ( apart from an amazing night in san Fran las year) - all the decent ones really are not available.

Worried that I am going to be left with the wheezy one with a note from matron excusing her from games!

Is this normal for my age??

 

[Nibble]

Not doomed at all. I went out with a string of nightmares before I had a respectful relationship. In the end I f***ed that up but you know what I mean.

 

[Race]

and its 'holding back the years' by simply red!

 

[Nibble]

appreciate the feedback and advice. Just gets me down that someone who can be so much fun, so charismatic, whose parents were so happy we were trying again - all of this is just decorative when it boils down to the fact that she is not ready for any kind od adult relationship.

Her ex boyfriend was married, the one before that had a a girlfriend - and she has admitted that committment terrifies her.

And yet last year she turned 30 and told me that suddenly other things were important - that a family etc was something she wanted - how the hell do you want a family and kids if you revel in an insecure environment??

Also makes you think that at 35 - well I'm not old but I certainly can't waltz into bars any more and pull 20 year olds ( apart from an amazing night in san Fran las year) - all the decent ones really are not available.

Worried that I am going to be left with the wheezy one with a note from matron excusing her from games!


Now we are getting to the crux of it. Did you want her back because you thought she is fit and it is the best you are going to get now you are 35? You are wrong. You may not have a relationship with a 20 year old again but youwill probably find a 30+ woman who is going to treat you with the respect you deserve.

 

[Les Biehn]

Also makes you think that at 35 - well I'm not old but I certainly can't waltz into bars any more and pull 20 year olds ( apart from an amazing night in san Fran las year) - all the decent ones really are not available.

Worried that I am going to be left with the wheezy one with a note from matron excusing her from games!

Is this normal for my age??

Dude, I'm 28 and feel like that. Every bird I know over 25 is taken, every bird under it is an emotional f*** head or just too young.

But at the end of the day the odds suggest that there must be single woman over 25, the trouble is where do you meet them? Unless you work for a big organisation then you are rarely going to.

 

[Les Biehn]

Not doomed at all. I went out with a string of nightmares before I had a respectful relationship. In the end I f***ed that up but you know what I mean.

To be fair mate I think it is bullshit to say you mucked it up but that's probably a conversation for another time.

 

[Nibble]

Dude, I'm 28 and feel like that. Every bird I know over 25 is taken, every bird under it is an emotional f*** head or just too young.

But at the end of the day the odds suggest that there must be single woman over 25, the trouble is where do you meet them? Unless you work for a big organisation then you are rarely going to.

Kill yourself.

 

[Wozza]

...we occasionally spoke and met once or twice for lunch...

That's where you went wrong.

 

[Publius Ovidius]

i swear i've heard that on simon bates' "our tune"!!

Nah...the budgie would have flown away and the dog died of cancer!!!


I am so glad I am one of those smug bastards who has never had to go through any of this shit! Hope it sorts itself out Diggers!

 

[Les Biehn]

Kill yourself.

I might do just to see how you would feel now you have said that.

 

[Nibble]

I might do just to see how you would feel now you have said that.

It would be the first advice of mine you ahve ever taken

 

[Les Biehn]

It would be the first advice of mine you ahve ever taken

In 4 years it's been the only advice worth taking.

 

[Nibble]

That's why advice is free. Because it's worthless!

 

[Pevenseagull]

bumped into an ex recetly. We'd gone out for a few months a year or so back when we were both in our early 30s, good jobs, some shared interests, good sex etc. Things were fine but I never really felt she was the one as she always seemed a bit emotionally closed off. I was't particularly disappointed when she called things off citing lack of attention on my part - I considered this bullshit as I felt I was making a lot more effort than she but slightly grudgingly took the opportunity to move on.

Anyway at our chance meeting we had a catch up. Me, nothing going on - her response somewhat pithhy and critical but I didn't mind too much as I was struggling to remember what I saw in her.

Her situation, "blissfully happy". The reason being that her new fella has a reputation for beating women up and they'd been together for 3 or 4 months and he'd not hit her once - this makes her feel very special.

I contacted a mutual female friend to express my concerns and it turns out my ex is now on the dole and shacked up with a coke dealer who likes putting cigarettes out on women.

Still, as long as she's happy.

There's some f***ing odd people out there and more are women than men.

Regarding DTs situation my advice is stay well away, if she's like that now imagine what her menopause will be like.