I need some help and advice - really no idea what to do

[severnside gull]

A classic case of "you're too nice for someone like me" I fear. Walk away however hard that might be...the next step will be "I love you but I'm not IN love with you"

Walking away is definitely the right answer.
If the relationship continued its course you would be condemned to a lifetime of insecurity/jealousy/emotional blackmail issues - believe me I had fifteen years of it with my first marriage and although I loved her it drove me to alcoholism (or maybe it was watching the rise & fall of the Albion!!).

There was a point when I did walk away early on and met with her from time to time for purely carnal purposes - it was idyllic but I was drawn in by my own need for a real relationship, hence we ended up married even though I knew then that it was a mistake. I truly regret that 15 years so my best advice to you is walk away and start again with someone else NOW.

 

[Dandyman]

Does she have a best friend you could sleep with ?

 

[Mrs Coach]

She's emotionally immature, a bit like a spoilt child. Kids often crave a new toy. They go on and on about it, then they finally get it for a birthday or Christmas present or whatever. They think it's absolutely brilliant, they play with it for a bit; then guess what? They get bored with it and want something else.

I have friends EXACTLY like this. You're spot on I think. The comments about being the 'chaser' not the 'chasee' also apply.

 

[itszamora]

I agree with a lot of what NMH says there.

I look at all my close mates and can quite easily say that out of the 6 of them 2 have found decent birds worth keeping and the other 4 while having recently gone out with girls 1 has a tendency to treat them a bit shitty while the other 3 have been f***ed around continuously, usually by the same girl (that's not one girl, each respective ex). Add myself into the mix and that's a 4-1 ratio of girls f***ing blokes around.

Basically what you're trying to say is that GIRLS are RUBBISH. FACT.

 

[The Large One]

Interestingly, she has not tried to burn her bridges with you, possibly meaning she'll be back to mess you about again.

She might well go on about 'how she's confused', in which case, tell her to come back when she's sorted her head out. That, as someone on here suggested, might be once her body clock is winning out.

She's acting out a fantasy, using you in the lead part. Walk away, Mr Trousers, and find someone with an emotional rating higher than an errant child or a mongrel dog.

It has now become an issue of trust. And I don't suppose you will EVER trust her again not to behave like this. Put it this way, do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

Oh, and these dinners - if they continue, take along a friend, or a chaperone, or a gooseberry. I suggest you start with... John Motson.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Diggers, do you have this girl's number? She sounds like a borderline mentalist, If she's slim and blonde, then she sounds PERFECT for Buzzer.

 

[Lokki 7]

On her return she e-mailed me explaining that she needed to feel 'insecure' and treated with more contempt to be really attracted to someone.

This is woman speak for "Do me up the wrong 'un please".

 

[rospants]

Find someone who loves you for who you are and treats you as a equal, there are plently of ladies out there who deserve a lovely bloke like you

 

[Barnet Seagull]

This is woman speak for "Do me up the wrong 'un please".

Damn it, was just about to post something similar.

In all seriousness though Diggers, I think Lokki is right.

 

[Les Biehn]

I have friends EXACTLY like this. You're spot on I think. The comments about being the 'chaser' not the 'chasee' also apply.

It's game playing isn't it. I actually kind of blame patriarchal society. It limits women's feeling of control so they try to exert it in covert ways resulting in game playing.

Just my opinion like.

 

[Nibble]

It's game playing isn't it. I actually kind of blame patriarchal society. It limits women's feeling of control so they try to exert it in covert ways resulting in game playing.

Just my opinion like.

It's talk like that that stops you getting any.

 

[Lokki 7]

It's talk like that that stops you getting any.

Bang on the money there Nibbs.

 

[Easy 10]

Get back with her, be nice most of the time, but just give her the occasional slap. That seems to be what she wants.

 

[Les Biehn]

But I don't want to sleep with either of you two and as I don't express these thoughts to girls I want to pull I would suggest it is the drunkenness and uglyness that stops me from getting any.

 

[Nibble]

To digweed I say that you probably know what you should do and it is hard. I have been in a very similar situation before and in your heart of hearts you know it ia an unhealthy relationship to contemplate. She has been a shitbag and does not deserve you.

To Les I say, if you spend your time constantly on guard for the games you think women want to play, whether this is verbalised to them or not then you will find it very hard to give anyone a chance. Men and women thnk differantly which results in confusion but the vast majority of them want a healthy relationship and don't play games. The mature, decent ones that is. immature ones who have not yet found out who they are in the world will mess you around.

 

[Lokki 7]

Before anyone else can love you Les, you have to learn to love YOURSELF.
(No, that kind of self love doesn't count.)

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

Take it from someone who has tried... you cannot cross the same bridge twice....

well you have and surprise surprise it didn't get any better. The problems from the first split up will always come back and haunt you the second time around. Sorry to say but you just have to accept that she's not the one no matter how much you may wish she was. Now you need to make sure that she gets the message that you are done and dusted with this otherwise you will continue crossing that bridge over and over again giving both of you more heartache and emotional damage.

Shed a tear and move on.

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

But I don't want to sleep with either of you two and as I don't express these thoughts to girls I want to pull I would suggest it is the drunkenness and uglyness that stops me from getting any.

You think?

:thud:

 

[Les Biehn]

To Les I say, if you spend your time constantly on guard for the games you think women want to play, whether this is verbalised to them or not then you will find it very hard to give anyone a chance. Men and women thnk differantly which results in confusion but the vast majority of them want a healthy relationship and don't play games. The mature, decent ones that is. immature ones who have not yet found out who they are in the world will mess you around.

Ok lets look at my experience with woman in descending order:

1. - Most recent - fucks me about for a couple of months and then texts me that shit.
2. - dumped me for ex who whacks her about.
3. - actually treated me well apart from sleeping with one of my best mates while I was asleep in the other room.
4. - could not decide between me and her ex girlfriend, dumped me 3 times and then cheated on me.
5. - had a boyfriend
6. - treated me like shit and cheated on me.

And on and on....

I would say that would give you a fairly cynical outlook on relationships.

 

[NMH]

Ok lets look at my experience with woman in descending order:

1. - Most recent - fucks me about for a couple of months and then texts me that shit.
2. - dumped me for ex who whacks her about.
3. - actually treated me well apart from sleeping with one of my best mates while I was asleep in the other room.
4. - could not decide between me and her ex girlfriend, dumped me 3 times and then cheated on me.
5. - had a boyfriend
6. - treated me like shit and cheated on me.

And on and on....

I would say that would give you a fairly cynical outlook on relationships.

Balance, grasshopper, you need balance in your relationships.
You are probably either a fucker, or a fuckee (as that list suggests)

Your relationships lack a vital ingredient - respect.
Work on that, and it might work....on you.