Great Blackadder Quotes

[DTES]

After seeing the Simpsons thread, thought I should start a Blackadder one, clearly the funniest show of all time. Classic quote for me:

"Impossible sir. I know from long experience that my men have all the artistic talent of a cluster of colourblind hedgehogs........... in a bag."

or

"This is a crisis. A large crisis. In fact, if you got a moment, it's a twelve-storey crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpetting throughout, 24-hour portage, and an enormous sign on the roof, saying 'This Is a Large Crisis'. A large crisis requires a large plan. Get me two pencils and a pair of underpants."

 

[Simster]

I think the phrase I'm looking for rhymes with "clucking bell"

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

can only remember it vaguely, but ill type it then watch the dvd later

Blackadder (to baldrick) - what was your dads' profession
Baldrick - nun
Blackadder - Baldrick, your father was not a nun
Baldrick - Yes he was! when we were in court, the person said, "proffession?" and he said nun!!

and its as cunning as a cunning fox thats got a degree in cunningness from cunningham university!

 

[Exiled in Exeter]

Flasheart All right men, let's do-oo-oo it! The first thing to remember is: always treat your kite like you treat your woman!
[Flasheart whips the air with his cane.]
George How, how do you mean, Sir? Do you mean, do you mean take her home at weekends to meet your mother?
Flasheart No, I mean get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back!

 

[MRRF 10]

blackadder rules

 

[Exiled in Exeter]

Aunt: I mean explain why you are wearing a cardinal's hat, why you are grinning inanely, and [sees the feather as Edmund turns around and falls to his knees, leaning against the chair to the side of the door] ...why you have an ostrich feather sticking out of your britches!

Edmund: I'm wearing a cardinal's hat because I'm Cardinal Chunder, I have an ostrich feather up my bottom [Percy nods and mouths Edmund's words, having heard this before] because Mr Ostrich put it there to keep in the little pixies -- hah hah! -- and I'm grinning inanely because I think I've just about succeeded in conning you and your daft husband out of a whopping great inheritance -- hee hee hee hee hee!

 

[Hiney]

Your head is as empty as a eunuch's underpants

 

[Hiney]

Tally ho, pip pip and Bernard's your Uncle

In English we say Good Morning

 

[Dunkstar]

"think you can manage two lumps Baldrick?"

 

[Dunkstar]

"Baldrick if a hungry cannibal cracked open your head he'd barely have enough to cover a small water biscuit"

 

[The Large One]

And when the men were asked for a preference between you and a toilet cleaner in Aberdeen, it was Wee Jock Poo Pong McPlop every time.

I'm as happy as as Frenchman who's invented some self-removing trousers.

The frontline has moved as far as an asthmatic ant with some heavy shopping.

 

[Beach Hut]

Next you'll be telling me his arm has grown back

He's only got one arm

 

[US Seagull]

Baby eating Bishop of Bath and Wells: You see, I am a collosal pervert. Animal, vegetable or mineral, I'll do anything to anything.

Blackadder: Fine words indeed and so refreshing to see the church speaking out on social issues for a change.

 

[nutter]

"Tick , sounds a bit rude doesn't it!Sounds a bit like ....... Bum!

Quote from Hugh Lawrie in BEER.

Also the one about the wise women is bloody hilarious!

 

[Jameson]

I've got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel......

 

[BenElton'sBrother]

The one with the german spy.

"There are three great universities, Cambridge, Oxford and Hull. You failed to notice that only two of those are in fact great universities"

"Exactly Oxford is a right dump"

 

[Jameson]

See the little goblin,

see his little feet,

see his little nosey wosey

ain't the goblin sweet....yes

 

[Beach Hut]

Infact Baldrick has a thingy shaped like a turnip

 

[The Clown of Pevensey Bay]

"Christmas has an H in it, Baldrick. And an R, an I, an S, T, M, A, and another S. Oh, and you forgot to put the C on at the beginning".

Ben Elton's Brother, are you really Ben Elton's brother BTW? Cos if you are, my ex girlfriend used to babysit for you.

 

[BenElton'sBrother]

Ben Elton's Brother, are you really Ben Elton's brother BTW? Cos if you are, my ex girlfriend used to babysit for you.