Girlfriend Probs

[tedebear]

The foolish hunter lacks guile and cunning. The harder he chases, the faster runs the game. Those who watch cry, "behold, the stupid hunter !" and they laugh at his fruitless endeavours. You chase because she runs, and she runs because you chase.

Do what the wise hunter does, and wait softly at the waterhole. Let the quarry come to you, Bwana. When she comes close, impale her on your love-spear, and be sure to flail her carcass in front of the tribe.

Brilliant!! has it worked for you??

Love spear!!! well I never....

 

[Italiaseagull]

Repeat to yourself 50 times a day, 'I'm a f***ing playa' and soon enough all will be well again.

 

[Citrus]

I thought most people knew I was married before I met Ned.

My first husband (a Leeds fan) ran off with a younger woman. I divorced him and 3 years later married Ned.

We have been very happily married for 10 years now and it gets better and better.

Fair enough, it read as if you had gone for a younger women...

 

[Yorkie]

Fair enough, it read as if you had gone for a younger women...

No it didn't. I read it again to make sure it didn't read that way

 

[Brighton Breezy]

I cant believe everone ignored my pearls of wisdom when they worked for me only a few months ago and now Im happier then ever!

 

[bhanuts]

Get a bottle of champagne down her fat neck on Christmas eve, she'll then be well up for a soapy tit-wank, then do her up the arse, turn her over and spunk all over her tits.
Believe me, this is what she's been missing from you and almost certainly what she's now getting from someone else - probably someone better endowed than yourself.
No offence, but you need to learn how to satisfy your bitch a bit better.
The best advice I can offer is to try for her younger sister. Her lack of experience may mean she isn't so aware of your obvious failings in the sack.
Good luck buddy. Hope this helped.

f***ing Brilliant advice, the only thing I would add is try and Shag her Mum, that will be sure to piss her off! Also a bit more experience from her might make you beeter in the sack thus preventing this situation arising again!

 

[Wozza]

Watch Swingers.

Have a wank over Heather Graham.

Sorted.

 

[Easy 10]

Brilliant!! has it worked for you??

Love spear!!! well I never....

Well, it seems to work in the Congo.

 

[CHAPPERS]

Watch Swingers.

Have a wank over Heather Graham.

Sorted.

Should be arriving on dvd for me tomorrow.

Great film, i was thinking about saying this and telling him to watch the bit where they talk about pretending that she is a little bunny rabbit.

Class film.

'You f***ing House of Pain mother fuckers!'

 

[Wozza]

TRENT
What's wrong? I saw you talking to that beautiful blonde baby.

SUE
She was cute.

MIKE
She didn't like me... I made a fool of myself...

TRENT
Baby, don't talk that way, baby...

SUE
You are so money, and you don't even know it...

TRENT
That's what I keep trying to tell him.

(to Mike)
You're so money, you don't even know...

MIKE
Please, don't mess with me right now...

TRENT
We're not messing with you...

SUE
... we're not...

TRENT
You're like this big beer with claws and fangs...

SUE
... and big fuckin' teeth...

TRENT
... and teeth... And she's like this little bunny cowering in the corner...

SUE
...shivering...

TRENT
... And you're just looking at your claws like "How do I kill this bunny?"...

SUE
...You're just poking at it...

TRENT
... Yeah. You're just gently batting it around... and the rabbit's all scared...

SUE
... and you got big claws and fangs...

TRENT
... and fangs... and you're like "I don't know what to do. How do I kill this bunny?"...

SUE
... you're like a big bear.

MIKE
You're not just, like, f***ing with me?

TRENT
No, baby!

SUE
... honestly...

TRENT
... you're money...

SUE
... you're so fuckin mmmoney.

TRENT
Now go over there and get those digits.

SUE
You're money.

TRENT
(pulling him aside, dead serious)

Now when you talk to her, I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie that everyone's pulling for. I want you to be the guy in the rated R movie who you're not sure if you like.

Mike nods and, energized by the bombardment, crosses back to the bar and right into the fray...

 

[CHAPPERS]

Marvellous scenes.

 

[Biscuit]

lol, you could always go to the event with danny and pull some 13 year olds

 

[CHAPPERS]

CHARLES
Eight-one-eight.

MIKE
Three-one-oh.

Everyone reacts favorably to this area code.

MIKE
How long do I wait to call?

TRENT
A day.

MIKE
Tomorrow?

TRENT
No...

SUE
...Tomorrow, then a day.

TRENT
...Yeah.

MIKE
So, two days?

TRENT
Yeah, I guess you could call it that.

SUE
Definitely. Two days. That's the industry standard.

TRENT
(to Sue, shop talk)
...I used to wait two days. Now everyone waits two
days. Three days is kinda the money now, don't
you think?

SUE
...Yeah. But two's enough not to look anxious...

TRENT
Yeah, but three days is kinda the money...

MIKE
(interrupting sarcastically)
Why don't I just wait three weeks and tell her
I was cleaning out my wallet and found her number...

CHARLES
...then ask where you met her...

MIKE
Yeah, I'll tell her I don't remember and the I'll
ask what she looks like.
(pause)
Then I'll ask if we f***ed. How's that, Tee? Is
that "the money'?

The guys laugh.

TRENT
Laugh all you want, but if you call too soon you can
scare off a nice baby who's ready to party.

SUE
Don't listen to him. You call whenever it feels right.
to you.

MIKE
How long you guys gonna wait to call your honeys?

TRENT AND SUE
Six days.