For the first time in my life...

[Uncle Buck]

I think the state should pay £1 for every dead pigeon and seagull you present to them. in cash.

and pikey chavs scum as well, a tenner each for them cos you'd need a car to drag them to the incinerator and that costs

I like the idea of this, getting paid for a hobby and it gets me out of doing drought stuff.

 

[The Large One]

My first post

I remember once a few summers ago eating lunch and a bunch of seagulls flew over my head dropping a dead fish within feet of me, i was less than impressed but still managed to finish my big mac!

does that baking soda trick work? i remember trying to feed it to pidgeons when i was a bit younger and never saw one explode despite my best efforts

Welcome Gibbo. Good first post - talking about seagull shit. You know it makes sense.

 

[zefarelly]

shall we start a company?

the higher and fire avian control agency, let it take off then shoot the fucker down

 

[The Large One]

I like the idea of this, getting paid for a hobby and it gets me out of doing drought stuff.

You'd clean up - so to speak - on the seagulls you get with your Uzi. Not fair.

 

[The Large One]

shall we start a company?

the higher and fire avian control agency, let it take off then shoot the fucker down

What do you do, set up an office on top of Sussex Heights?

 

[Napper]

I just got shat on by a seagull. Orrible, nasty, spiteful little bastard.

One day, I am going to catch a seagull, wring its f***ing neck until it's immobile, but not yet dead, and make it watch as I shit all over its chicks, then shit over the little git until it suffocated. Only by that process could I consider that the equaliser.

Note to LDC lawyers and CPS: I am joking

never been shat on , although had what seemed like mugs full of seagull shit hit my windscreen one day , then being a twat I put my dodgy wipers on forgetting I had my window open. I can still remember reaching as the stench + liquid hit my freshly pressed suit trousers.

 

[Man of Harveys]

What do you do, set up an office on top of Sussex Heights?

You wanna buy a flat?

 

[MikeySmall]

Re: Re: For the first time in my life...

never been shat on , although had what seemed like mugs full of seagull shit hit my windscreen one day , then being a twat I put my dodgy wipers on forgetting I had my window open. I can still remember reaching as the stench + liquid hit my freshly pressed suit trousers.

 

[Uncle Buck]

You'd clean up - so to speak - on the seagulls you get with your Uzi. Not fair.

Baking soda for those in built up areas.

Napa for the ones in more open areas?

 

[zefarelly]

I think the roof of the Brighton centre would be high enough for a start.

although Churchill square for the HQ, its full of chavs, pikeys, gulls and pigeons 24/7 !

 

[Uncle Buck]

I think the roof of the Brighton centre would be high enough for a start.

although Churchill square for the HQ, its full of chavs, pikeys, gulls and pigeons 24/7 !

Remington sniper rifles the order of the day for that job.

 

[Early Doors]

don't know about the baking soda but exlax works a treat on the dogs around here who shit out the back of our workshop - haven't had any doggy doo there for months!! hopefully they let their bowels go at home on their owners carpets!!

Quality. Wonder if that would work on the cats that shit in our garden?

 

[The Large One]

Quality. Wonder if that would work on the cats that shit in our garden?

*Scuttles off to find the legendary 'cat shit' thread...*

 

[Lord Bracknell]

Actually, this wasn't the usual white/grey precipitate that could be marketed as weapons-grade adhesive. That's the worrying thing, it was a globule of pure brown, that felt I had been hit by a pebble that had exploded. Which in effect is what happened.

It felt like someone had thrown a stone at me, (it was on my back in the middle of my shoulders) and I thought it was some pikey tosser here on Western Road. Only when I heard the bastard seagull screeching with laughter did I realise that I had in fact been faecally de-flowered.

Be thankful that seagulls don't PISS.

 

[bhafc99]

Dear Sir/Madam

I was pruning my geraniums last week, when a large white bird – or 'seagull' as I believe football 'fans' are wont to call them – had the temerity to leave a deposit upon my head.

This was especially galling as I had refreshed my purple rinse at "Edna's hairfashionings" just the previous morn. And I was unable to complete my geranium pruning, meaning that I will be late to Albert's for afternoon tea next Friday as a consequence.

Is this what I pay my council tax for? For avian hooligans to freely roam our skies, not caring whether it is a lager lout or honest law-abiding OAP beneath them? I suspect local Councillors are too busy holding 'working parties' in Barbados to investigate my complaint, and my letter to Crown Prince Abdullah bin Rashid bin Abdullah of Oman has gone unanswered, once again.

I shall now retire to behind my net curtains, and, armed with a ladies' pistol that my late Aunt Beryl used when exploring the Congo at the turn of the last century, exact my personal revenge against:
– seagulls
– so-called supporters of Brightling and Albion Hovegulls, who should build their nasty stadium in Bexhill and be happy about it
– people under 60, who've clearly never fought in a war against that nasty Mr Hitler
– the youth of today generally.

You'll never take me alive. Or sane.

Yrs sincerely
Angela Rowlands

 

[Simon Morgan]

Dear Sir/Madam

I was pruning my geraniums last week, when a large white bird – or 'seagull' as I believe football 'fans' are wont to call them – had the temerity to leave a deposit upon my head.

This was especially galling as I had refreshed my purple rinse at "Edna's hairfashionings" just the previous morn. And I was unable to complete my geranium pruning, meaning that I will be late to Albert's for afternoon tea next Friday as a consequence.

Is this what I pay my council tax for? For avian hooligans to freely roam our skies, not caring whether it is a lager lout or honest law-abiding OAP beneath them? I suspect local Councillors are too busy holding 'working parties' in Barbados to investigate my complaint, and my letter to Crown Prince Abdullah bin Rashid bin Abdullah of Oman has gone unanswered, once again.

I shall now retire to behind my net curtains, and, armed with a ladies' pistol that my late Aunt Beryl used when exploring the Congo at the turn of the last century, exact my personal revenge against:
– seagulls
– so-called supporters of Brightling and Albion Hovegulls, who should build their nasty stadium in Bexhill and be happy about it
– people under 60, who've clearly never fought in a war against that nasty Mr Hitler
– the youth of today generally.

You'll never take me alive. Or sane.

Yrs sincerely
Angela Rowlands

agree totally, angela

 

[West Hoathly Seagull]

Ever tried being vomited on by a fulmar (those enormous birds that swoop in and out of the cliffs at Newhaven and Seaford)? It's the way they feed their chicks, but they also use it as a very effective weapon. You will never get rid of that smell out of your clothes. It makes kiddy puke smell like perfume (thankfully not had the experience myself, but heard Bill Oddie talking about it on one of his birdwatching programmes).

 

[Vankleek Hill Seagull]

You should be thankful that you've never been pissed on by a skunk.

The smell takes weeks to get rid of.

 

[Yorkie]

Herring Gulls (common seagulls) are protected by law unless it is lawfully allowed to 'control' them.

http://www.rspb.org.uk/birds/advice/gullsintown/gulls_and_the_law.asp

 

[Father Jack]

I just got shat on by a seagull. Orrible, nasty, spiteful little bastard.

One day, I am going to catch a seagull, wring its f***ing neck until it's immobile, but not yet dead, and make it watch as I shit all over its chicks, then shit over the little git until it suffocated. Only by that process could I consider that the equaliser.

Note to LDC lawyers and CPS: I am joking