Jimbo26
New member
Longest trail of snot in the world...ever !!
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Favourite Derek & Clive sketch or line ?
- Thread starter Jimbo26
- Start date
Mrs Coach
aka Jesus H. Woman
My old mans a dustbin song
Or the non-stop dancer....
Or the non-stop dancer....
The Large One
Who's Next?
Jump, you fucker, jump...
SJ's Love Monkey
Ambrose-ia
scooter1
How soon is now?
The horse racing one on Ad Nauseum, or as Jimbo says " The longest trail
of snot in the world"......
I said Dolly..........
of snot in the world"......
I said Dolly..........
Icy Gull
Back on the rollercoaster
- Jul 5, 2003
- 72,015
CLIVE [PETER COOK]: What's - was the worst job you had?
DEREK [DUDLEY MOORE]: The worst job I ever had?
CLIVE: Yeah.
DEREK: [COUGHS]
CLIVE: What, it was just that? Coughing?
DEREK: Well, I had to collect up, it was a very difficult job, I had to collect up every year - financial year, you know, April. . .
CLIVE: Every ear? Whose ears did you collect up?
DEREK: . . .A - no, wait, no, 'year'. April to April.
CLIVE: Yeah.
DEREK: [BELCHES] Pardon. All the phlegm what Winston Churchill had gobbed out into his bucket by the bed.
CLIVE: Oh, God, yes, I was offered that job. . .
DEREK: And. . .
CLIVE: . . .but I said, "No, I'm not going to collect all that phlegm 'cos he has so many cigars, so much brandy, I am not, as a human being, going to go round with buckets collecting that f***ing phlegm."
DEREK: Well, I'll tell you. . .
CLIVE: I said, "I'm not going to touch it." I said, "I won't touch it,". . .
DEREK: No.
CLIVE: "I'd rather be a destitute."
DEREK: The problem was, the problem was, what constituted one piece of phlegm, because, as you can imagine. . .
CLIVE: This is the problem.
DEREK: . . .the f***ing stuff was all in different shapes and sizes.
CLIVE: Yeah. Some green, some blue, some brown.
DEREK: You
etc etc
DEREK [DUDLEY MOORE]: The worst job I ever had?
CLIVE: Yeah.
DEREK: [COUGHS]
CLIVE: What, it was just that? Coughing?
DEREK: Well, I had to collect up, it was a very difficult job, I had to collect up every year - financial year, you know, April. . .
CLIVE: Every ear? Whose ears did you collect up?
DEREK: . . .A - no, wait, no, 'year'. April to April.
CLIVE: Yeah.
DEREK: [BELCHES] Pardon. All the phlegm what Winston Churchill had gobbed out into his bucket by the bed.
CLIVE: Oh, God, yes, I was offered that job. . .
DEREK: And. . .
CLIVE: . . .but I said, "No, I'm not going to collect all that phlegm 'cos he has so many cigars, so much brandy, I am not, as a human being, going to go round with buckets collecting that f***ing phlegm."
DEREK: Well, I'll tell you. . .
CLIVE: I said, "I'm not going to touch it." I said, "I won't touch it,". . .
DEREK: No.
CLIVE: "I'd rather be a destitute."
DEREK: The problem was, the problem was, what constituted one piece of phlegm, because, as you can imagine. . .
CLIVE: This is the problem.
DEREK: . . .the f***ing stuff was all in different shapes and sizes.
CLIVE: Yeah. Some green, some blue, some brown.
DEREK: You
etc etc
D'Angelo Saxon
SW19ULLS
Laugh? I nearly SHAT.
Hockley Blues
New member
chez
Johnny Byrne-The Greatest
Wiggins and the brasso
You'll never guess what it was.
A f*ckin Ant.
Nooooooo.
Kind of thing I need to remind myself of D & C Live for the full effect.
A f*ckin Ant.
Nooooooo.
Kind of thing I need to remind myself of D & C Live for the full effect.
cannedheat
Banned
Norman the carpet.
dougdeep
New member
Hullo? f****ng HULLO?
Superphil
Dismember
The labels sketch was always my favourite, and the bit about Cement Mixers the best. Please note, this is a bit on the rude side;
CLIVE:
Well, y-, y-n-, my, er, my Ann. She wanted some lip gloss, you know, we're going out celebrating that night and, er, she said, you know, "I'll just have the French Orlain, er, lip gloss," you know, .....
DEREK:
Yeah, that's all, that's .....
CLIVE:
That's all she asked for.
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah .....
CLIVE:
And, er, they gave her a cement mixer.
DEREK:
Tch.
CLIVE:
And she was distraught, you know, I said, you know, I-, she's always, you know, late dressing, fiddling around with her hair, and that, you know .....
DEREK:
Oh, f***ing ****, she is, mate! Frankly.
CLIVE:
Well, y-, frankly, yeah, a ****. But, you know, er-r-r ..... she-, she .....
DEREK:
f***ing stupid ****, I'd like to kick her f***ing **** OFF!!
CLIVE:
Well, you can any time, but the point was I said, you know, "Where are you? W-why are you taking so long?" She said, "I can't get this lip gloss on". And there she was, struggling with a cement mixer .....
CLIVE:
Well, y-, y-n-, my, er, my Ann. She wanted some lip gloss, you know, we're going out celebrating that night and, er, she said, you know, "I'll just have the French Orlain, er, lip gloss," you know, .....
DEREK:
Yeah, that's all, that's .....
CLIVE:
That's all she asked for.
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah .....
CLIVE:
And, er, they gave her a cement mixer.
DEREK:
Tch.
CLIVE:
And she was distraught, you know, I said, you know, I-, she's always, you know, late dressing, fiddling around with her hair, and that, you know .....
DEREK:
Oh, f***ing ****, she is, mate! Frankly.
CLIVE:
Well, y-, frankly, yeah, a ****. But, you know, er-r-r ..... she-, she .....
DEREK:
f***ing stupid ****, I'd like to kick her f***ing **** OFF!!
CLIVE:
Well, you can any time, but the point was I said, you know, "Where are you? W-why are you taking so long?" She said, "I can't get this lip gloss on". And there she was, struggling with a cement mixer .....
pasty
A different kind of pasty
Jam The Man
Well-known member
Cian
Well-known member
Am I the only one who hasn't got the slightest clue what you're all on about 