ChampionsElect
New member
- Feb 1, 2011
- 2
Firstly I used to be quite a prolific poster on here so know the good advice and help that NSC can actually give, although I don't post anywhere near enough as I used to. I'd like to get this out in the open but for the time being I'd like to protect my identity.
Basically, it feels like I'm at an all time low in life and everything and everyone seems so far away. I'm still quite young but people tell me I've been through a lot. I'd say it all started around 14 months when I discovered that an ex of mine had suffered a miscarriage, we weren't planning for a child but the relationship wasn't the greatest although it lasted a fair amount of time. I don't think a day passed by without the thoughts and the upset going through my head.
Since the start of last year I've also got myself into a fair amount of debt and its nye on impossible for me to pay that back as I can't control money in any sort of way. I wish I could.
Things changed for me at the start of September after meeting a new girlfriend, although she was a few years younger than what I am. The relationship was great and I actually felt happy and physically better about myself. The feelings inside felt and feel so much stronger than any other that I previously had. Everything was okay until Christmas Day. That day I woke up in one of those moods where you just sit there and think why? Why have I messed up everything previously in everything else I've ever done etc. Unfortunately I managed to take this out on my girlfriend which ultimately I believed ruined her day. For a few days afterwards things seemed okay but I felt something wasn't right. Just after new year she text me saying that she's sorry for being a bit moody at the moment and that she loves me so much. So I ask to see her and her response was that she didn't know when she'd next be able to see me. An hour or so later I received a text saying that sorry she couldn't do this anymore and that at this moment in time she didn't need a relationship. The pain and the anguish inside is truly the worst I've ever felt. People say move on etc. but the fact is that I can't - my heart won't let me simply because of the feelings I have.
Also its fair to say that I don't really have many close friends and my best mate now lives a fair bit away - the times when you need them the most, they seem so far away. I know that I've wasted a fair bit of my life and ultimately I know that my parents are disappointed in me and feel let down.
Nothing seems to go right for me for a sustained period of time. I know I'm depressed and I've asked to be put back in touch with my psychologist. I just felt I had to get this out in the open and to not bottle it all up inside.
For those who have worked out who I normally post as, please don't reveal this at this moment in time.
Basically, it feels like I'm at an all time low in life and everything and everyone seems so far away. I'm still quite young but people tell me I've been through a lot. I'd say it all started around 14 months when I discovered that an ex of mine had suffered a miscarriage, we weren't planning for a child but the relationship wasn't the greatest although it lasted a fair amount of time. I don't think a day passed by without the thoughts and the upset going through my head.
Since the start of last year I've also got myself into a fair amount of debt and its nye on impossible for me to pay that back as I can't control money in any sort of way. I wish I could.
Things changed for me at the start of September after meeting a new girlfriend, although she was a few years younger than what I am. The relationship was great and I actually felt happy and physically better about myself. The feelings inside felt and feel so much stronger than any other that I previously had. Everything was okay until Christmas Day. That day I woke up in one of those moods where you just sit there and think why? Why have I messed up everything previously in everything else I've ever done etc. Unfortunately I managed to take this out on my girlfriend which ultimately I believed ruined her day. For a few days afterwards things seemed okay but I felt something wasn't right. Just after new year she text me saying that she's sorry for being a bit moody at the moment and that she loves me so much. So I ask to see her and her response was that she didn't know when she'd next be able to see me. An hour or so later I received a text saying that sorry she couldn't do this anymore and that at this moment in time she didn't need a relationship. The pain and the anguish inside is truly the worst I've ever felt. People say move on etc. but the fact is that I can't - my heart won't let me simply because of the feelings I have.
Also its fair to say that I don't really have many close friends and my best mate now lives a fair bit away - the times when you need them the most, they seem so far away. I know that I've wasted a fair bit of my life and ultimately I know that my parents are disappointed in me and feel let down.
Nothing seems to go right for me for a sustained period of time. I know I'm depressed and I've asked to be put back in touch with my psychologist. I just felt I had to get this out in the open and to not bottle it all up inside.
For those who have worked out who I normally post as, please don't reveal this at this moment in time.