Classic Simpsons lines

[Jason Speaks]

From Lemon of Troy.

Bart: Something you said today really got through to me. And now I'm off to Shelbyville to teach some kids a lesson.
Marge: I choose to take that literally.
Bartoff) Death to Shelbyville.
Homer: Yes Marge, Barts a tutor now. Tute on son. Tute on.

Later in same episode

Lisa: The only thing Bart's teaching is geurilla warfare in Shelbyville.
Marge: Homer quick. Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang.

And after they park Flander's RV outside i the hospital bay and is towed to the pound a la Trojan horse:-
Homer: Nobody in history has ever though of anything this smart.

 

[Ex Shelton Seagull]

Moe comforts Flanders at Maudes funeral

Moe "Hey Flanders, I know we haven't hung out much what with your insanse fear of alcohol and me being banned from church, but I just wanted to let you know that Maude, she was really something, you know"
Flanders "Aw, thankyou Maude"
Moe "No, no. I mean it. She was really something. I mean if it had been you that had died I would have been in there so fast"
Flanders (horrified) "What are you saying?"
Moe "What, what? She was really hot you can't deny that"
Flanders (starts beating Moe in the chest) "You monster!"
Moe "Yeah, that's it. Let it all out. Send me up to Maude (looking skywards) Oh yeah, I'm coming baby, i'm coming!"

Homer discovers something about money

Homer (grasping around under the sofa) "Hello, what have we here? Oh, it's just a twenty dollar bill"
Homers brain "Wait that's better"
Homer "Explain"
Homers brain "Money can be exchanged for goods and services"
Homer "But I want peanunts"
Homers brain "Money can buy many peanuts"
Homer "Woo-hoo!"

And a classic Ralph

"Me fail English? Thats unpossible!"

 

[Jason Speaks]

Homer discovers Artie Ziff canoodling on the dance floor with Marge at Arties recreated High school prom.

Homer: If Marge Marries Artie, I'll never be born.
Storms of in wailing.


And at the end when Artie offers Homer the Million dollars.
Marge: Homer you can't take his money.
Homer: Argh. I can'take HIS money. I can't MAKE my own money. I have to WORK to get money. I why don't I just lye down and die.

 

[US Seagull]

From the episode where Marge sets up a telephone help line at the church (I saw just a clip of this last night)

Moe (calling Marge): Errm....yeah I have a question about my cat
In background: Meow
Moe (shouting): Hey shut up, I'm asking her.

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

when the simpsons look after mr burns' house -


Marge (holding one of those massive 2 prong fork things) : Whats this for??
Homer (in posh English voice) : My dear, i believe youre meant to scratch your ass with it

 

[Titanic]

BAG - thanks for resurrecting this thread

Here's another one of my favs...

Lisa: All we found were these oozing berries, and they look pretty poisonous.
Ralph: I ated the purple berries! Ow, Ooh, Aargh.
Bart: How are they Ralph? Good?
Ralph: They taste like burning.

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

BAG - thanks for resurrecting this thread

no probs!! was watching it a couple of days ago and remembered the thread!

 

[Titanic]

Ralph Wiggum specials!

"Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!"

"My cats breath smells like cat food."

"And when the doctor said I didn't have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life!"

"That's where I saw the leprechaun.. He told me to burn things."

"Mrs Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me."

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

Homer's brain - that was the cleverest thing you're ever going t say, and no-one heard it
Homer - doh!

 

[Schrödinger's Toad]

Both existing signature and my previous:

Rev. Lovejoy to Hans Moleman, when Homer is in jail after eating the poisonous blowfish:

OK, Hans, time to go ...

But he ate my last meal!

If that's the worst thing that happens to you today, consider yourself lucky ...

Are you really allowed to execute people in a local jail?

From this point on, no talking ...