Bottom wiping

[jackanada]

After a recent Brad I discovered the loo roll was down to a single solitary sheet. Necessity being the mother of invention I carefully unpeeled the scant supply of tissue and tore the cardboard tube into two. I used the first of the two short tubes thus formed to scoop, tore the second along its axis enabling me to scrape thereby saving the paper for the polish.

Whatever the accoutrements available I am sure the scoop, scrape, polish methodology is valid.

 

[SeagullinExile]

Dont use that shiny toilet paper on a hangover.... at best , your guaranteed to give yourself a badger stripe up your back with one false move...at worst, your finger will split the paper an you'll end up penetrating your own anus....you have been warned.

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

This guy was always very effective at getting rid of the "Klingons"

 

[Huple]

I got caught short in Brighton years ago and dived onto the station to use those horrible old toilets from the eighties. Ran into one of the traps to find the toilet seat on the floor so went for the lean back with knees bent tactic. Well, completely missed the opening and left what can only be described as a giant Mr Whippy on the back of the porcelain pan. Couldn,t leave it just like that so I carefully placed the seat back on just like a ground worker laying a paving slab on a mound of wet cement.

I always wonder what would have happened if the next customer plonked himself on there in a bit of a hurry.

 

[Bladders]

Slightly different question what do you do when you have made the schoolboy error of checking for bog roll before you take a dump to find teh horror that there isn't any once you have a filthy backside?

 

[seagullsovergrimsby]

fold for sure. always wondered how people manage to do it while still seated. I have to stand up to wipe

I'm another standee but use the 12 sheet method. Tear off approx 12 sheets , scrunch the first 2 sheets together , wipe and then fold the next 2 sheets around two fingers and thumb , wipe and repeat , if the botty isn't clean once all the 12 sheets are used up then I gauge how many more sheets are needed.

 

[public school boy]

Buy a Palarse scalf

 

[Bladders]

I got caught short in Brighton years ago and dived onto the station to use those horrible old toilets from the eighties. Ran into one of the traps to find the toilet seat on the floor so went for the lean back with knees bent tactic. Well, completely missed the opening and left what can only be described as a giant Mr Whippy on the back of the porcelain pan. Couldn,t leave it just like that so I carefully placed the seat back on just like a ground worker laying a paving slab on a mound of wet cement.

I always wonder what would have happened if the next customer plonked himself on there in a bit of a hurry.

That was you was it! Bastard!!!!!

 

[SeagullinExile]

I got caught short in Brighton years ago and dived onto the station to use those horrible old toilets from the eighties. Ran into one of the traps to find the toilet seat on the floor so went for the lean back with knees bent tactic. Well, completely missed the opening and left what can only be described as a giant Mr Whippy on the back of the porcelain pan. Couldn,t leave it just like that so I carefully placed the seat back on just like a ground worker laying a paving slab on a mound of wet cement.

I always wonder what would have happened if the next customer plonked himself on there in a bit of a hurry.

Bastard....so it was you was it?

 

[SeagullinExile]

That was you was it! Bastard!!!!!

Beat me to it pal! Great minds..blah blah blah

Thats actually pretty scary...nearly the same post...are you me? or am i you? Im so confused....


Note to self: Stop taking acid on a Monday afternoon.

 

[pal4life]

I bet you sniffed your finger?

 

[Bladders]

Beat me to it pal! Great minds..blah blah blah

Thats actually pretty scary...nearly the same post...are you me? or am i you? Im so confused....


Note to self: Stop taking acid on a Monday afternoon.

Probably both of us, you see I scraped it off my jeans and reset it for the next person.

 

[making plans for nigel]

What is it with Brighton fans and bottoms



But in saying that,
Quite informative

 

[SeagullinExile]

What is it with Brighton fans and bottoms



But in saying that,
Quite informative

We like them...especially yours cutie pie

P.S. Quick to join in the thread though eh?? C'mon..admit it..you wanna be one of us dont ya Nige?!

 

[xenophon]

Bog roll for American field slaves

Fact

 

[Blackcap]

five pages of this, and STILL there's less shit in this thread than in most of the transfer rumour threads.

 

[Bladders]

I'm going to delicately fold next time and report back.

Early expectations are a good start with an unforeseen tear half way through and a stray finger inadvertently pushing some back where it came.

Mmm, I'm feeling a late night clear out could be on the cards.

 

[JCL]

Oh yeah, I can feel a follow-on too....

I've been noting that the folders have a large majority over the scrunchers... and quite right too; scrunching went out in the late 1900's when people stopped using gerbils and turned to waste paper...

Anyway, I was wondering if there were any thoughts about what you had to eat the day before having an 'effect' on the first dump of the day?
Putting curry aside for a moment...

I've often found that eating something quite greasy like chips can have an interesting effect; so much so, that it can force you to change technique.
Being somewhat wetter & looser, it's imperative to get in their swiftly with a fast, but effective 3-fold swipe to remove the majority of the offending material. Care has to be taken with the second approach, otherwise it could take a while before the clean & smooth finish can be achieved...

 

[cloud]

Anyway, I was wondering if there were any thoughts about what you had to eat the day before having an 'effect' on the first dump of the day?

Dunno, but nothing beats eating beetroot for giving you pink wee

 

[Bladders]

You need to use more sheets then. Less than 3 is a risk, but sometimes a necessity when there are 5 sheets left on the roll. Using all 5 at once is just greedy and should only ever be resorted to in the first wipe of attempting to clean the curry-creche.

Well this didn't work for me at all, as the folded paper passed through the danger zone it folded in half moving all the wiping pressure to my middle finger, at one point I thought I might inadvertently finger bugger myself using my own left over discharge as a lubricant!

Quickly moved back to the scrunch I'm afraid.