Big Sams twitter comments....marvellous....

[Manx Shearwater]

I've never met him personally but we do post together on a different forum from this one. He's just a standard football supporting bloke, same as you and me, albeit he is very funny, although I know he deliberates on the posts for a while, they are carefully crafted! He's been offered syndicated slots on mainstream footie websites and even a book deal, although they were from iffy companies, and they were angling for him to not be paid very much in return so he politely declined.

 

[Eggmundo]

I've never met him personally but we do post together on a different forum from this one. He's just a standard football supporting bloke, same as you and me, albeit he is very funny, although I know he deliberates on the posts for a while, they are carefully crafted! He's been offered syndicated slots on mainstream footie websites and even a book deal, although they were from iffy companies, and they were angling for him to not be paid very much in return so he politely declined.

Whoever he is, he's a genius.

 

[Easy 10]

Brilliant again tonight.

There's something so sexy about watching a confident woman walk into a public toilet.

She has the eyes of the world watching her but she doesn't care. She needs a piss or a shit & she's f***ing well going for one. Such grace.

It's the sheer mystery of it. As soon as she walks into that room, a thousand scenarios enter my head. Each more erotic than the last.

Urine and faeces rarely turn me on - lets get that f***ing straight right now. But where that stuff comes out of does.

I had a thing with Sheena Easton in the 80's, however, and she was horrendous in the bathroom. She sounded like a bull being slaughtered.

And the smells. The f***ing smells. Dear God almighty, the smells.

BEST thing on Twitter

 

[Lord Bamber]

Brilliant again tonight.

There's something so sexy about watching a confident woman walk into a public toilet.

She has the eyes of the world watching her but she doesn't care. She needs a piss or a shit & she's f***ing well going for one. Such grace.

It's the sheer mystery of it. As soon as she walks into that room, a thousand scenarios enter my head. Each more erotic than the last.

Urine and faeces rarely turn me on - lets get that f***ing straight right now. But where that stuff comes out of does.

I had a thing with Sheena Easton in the 80's, however, and she was horrendous in the bathroom. She sounded like a bull being slaughtered.

And the smells. The f***ing smells. Dear God almighty, the smells.

BEST thing on Twitter

So good - deserves a RT?

 

[Easy 10]

So good - deserves a RT?

Deserves a-quotin', that for sure

 

[Deleted member 18477]

Brilliant again tonight.

There's something so sexy about watching a confident woman walk into a public toilet.

She has the eyes of the world watching her but she doesn't care. She needs a piss or a shit & she's f***ing well going for one. Such grace.

It's the sheer mystery of it. As soon as she walks into that room, a thousand scenarios enter my head. Each more erotic than the last.

Urine and faeces rarely turn me on - lets get that f***ing straight right now. But where that stuff comes out of does.

I had a thing with Sheena Easton in the 80's, however, and she was horrendous in the bathroom. She sounded like a bull being slaughtered.

And the smells. The f***ing smells. Dear God almighty, the smells.

BEST thing on Twitter

hahaha!

 

[Doc Lynam]

Lol

 

[Farehamseagull]

Absolute genius. Reason alone to sign up to Twitter.

My favourite has to be Mortal Kombat and Emma Forbes. Just cant help laughing to myself when ever I think about it. Theyre all brilliant Tweets though.

 

[Doc Lynam]

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
Just spent the last two hours on the phone to the FA. I can confirm, however, that nothing has been agreed.
54 minutes ago

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
It could have been very different, though, if the ***** let me speak to someone other than Wendy the f***ing cleaner.
53 minutes ago
»

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

Brilliant again tonight.

There's something so sexy about watching a confident woman walk into a public toilet.

She has the eyes of the world watching her but she doesn't care. She needs a piss or a shit & she's f***ing well going for one. Such grace.

It's the sheer mystery of it. As soon as she walks into that room, a thousand scenarios enter my head. Each more erotic than the last.

Urine and faeces rarely turn me on - lets get that f***ing straight right now. But where that stuff comes out of does.

I had a thing with Sheena Easton in the 80's, however, and she was horrendous in the bathroom. She sounded like a bull being slaughtered.

And the smells. The f***ing smells. Dear God almighty, the smells.

BEST thing on Twitter

The best so far from him. Absolutely hilarious.

 

[leigull]

This morning's tweets:

Train these bastards, play some more Zelda or watch 'Teen Witch' on Netflix? Big Sam has some big decisions to make of a Friday.


The lads were all wearing England kits this morning as I arrived and started singing 'Please Don't Go' by KC and the Sunshine Band.

Sometimes their sweetness melts my heart and makes me realise I'd be crazy to leave them for greener & more financially prosperous pastures.

And then I notice big Carlton Cole is wearing an England rugby union kit and I remember what a bunch of fuckwits I have at my disposal.

 

[Common as Mook]

And then I notice big Carlton Cole is wearing an England rugby union kit and I remember what a bunch of fuckwits I have at my disposal.

That is one of the funniest things I've ever read!!

 

[Zamora For England]

"I just weighed myself with a massive erection in full flow. The thing added an incredible four and a half pounds to my overall bulk."

Errr, what? Genius though!

 

[Simster]

"Big Sam isn't a shallow man but I'm absolutely chuffed with that in all honesty"

 

[Everest]

Some of Not Mario Balotelli's stuff is good too

"Tried to have a conversation with him (Rooney) but it was useless. There was a knitting club nearby and he wouldn't stop staring, or rubbing himself."

 

[Jim Jonny]

So funny, interestingly the real David Gold follows him on there too.

 

[MattBackHome]

notBigSam ‏ @TheBig_Sam
Finally watched that Tulisa sex tape. Haven't been this disappointed since 'Be Here Now'.

 

[Brightonfan1983]

Have bumbled across [MENTION=3545]Petershilton86 on Twitter. Brilliant.

"If egg fried rice was a whore, it'd be Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. The prettiest, best looking whore in all the world. And cheap to boot."

"Watch out bacon. Watch out bread. Watch out frozen sausages. Shilts is out of bed."

 

[Doc Lynam]

Have bumbled across [MENTION=3545]Petershilton86 on Twitter. Brilliant.

"If egg fried rice was a whore, it'd be Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. The prettiest, best looking whore in all the world. And cheap to boot."

"Watch out bacon. Watch out bread. Watch out frozen sausages. Shilts is out of bed."

 

[Withdean and I]

I have been crying with laughter so much reading this thread that I've woken my good lady up!!!